Older children are such hard work!!

[littleblue]

I took on a new placement of siblings 5 and 8 for before and after school recently. It was only supposed to be for 2 days a week but mum has suddenly upped her days and I am STRUGGLING! They started out really sweet and loving towards the little ones, but now, they both lie constantly, do all kinds of things they shouldn't be doing - feeding one of my toddlers mud and telling him it was chocolate (then lying about it) jumping on the furniture, asking for things and then when I say no, I hear them whispering to him to come and ask me for it!!

They seem to take up so much space and I feel like my home is not my own when they are here. Am fed up and exhausted, feel like I am constantly saying "No" which I really hate as I am usually a very relaxed person.

Anyone else find the big ones so much more work? I am reluctant to let them go because they are by far the biggest paying placement for me, but I dont think I can cope with it much longer! Miss my quiet waldorfy days with the little ones!

[Mouse]

I don't look after school aged children. They just don't fit in with how I do things.

I think it's hard to turn down the chance of money when it's there, but sometimes a happy home has to come first :thumbsup:

[Ripeberry]

Is the money worth the stress? Also older children should not impact on the care of the younger ones. Feeding mud is not acceptable. Could the older one go to an after school club? Maybe they will behave when seperated?

[mrs robbie williams]

i must admit i avoid before/after school children because they are hard work !!! they are very demanding imo and hard work ! give me under three's any day :D

[Koala]

I just look after babies, toddlers and pre schoolers and i'm happy to see them move on at 3 or 4yrs as their needs are far different to my preference for little ones.

I learn't a long time ago how DIFFICULT schoolies can be. And yes I have had them lie, steal and be really mean I think it goes with the territory. And I don't like it.

I'm sticking to the sweet and innocent, dirty nappies, sicky shoulders and all that......

[ivy]

I have 6 children aged 5- 10 years of age come home every night , by the time they leave i'm pulling my hair out .
More arguments , more noise ,lot more work not worth the money .

[littleblue]

Wow Ivy, how on earth do you handle that? I'm kicking myself now as I turned down two inquiries for one year old's last month as I had this one lined up and now really feeling like I made the wrong choice. :panic:

[Nicola Carlyle]

I have after schoolers to. I agree they are much harder work than the little ones especially first week back after holidays!!!!!! I do find though that when they don't listen to me I raise my voice in a certain way in order to gain attention (little ones seem all wide eyed and can't take their eyes off me assessing what I'm going to do next) I seperate them all or I don't allow them to play until they have thought about how to behave properly! It does work! They tend to hang their heads in shame. Then I take little ones with a smile and happy voices to go and do something nice. Funnily enough they all seem to calm down. It is hard but you need to be firm but fair. It's the only way. I hav occasionally had individuals sit at the dinning room table because they can't play nicely it need to calm down. I'm always in and out every few minutes. They soon get bored and it doesn't take long for them to understand its my house and my rules. As for jumping in the furniture. If they don't listen or take it in that its an absolute NO then they sit on the floor until further notice. This has lasted over two weeks with some but they havnt done it again.

[Bob]

I have after schoolers to. I agree they are much harder work than the little ones especially first week back after holidays!!!!!! I do find though that when they don't listen to me I raise my voice in a certain way in order to gain attention (little ones seem all wide eyed and can't take their eyes off me assessing what I'm going to do next) I seperate them all or I don't allow them to play until they have thought about how to behave properly! It does work! They tend to hang their heads in shame. Then I take little ones with a smile and happy voices to go and do something nice. Funnily enough they all seem to calm down. It is hard but you need to be firm but fair. It's the only way. I hav occasionally had individuals sit at the dinning room table because they can't play nicely it need to calm down. I'm always in and out every few minutes. They soon get bored and it doesn't take long for them to understand its my house and my rules. As for jumping in the furniture. If they don't listen or take it in that its an absolute NO then they sit on the floor until further notice. This has lasted over two weeks with some but they havnt done it again.

