View Full Version : Advice please

19-04-2013, 05:50 AM
Yesterday I took a call from dad to mind a child who shares her weeks between mum and dad ( I later into the call find out I know the mum and mum side of the family very very well ) my contract would be with dad though and not mum as on some days he has lo he does shifts but the lastest he would collect is 5.15 pm , however I need to make dad fully aware I know the child already and mum and her family but how do I go about this ? Also is it my place to inform mum who I know very well or leave it up to dad if it was me I'd like to know I wouldn't want mum to feel it sneaking about her not knowing also mum not working atm so she may feel she like to collect little one from school and hold until 5.15 ? I don't have any problem watching the lo and do know been few issues where child mum had to go collect from school due to dad shifts of not been able to

19-04-2013, 06:40 AM
I think you should definitely tell Dad that you know Mum , but that you dont see it being an issue , you just wanted to make him aware so that he doesnt find out from other sources and feels you were hiding something

will mum sometimes be dropping off or picking up

if so then you really would want them both to sign the contract , or are you having lo entirely when Dad has them

I would assume that in the case of an emergency if you couldnt get hold of Dad you would need to contact Mum , or contact both anyway , so how would Dad feel about this ? She should really be on the forms at least as a person of contact

19-04-2013, 06:43 AM
I would tell dad that you know child and mum. Could she have given dad your details if she knew he was looking for childcare? He might already know that you know them!

blue bear
19-04-2013, 06:49 AM
He woukd need to give you details of who have parental permission anyway along with mums details and address and as I assume mum would also be an emergency contact I would have insisted on meeting mum in any case. I would not keep quiet I like things above board or else you run the risk of becoming piggy in the middle.

19-04-2013, 06:52 AM
In this situation I'd just be up front with dad and mum - they both may be aware already, you won't know until you talk to them.

As it's dad who's approached you I would talk to him first.

Miffy xx

19-04-2013, 07:14 AM
Ok, I can see both sides to this with regard to telling mum, but would that not be a breach of confidentiality?

If the child wasn't known to you, would you be wanting to be contacting mum?
Mum may not actually be an emergency contact whilst the child is in his care, could be dad's mum, dad, and sibling... (the child's grandparents and extended family)

I would certainly inform dad that you know the family but feel it should be down to him really to inform mum, and maybe prompt him to do so

19-04-2013, 09:31 AM
Lo would not be collected by mum just dad or his wife on the contacted days , I do know mum really really well and I don't feel comfy taken the lo on with out mum knowing ,

19-04-2013, 09:51 AM
Lo would not be collected by mum just dad or his wife on the contacted days , I do know mum really really well and I don't feel comfy taken the lo on with out mum knowing ,

I have a similar contract and yes I have mums number etc and she is down as an emergency contract but I think in the 3+ years I have had him mum has picked up 4 times and that's been in recent months.

I would tell the dad you know the mum but I wouldn't be contacting the mum as the custody arrangements are nothing to do with me unless there is a court order banning a parent from collecting. I do not get involved in martial breakdowns custody battles etc.

19-04-2013, 10:15 AM
Hi Jashol. :waving:

IMHO, I don't think you have a lot of choice in what to do/say (only in how you go about saying it.) Rather than being a confidentiality issue, I believe the regulations actually oblige you to tell mum that you will be caring for her child. The only confidential matter is the contents of the contract if mum isn't going to sign it.

EYFS lays out certain information that must be shared with parents (plural), thus:-
Information for parents and carers

3.72 Providers must make the following information available to parents and/or carers:
• How the EYFS is being delivered in the setting, and how parents and/or carers can access more information (for example, via the DfE website);
• The range and type of activities and experiences provided for children, the daily routines of the setting, and how parents and carers can share learning at home;
• How the setting supports children with special educational needs and disabilities;
• Food and drinks provided for children;
• Details of the provider's policies and procedures (all providers except childminders must make copies available on request) including the procedure to be followed in the event of a parent and/or carer failing to collect a child at the appointed time, or in the event of a child going missing at, or away from, the setting; and
• Staffing in the setting; the name of their child’s key person and their role; and a telephone number for parents and/or carers to contact in an emergency.

If the child is older, then the following applies from Childcare Register regulations:-

CR9.1 Childminders must make the following information available to parents:
 information about the activities the children will undertake
 copies of the written statements of safeguarding procedures and complaints procedures.
CR9.2 Childminders and home childcarers must make the following information available to parents:
 information about the registration system for the voluntary part of the Childcare Register
 Ofsted's address.

Thre is nothing in either regulatory document which even hints at it applying exclusively to the sole signatory to a contract. My guess is that you could only circumvent those provisions if the child was at significant risk of harm from a parent with a court injunction in place to prevent contact.

I would give the dad the opportunity to tell mum first, and also say I shall be speaking to her in X days' time as I was under a legal obligation to give her certain information. Also, make sure dad knows that you must pass certain information to mum whilst the child is in your care, whether he likes it or not. And, of course, he needs to be aware that you cannot prevent mum from contacting or collecting the child from you at any time and with no prior notice/warning. (And that you'll be charging for booked time, even if mum takes the child from you 30 seconds after arrival.)

You ought to be aware that mum might possibly start collecting the child from you early and often, so as to gain additional time with her child, even if that's been arranged 'on paper' as "Daddy time". I've heard of this happening in similar situations, particularly if mum isn't working, has time on her hands, and simply thinks "why not?" This is a potential minefield: dad needs to be told you cannot prevent this happening (no matter what his solicitor may threaten) without a court order, or else he'll think you're taking sides cos you know the mum. :( If it becomes an issue, then the parents have to sort it out - you cannot play referee and should never be expected to.

Another possible problem if you're at all close to mum is that she may think she can keep popping round to yours for coffee and time with her lo whilst you're trying to work. I think you need to be very clear and firm about this. You can't stop her taking her child away, but can stop her using you as a drop-in centre, IYSWIM.

This can work, but you need to be very open, honest, confidently assertive and 100% neutral with both parents. It's a matter of hoping for the best, preparing for the worst and being ready in advance of whatever the situation may throw at you. :thumbsup: