trying my hardest to say no!

[ozzy10]

Mindee comes to me 9am-6pm. Fits perfectly for me I can do school run and then I can get my boys bathed and in bed once he leaves.

Mum works 10-5. however her and dad have seperated and she keeps saying poor A can't see dad as you won't have him 7.30-6.30 which dad needs for his work so sad he can't see his dad!

she has said herself dad has suggested I still drop off pick up but I don't want to be stuck with A :o. Can't belong believe she can say this and blame me but finding it hard to stick to saying no when she continually asks and blames me!

[Mouse]

I don't understand, why can't dad pick mindee up from her?

Stick to your guns. It's very unfair of her to try & guilt you into something you can't do. Don't feel bad about it. If she was that desperate for A to see his dad I'm sure she could make arrangements, or I'm sure dad could change his work hours now & again.

I would be firm with her. Tell her you are sorry, but you are not going to change your work hours and you would rather she stopped asking you!

[step11]

Don't do it. It's their personal life not its. Why should you change for others.

[phoenix2010]

Not your problem , they will have to sort something out between themselves , why should you increase your hours because they have split up

anyway there is a way round it , she needs to stop guilt tripping you

stand your ground and tell her that her hinting is making you feel really uncomfortable and you are not going to change your mind so she needs to concentrate on finding another solution

[Koala]

It's not your problem A doesn't see dad, you didn't separate from him did you.

It's her fault, it's about time parents took responsibility for their actions - she wants you to pick up the slack because she doesn't want to look after A before and after work because she probably wants 'time to herself or to go out after work and not have the responsibility of A'.

I've seen it all before - don't be bullied into doing her job. If she was bothered about A seeing dad she could drop him off at dads when he gets home after she has picked him up from you and pick him up in the morning and bring him to you - suggest that and see what she says. 7.30am drop off and 6.30pm pick up for her!!! I bet it's too much for her but its ok for you to do. :laughing: lazy mare. :laughing:

[supermumy]

Oh wow what a cheek don't give in it is not your fault or problem!
If dad is that worried let him change hours!

[ozzy10]

Feel better now you've all agreed. I'm doing right.

Koala I have suggested and her reply was she doesn't want to be lumbered with him on her nights and mornings off! but obviously I have my children anyway so don't have anything else to do than look after hers too. He's such a lovely boy and I really feel for him that he gets pushed about but it isn't my problem and I'm going to make sure I stick to my guns. I've put myself out before and don't get any thanks it just seems to become expected. So decided whilst I was on maternity my family comes 1st and if parents don't like it they can go else where.

I love my job but don't love the parents!

[Koala]

I knew it she's a lazy mare!

Definitely stick to your guns, it takes guts but once you have done it, it gets easier.

You pick up her slack now, she will expect more and more and you will get NO THANKS she'll just laugh at you for being so soft.

[ozzy10]

Lol. Koala that's one name for her!

I shall be sticking to my guns about time she takes responsibility. I've already had to request he has breakfast before he arrives at 9am next morning he arrives eating breakfast of 2 custard creams!

Poor lad hasn't a clue some people don't know how lucky and blessed they are with children.

[ozzy10]

Well don't know what to do now dropped my DS at preschool this morning in a rush as baby had overslept and while was outside getting a forgotten lunchbox from the pram she walked up and said I've sorted the morning's he will attend breakfast club till 8.45 then go home with you when you drop O off at preschool! She then walked off before I had chance to say anything!

What do I do, what would any of you do/say? Yes its only 15 minutes but it gives me time to pack breakfast things away and have a cup of tea in peace. What would I charge if I do decide to do it?

Wish I could do the job I love without the parents!

[loocyloo]

Well don't know what to do now dropped my DS at preschool this morning in a rush as baby had overslept and while was outside getting a forgotten lunchbox from the pram she walked up and said I've sorted the morning's he will attend breakfast club till 8.45 then go home with you when you drop O off at preschool! She then walked off before I had chance to say anything!

What do I do, what would any of you do/say? Yes its only 15 minutes but it gives me time to pack breakfast things away and have a cup of tea in peace. What would I charge if I do decide to do it?

Wish I could do the job I love without the parents!


what would happen in the school holidays? days that breakfast club isn't open? days that you don't take your DS to preschool? ( maybe he is ill? someone else takes him? )

tell her that she caught you in a rush this morning, and you didn't have a chance to reply to say that sorry, you are unable to collect from breakfast club. ( because you need the time to get ready for the day. and the 'what if's' as above. )

but if you do want to do it, then i would charge at least half an hour fees! ( or more, if you think she will pay it ... but i still don't understand why dad can't drop child to mum for childs day to continue as normal?! but that is neither here nor there! )

good luck x

[littlemiss60561]

Cheeky mare!
I'd say no just because of her expectation of you and blaming you for their issues! I'd also say that it's not always gong t be you that takes your ds to pre school so if you went ahead you would be obliged too go.
Have they fallen out so bad that neither of them want to speak to each other?? Tough!