You worded it better than I would have but I agree with you 100%. The bottom line with after schoolies (we have 6 some nights but never less than 3) is that you are the boss and what the boss says goes. After they understand that you mean it, it's all plain sailing.

[clareelizabeth1]

I gave all mine to another childminder as I went on mat leave. I am not going to take them back if I can help it.

[skatie]

Interesting reading as I'm struggling with the 1 after schoolie I have, doing same sorts, jumping o furniture, stole bits of my kids Easter chocs, always asking for juice, food etc when mum is supposed to provide snacks. She moves on to another school at the end of this term so I only have to put up with her for another couple of months but really learning that I have to start standing my ground. My ds is nearly 5 so in future I'll only take on schoolies of a similar age. Good luck and don't put up with a situation just for the money as it won't make you happy and you have to put the happiness of the others n your setting first. Some kids just won't gel and it changes the dynamics.

[MessybutHappy]

I have had to say a lot of "in this house we...." recently! A certain young lady who was previously a handful but manageable is getting way too big for her school shoes!!! I also liked a line on another thread on here "It will be so nice to tell Mummy that you...." by way of encouragement!

[Optimalstar]

Feeling really lucky. I have 4 after school children. One the same age as my dd( year 6) two a year younger and one in reception. The older ones are girls and youngest a boy. I don't have any of the climbing/ jumping on furniture etc. The biggest problem I had was keeping one of the older girls amused, I found finding things for her to do a problem as she always said she didn't mind what we did but then never seemed to be engaged/interested in what I suggested. Hoping that's about to change now she's not here by herself as in the past.

Getting out is always a saving grace too, we've spent 3 of the 4 nights this week at one park/playground or other. Being organised around tea was the only issue but if the weather remains nice next week I'm seriously thinking of packing a picnic just before I leave to collect them from school and heading straight out to either beach, park or playground.

[phoenix2010]

Ive had some pretty unpleasant experiences with older children

hitting me , being cheeky , breaking things , threatening younger children , needless to say these didnt last long

Ive also had some real sweet older children , i have one 8 yr old girl now and shes lovely , but will be the last

I now only have children until they start school , i wont entertain the idea of anymore older children , they are too often not worth the stress Im afraid

Im sure its some failing of mine, but hey ho!

[ivy]

Hi little blue . It is hard work , as u know u can never just get it right . You start off with one child , then you say yes to another and then you have siblings .It's just being organised in the night time . Before i collect the children from school my younger mindees have tea and then i prepare the older ones tea , by the time they get back the younger ones have finished tea and are carrying on with their activities . Older ones have tea then they can carry on with their homework whilst i take it in turns to do the reading wit heach one save the parents doing it in the night time .
Love it when the weather is nice i can just send them outside to play .
Love seeing 6pm come along .
At the moment its not to bad as i have 2 students from th local college on placement with me as well as my daughter who is employed as an assistant .

[blue bear]

i don't take on school children but have after schoolies that i have had from babies. Home grown ones are so much easier as they understand my way of thinking.
sit down with yours and set up some rules, let the children decide on the consequences for breaking the rules. it works so much better when the children have ownership of them. Get them involved in the planning, make up some sort of choices table so they choose in the morning what they would like to do at night. I find it calms them down quicker if they have something they want to get on with when we get in.
make sure they burn some energy off and get a chance to talk and hear their voice heard, walking home from school the long way, sharing news, stopping to look for insects or traffic or whatever helps with this.
Invest in a slow cooker for meals so you don't need to be away from them for longer than you have to, have a rota for the children to take turns helping to make tea, this separates them without it being a punishment.

look at your resources for them are they things that really interest them are they jumping on furniture and generally being mischievous because they are not engaged and you let them? whilst the little ones is all about letting them take the lead for their own learning you cant do this with the big ones or they run riot. Structure of some sort is essential and you taking charge and remaining so as they will constantly check what rules are operating at any given time.
I never leave the school children with under fives unsupervised its a recipe for disaster.

Yes I agree they are hard work but it can work beautifully when you get the balance right. get them on your side working with you as a family.