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Topkad84
22-03-2013, 11:13 AM
Hi I have had a mindee since before christmas, wen she first arrived I found out through her that she didn't like balloons and the other children understood this and use to put any balloons away if she was around.
Last week there was a balloon in the play area and my mindee picked it up and stared playing with it like it was the best thing ever and was laughing with excitement. So I thought this is great and encouraged play with her and the other two by getting the to balance them catch them ect.
When mum picked her up she told her mum she has been playing with balloons and mum was really happy as it was the mindees birthday the next day and know there will be some helium balloons.
Monday she was playing with balloons again no problem and we paper mached balloons to make easter baskets, one balloon went bang but the mindee looked at me and laughed.
Tuesday morning I get a texted from mum saying can we not play with balloons while her daughter is in my care as she is constantly having nightmare about balloons and even though she is happy playing with balloon here with the other kids she obviously is not liking them.

I feel really annoyed to get this message rather than mum talking to me about it. I understand if she is having nightmares but I don't think taking it away from here is the answer and we should work together to desensitise her. I also think the mindee is playing mum up as dad is working away.

I want to have a chat with mum about it but I know she will take it the wrong way as in I'm interfering.
Grrr so annoying

Tia xx

merry
22-03-2013, 12:18 PM
Some people are not good with even the mildest form of confrontation, it may have been easier for her to send a text than risk having you disagree with her in person. Maybe she didn't want her child overhearing the conversation, or having spent half the night up with her child having nightmares maybe she felt too tired and angry to speak rationally about it just yet, there's no way to know unless you talk to her. Unless it's overtly and obviously rude I try never to take offence at texts because more often than not none is intended.
When my children were young they would sometimes pretend they liked something just to fit in with their friends and not be the odd one out, then tell me about it later. If her Mum has told you she's scared of balloons then you have to respect that. By all means talk to Mum and see if you can come up with a plan to help her through it, but lots of these childhood fears are outgrown naturally without the need for desensitisation, and having something that she's afraid of around regularly might even make her fear worse and make her not want to come to your house. Also if Dad is working away and Mum is coping alone with child/job/home on disrupted nights sleep due to nightrmares, she might not be in the most reasonable frame of mind right now and might just prefer you to go along with her wishes in the short term to help them through.

:)

Helen79
22-03-2013, 04:07 PM
I think that if you have a child that is scared of something like balloons that you need to stop having them out when she's there. I think it's understandable that mum's upset if you already knew about it and her dd is now upset. She may have thought that a text message might have been less confrontational way of raising it with you.

I don't think that you desensitise her and make her not scared of them by having them around, just because she's used to the doesn't mean that she isn't still scared of them. I hate clowns, I can look at them and be in the same room as one but wouldn't sleep with a toy clown in the bedroom as they're just evil :blush:
I think that you need to respect mums wishes. Balloons aren't a necessary toy to have so don't think the other children will miss out on not having them there. We only ever have balloons out for my own children's birthdays, and even then they only stay out for a couple of days before I get sick of tripping up over them and pop them all.

jackie 7
22-03-2013, 04:20 PM
My niece is having a seccond baby and she hates balloons. I do t have them because they burst into so many pieces. The mum was happy that her child was getting used up them. Don't worry about it and have them when she is not around.

blue bear
22-03-2013, 04:49 PM
Try not to take it as a personal criticism, you have worked with the child In The way that you thought best, I'd agree to stop them for a while especially while dad is away and let the child take the lead again like she did in the playground. It's often one step forward and two steps back when dealing with fears like this.

Topkad84
22-03-2013, 09:55 PM
Thanks all for replying,

I completely understand a respect what mum has asked and maybe I'm feeling a bit down with this all as mum is being really funny with me and I do not understand why. All I have done is try to help, I know mum I also being funny as I took mindee to a new club which is run by the council and is free and has lots of activites and the kids love it but it doesn't finish till 3:15 and mindee is picked up at 2:15 so I asked mum if she minded picking up her daughter from there (its at the end of my road) she was ok with it but then while I was there she messages me and said she will pick up at 3:15 instead so not to take her away from playing. When she pcked her up she didnt ask if she enjoyed it or anything just took her and put her in the car. She has been really off with me this week and even being funny when I asked if she needed cover for inset day.
I really feel for the 2.5 hours I have her it's not worth the hassle

Bad week :(

christine e
23-03-2013, 08:11 AM
you mention that Dad is working away think maybe this is the root of the problems with mum - just try and smile sweetly and not take it personal

Cx

mazza58
23-03-2013, 08:21 AM
Maybe its not you its because Dad is away and she is feeling low, but that does mean she has the right to make you feel bad either as you are giving her child a lovely enjoyable time whilst she is with you. I do think the balloon situation though maybe I would not have them out whilst she is with you, I dont have balloons out very often only birthdays etc as I do not see that they are really needed to play with all the time. But if you still feel that the mum is being funny with you, maybe ask if there is a problem through a parent question paper sent home etc. If on the other hand you think that this mum is being funny with you and wont say why and it is just two and a half hours a week, I would consider if I need the money and if not maybe end the contract. But I think this could maybe worked out to make you feel better. Sometimes we all take things to heart and find out that it is nothing to do with us.