View Full Version : Settling a child...

05-04-2013, 08:12 AM
I have had J (almost 2) and A(4) since January now (both sisters). I have them two days a week, J has never been away from mum or Grandad, she is with me from 8:30 - 6:00pm, and sister is with me from 8:30 - 12:00 and 3:30 - 6:00pm until September when A will be in school.

When she first started, on that first day the only time she didn't scream was when she was in her pushchair, and she would scream whenever I looked at her.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, she has settled down a lot, asking me for things, having cuddles (only when she has hurt herself, never of her own accord), and we had two days where she wasn't 100% happy in drop off, but she waved mum goodbye with no crying.

For the past 3 weeks now, I have had Friday off, two for hols and one for bank holiday and I have my next one next friday so she's only been with me for the full two days this week since she was saying goodbye to mum with no tears.

Now however she is ''regressing''. She keeps following her sister around holding her hand and crying asking for mummy, it's heartbreaking. She won't talk to me, she won't play as she just wants to follow big sister around. She's getting very introverted. (is that a word?!)

Part of me is thinking because she's only been with me one day for past couple of weeks when it started getting worse. Drop off is awful for mum, mum comes in says goodbye and goes, gives kisses and cuddles etc but she never overstays or lingers and Mum does really well.

So I want to give it a go as of next week I don't have any more days off, so I want to see it out until at least the summer holidays and if by then she is still like she is, I will have to give notice as that would've been 7 months with me then....

I dunno I'm all confused, Mum left her coat with me this morning so mindee could "look after it" and so she understands mum is coming back...

I've had activities set up so as to try and engage her during drop off and mum can just slip away, but no. She knocks on my front door and comes in all happy as Larry then as soon as the front door closes she panics and clings to mum crying.

Any ideas?

05-04-2013, 08:24 AM
I have a child more or less the same

It's hard ...mine screams for 8 hours and I have him for 10 hours a day

Because I have him three days from Wednesdays it's a long four days for him when he does not see me ...it's like every Wednesday I'm trying to settle him in again

He's been with me two months now and this week is the first week he's moaned rather than screamed ...he's actually smiled too lots of times so I think he's settling at last

My child too clings to mom ...we take no notice now ...we make no issue of it ..I close the door with child screaming and take him to play ..he clings to my legs and if I move my leg he screams and screams and screams its awful poor thing

I think you should continue with what your doing ,don't make an issue of it

Hopefully she will start to settle down ...but at least you know you are not alone ,I've had lots of children like this over the years and they almost always settle in the end

My daughter was telling me that they have a 4 year old who screams on arrival every day and when she sees her mom at pick up ....she's there every day and has been at nursery since she was 3 months ........sad because she's ok the rest of the day but she too screams for a few hours

Keep us posted

Angel xxx

05-04-2013, 08:25 AM
Oh and I meant to say your doing a great job and your doing everything right

Angel xx

05-04-2013, 09:51 AM
Keep your chin up ;)

I've had quite a few screamers and it's really hard work. The little one I have at the moment started in January too. At first, she was confident (despite never being away from Mum before) but has recently regressed and now wants to be held all the time. There were signs this week that she was improving again, so I know it's just a case of keep doing what I'm doing and I'm sure she'll be fine in the end. ;)

05-04-2013, 10:53 AM
I have had a screamer too and she was exhausting, only have her 1 day a week (weds) and every week was the same, hours and hours of crying. She still cries on and off but not nearly half as bad as she used to be. I took some very good advice from lovely people on this forum and it worked, get out the house.... I collect her from home and then we go straight to town, library, then toddler group. She has a nap from 11-1 so we come home and after that she is much more settled. When we used to come straight home, she would cry until nap time. Would that possibly work for you?

05-04-2013, 11:47 AM
I have one like this too (13 months, been with me since Jan), sounds like a common problem. I have put it down to part time hours (2days in my case). What I'm concerned about is lo is happy and smiley when carried but scream in what sounds and looks like fury when put down. Do I pick her up or leave her on the floor to scream???
I feel your pain!

05-04-2013, 12:07 PM
You've had some great advice already. Hope it gets better for you soon, it's draining but I think you're doing everything right and it'll just take some time.