View Full Version : decision made, well, I think so anyway

12-03-2013, 08:21 PM
I look after sibblings age 8yrs and 5yrs, eldest has ADHD and younger one copies the behaviour, just lately the younger one has become a lot worse in behavour being very cheeky, ignoring me constantly and back chatting and I have had enough, i am their third childminder and when they came to me I made time for them both and gave the older one space of his own and made emotion charts to help him and I feel have worked hard with them, they choose activities to do each week to keep them busy as this helps, tonight we made bread, older one says why cant I have a bowl on my own, younger one says this is horrible, older one snatches spoon younger one grabs bowl and so it goes on whils the 18 month old and 4yrold watch on with horrifyied looks on their faces. I am also fed up with how they are with the younger ones, they fight over whos going to play with them and get very crafty about how they get their attentions, it could be that the younger one is playing with a littly and the older one will say to the littly come and look at this then he will say you have to play with me now and the younger one will do the same, they cant all play together as they will argue over whats what, today we had fisticuffs because i'd sent them to get their shoes and coats on with out me being in the hall.
I have had them since october and whilst I can deal with their behaviour I can not stand how they are getting worse and how they are treating the younger children so I have decided to give notice, thing is I am their third childminder because of their behaviour and they hae a reputation and I know that the other childminders who go to the school will not take them on meaning mum cannot work so I feel really mean that I am going to give notice but I know that for the littlys sakes and my sanity I have too, I am going to tell her that I will have them to the end of July and wont have them back in september so she has some time to sort out alternative care, I am not so worried about the impact this time will have on the younger ones because they only mix for about an hour a day and in that time I will organize activities so that they dont play with the littlys as such but are at the table doing stuff plus the littlys love them both although goodness knows why! the schoolies dont come in the hols and the littlys ask for them!
so how do I summon up the confidence to face mum knowing that they wont find anyone else and knowing that I have had them quite a while and things seemed to be going ok!

12-03-2013, 09:14 PM
You've done the right thing for your setting. Are there not any after school clubs around that they could go to? Mum will still be able to work. Holiday clubs are quite cheap as well. Maybe a CM will take on the 5yr old by herself?

12-03-2013, 09:16 PM
:group hug: You are doing the right thing for you and the other children but that doesn't make it any easier!

Would it be possible to seperate the boys care? It might be that they are better behaved when not together or at least the younger one might be?

12-03-2013, 09:24 PM
I was going to suggest the same...is divide and conquer an option? Not for you necessarily, but as a suggestion to mum?

12-03-2013, 09:32 PM
Oh hunny I can tell you have agonised over this one! I feel you have made the right decision for you and the other children - ok not necessarily for the 2 boys but you have to put yourself and your business first.

Business head on. Hugs xx

12-03-2013, 09:46 PM
Think divide could be the answer. If you feel up to it you could suggest after school and clubs over the hols for the older one and you keep on the 5 year old and see how that goes? Good luck with whatever you decide

12-03-2013, 10:15 PM
It's hard to separate business head and emotional head so e times isn't it but sounds to me you have dne the rit thing. You will realise this on the first day they are not there.
I had to make a decision to end a contract as after a year of trying my hardest it just wasnt working out. Behaviour effecting the thers, parents smiling while telling off that kind of thing. Felt so so guilty on the last day but oh my goodness... The relief I felt on that first Monday back from the holidays was immense ! I was close to giving up thinking i was failing . I lost a huge income but I've since filled up plus more . Best decision. My 2 behaviour followers immediately back to polite , respectfull little darlings.
Had parents been on board and supportive I may have tried longer but needs must and without additional assistants it was far to stressfull.
Good luck and stay strong x

13-03-2013, 04:23 AM
:group hug: You are doing the right thing for you and the other children but that doesn't make it any easier!

Would it be possible to seperate the boys care? It might be that they are better behaved when not together or at least the younger one might be?

Definitely divide and conquer, sounds like some of the behaviour is sibling rivalry and this is not acceptable. ADHD is compounding the bad behaviour, however, it is not an excuse to behave badly, I accept that it affects his behaviour but still believe that it should be managed for everyone's sake and not tolerated.

I fully support you giving notice, I probably would too and mum needs to have realistic plans in place to sort her children out and address the core behavioral issues.

Good luck :thumbsup:

13-03-2013, 07:00 AM
Thanks folks, its actually an 8yrold boy and 5 yr old girl and in some ways her behaviour is worse because she is very manipulative with the younger ones in how she gets them to play with her, his behavior is easier to deal with as its more straight forward naughtiness, sounds silly reading it back but I also have a son with ADHD and aspergers and I've always told him the ADHD can explain why he might feel the way he does but is no excuse for his behaviour
I will do mums invoice as she pays termly and when I hand it to her I will be saying that u won't be able ti have them back in September, I think she will understand but be fedup at the same time, there are no after school clubs here so she will be stuck.