Giving notice to a difficult child

[Higster]

Advice please....

I have been looking after the minded child for almost a year. He is the child of a friend of a friend. He has always been difficult and attends a nursery 2 days a week as well as a day with his grandmother.

His behaviour is getting worse, scratching me and kicking me. He has a lot of tantrums which makes me late for picking up my daughter from school and upsets my son. He is almost 3 but is the size of a 5 year old so he is physically demand also. His mother can see no fault in his behaviour and claims he never has any problems at home. Although I hear different from a friend that knows the family.

I feel like crying after i've looked after him. Am I being lazy by giving notice? and how do I go about it when his mother thinks he is an angel?

I have never had problems with any other minded children like this and I manage there behaviour very well.

[oxfordshirecm]

No I don't think your being lazy- you have stuck it out for a year (more than I would of) when your own child starts to suffer because if a Mindee you know it's time to give notice. Write a letter and give your 4 weeks notice- you don't have to give a reason- simple change of circumstance is enough.

[smurfette]

Would say hun there isn't a whole lot you can do jf mum isn't on board and you have reached the end of the line... Some of mine have shocking tantrums for mum and never do here, but if its not being contained at yours with your usual behaviour management then this is a bigger problem and you will be banging your head against a brick wall!

Your only option if you feel up to one more attempt is meet with mum, say look I know you say you aren't having problems at home but I need you to support me and if this doesn't get sorted I will need to give notice as it is affecting everyone here .. Give a definite date and get mums ideas for how to deal with it.. Maybe a reward chart or stickers given by you and mum so he knows you are both on the same page . At three he should be able to understand this ... Up to you though whether you have the patience and energy for this .. If not fair enough you are at the end of your tether, make the decision give the notice ASAP and you will be able to breathe again when he is gone ., life is too short!!

[winstonian]

I dont think you are being lazy. I certainly wouldnt accept this behaviour and as others have said if parents wont support you it will be very hard to deal with.
You can always give the "unable to continue care as my circumstances have changed" letter if you dont want to get into a discussion.

[Daftbat]

This sounds very similar to the predicament that I have been through this week. I finally realised that it was having an effect not only on the other children but also my own family - not good at all. Mum gave me the oppoprtunity to give notice and I feel soooooooo much better now that I have taken control of the situation and acted.

Hope you can sort things out - we child minders are very good at putting everyone else before ourselves at times and whilst it can be a lovely trait in people we do have to work out where to draw the line.:D

[KatieFS]

I do always feel if a child starts to negatively affect my own children it is not acceptable. The whole point of me childminding is a positive thing for my family. Obvs not always the case we have squabbles and some days one isn't happy or had a bad day etc. but if continuous problem, after speaking to mum and she feels there isn't a problem, how else can you approach it. Hitting and other physical behaviour is not acceptable so unless you can work out a strategy then I would be ending contract,