[Koala]

Oh Ozzy, it gets worse.

Who does she think she is telling you what to do, tell her to :censored: off , no not treally!

I bet she's giving everyone the run around, getting folk to do her job (look after her kid).

How dare she presume and plan what you do! charge her £20 a day to make it worth your while otherwise its just going to upset your whole day and p you off.

Tell her you your day is planned and complete 9am - 6pm is when you WORK (45 hours a week - non stop) its a long and challenging day and every moment is planned and accounted for as I am sure is hers :p and you are UNWILLING to upset the dynamics work more unless you are compensated, I bet you don't, but you have to make a stand here somehow, so either put your foot down - say NO!!!
or CHARGE!! a lot.

How much would you expect to pay someone to do your job when you get home to prepare for the day - tell her you will have to employ someone to come and help out if you are taking on a bigger workload and this cost will have to be passed on to her - you can't do everything. She doesn't.
If she says 'its just 15 minutes' and persists, just tell her it isn't for her to tell you what to do, you find her rude and disrespectful and has no business putting on you without any consideration of your position or feelings.

I bet you will end up collecting - either put up or shut up (I'm getting tough for your own sake) but remember Give in now and you might as well just let her dump on you forever AND SHE WILL, she needs to know you are not a pushover, she's a cheeky :censored: and needs putting in her place.

[ozzy10]

Think I'm going to hand her a letter and say we need to re do contract as it is a chand of hours and cost but I will only have him from 8.45 during term time in the holidays he can not be dropped off until 9am and the extra for collecting at 8.45 will be an extra £5 for the 15mins as it ius unsociable hours to me! Don't think she will want to do it then.

You hit the nail oin the head Koala, she doesn't see my job as working for some reason I've said I work longer days and even when children leave for the day I still have paperwork.

Right time to stop moaning sort myself out and do what I want I work for myself not the parents! Off to hang the washing out, play in the garden and have some fun with my boys :).

thanks for listening to me moan!

[george]

Hi ozzy, ive watched this thread but not replied because everybody as said what i would say, but just want to add I think you are doing the right thing, if parents are really stuck and asked you to help and didnt dictate then if i could i would but when they dictate and treat you like this you have to remain professional or they will always walk all over you, its so hard tgh but good on you, id write down your contract in rough ie hours times term/holidays & charges put it with contract to do, send her a text saying can she stay when she next collects so you can redo contract with her changes, then put it away till then and enjoy your family time, well done :) x

[winstonian]

Think I'm going to hand her a letter and say we need to re do contract as it is a chand of hours and cost but I will only have him from 8.45 during term time in the holidays he can not be dropped off until 9am and the extra for collecting at 8.45 will be an extra £5 for the 15mins as it ius unsociable hours to me! Don't think she will want to do it then.

You hit the nail oin the head Koala, she doesn't see my job as working for some reason I've said I work longer days and even when children leave for the day I still have paperwork.

Right time to stop moaning sort myself out and do what I want I work for myself not the parents! Off to hang the washing out, play in the garden and have some fun with my boys :).

thanks for listening to me moan!

Just wanted to say well done! at least if you do it you will be rewarded and if not then great!

[blue bear]

Cheeky madam, if you are not working, what's she moaning about having to have her own child for an hour in the morning on her 'day off'. Day off from being a mum I've heard it all now.

[Lilylulu]

Just a little addition to this thread - beware of getting caught in the middle if she has already tried to load guilt onto you. We had a very similar situation to this. Dad wanted midweek contact with child so we agreed to 2 early starts at 7.30, then he crept it earlier and earlier and once even just turned up on a different day unannounced at that time as took it for granted that we'd have him - he got told!! Also Mum didn't pay for the extra hours - she expected us to bill Dad seperately - what a faff. Child often arrived without correct attire and they continually blamed other parent - eg - no coat in winter and no proper shoes, just canvas pumps. The child was gorgeous; the only reason we put up with them, however the placement only lasted for 4 months before they moved. The child has now had 4 settings within a year :(

[natalieatk]

What if you Didnt have to drop your child at school each day! It would mean your still going out at that time to collect, even if your child is ill. Rude to not even check if it was ok with you first!
A review of contract if definatly in order, when you fill in times eyc I would put 8:45 pick up (temporary) just incase you change your mind in the future then you have covered your self x

[ozzy10]

Thanks for all of your replies. Nice to have support and feel I'm doing the right thing!

Natalieatk good idea making it temporary as I don't think it's something I really want to do! Hoping extra charge and term time only is enough to put parents off.

Lilylulu that sounds so familiar it's so hard as I just feel so sorry for the child!

Mum has already told me any late fees when it's dad collecting I need to bill him. I've told mum my contract is with her so any charges are payable by her and she needs to sort with dad herself. I'm worried they will collect late and also try to drop off early during holiday time but I'll cross those bridges when they arrive (not if as I'm sure they will!).

Just sorting out the wording of the letter. Trying to be polite and firm, wish I could write what I really think!