PDA

View Full Version : Grandparent trouble



tinyp164
07-03-2013, 08:23 PM
Evening everyone.

I'm in need of a bit advice, I have a lo who's grandparents pick him up and look after him in the afternoon ( well from 2pm) however, mums mum and dad pick up weds and fri but dads parents pick up Thursdays. Every Thursday I have trouble handing lo over, lo is only 22mths but starts to cling to my leg, run back inside, screams, shouts 'no' etc and now grandad doesn't even get out of the car only nanna. This has been going on a little while but has gotten much worse over the last two weeks. Nanna is clearly embarrassed and try's to say nice things but its heart renching handing child over even though its grandparents. But with mums parents its a different story, child is absolutely fine!
My problem is do I tell mum in the morning? I feel it isn't doing the child any good but is it my place to come between families so to speak? How would I word It to mum? Or just say it how it is? Like if it was my child I would rather know. Has anyone else experienced this before?
I'm just really not sure what to do... :(

sarah707
07-03-2013, 08:49 PM
It depends on how you tackle it - maybe say that you need to work together to support the child because s/he is getting confused with different transitions??

tricky one - but as a parent I would have wanted to know xx

Allie
07-03-2013, 09:00 PM
I always try to be 100% truthfull to all my parents (putting it as nicely as I can) I think you need to tell the childs parents but not in a judgemental way just tell them what you observe on collection and let them decide how to proceed. The child obviously is going to need some support to get his/her head round different carers coming to collect


Allie

tinyp164
07-03-2013, 10:24 PM
Thank you so much for your responses!! I knew I could count on the forum for good advice :) xx

vikiwizz
07-03-2013, 10:28 PM
I agree I think it's always best to be honest with the parents. Maybe it would help in the morning if mum told LO who was picking up so its not a shock in any way?

miffy
07-03-2013, 10:37 PM
I would also mention it to parents but keep it very matter of fact - perhaps suggest lo has a favourite toy to take with them to grandparents and, as someone suggested, mum prepares child for who will be picking up. Could you help by getting child ready to go and taking them out to the car/strapping them in etc - might save a lot of time and tears.

Miffy xx

Koala
08-03-2013, 04:37 AM
Tell the parents.

And maybe just remind them that children aren't pass the parcels as well. How many carers does this child have? I know it's difficult organizing care for the most important thing in our life but....

How would they like having to go to 4+ different places each week and each one having different rules, regulations, atmospheres oh and only just got a grip of the language? We all have our favourite grandparents when we were little, there may not be anything 'wrong' with the grandparents - it's the little one finding the situation hard to deal with and lets face it - he shouldn't have to!

thills
08-03-2013, 07:18 AM
Please don't shoot me but playing devils advocate...... What if there is a reason child doesn't like going to the grandparents house, and why grandad stays in car?

As I said devils advocate, but having recently done a whole lot on safeguarding on a course and at college without knowing anymore background it makes me a little worried if child is fine going with others.

tinyp164
08-03-2013, 08:41 AM
Morning! I have spoken to mum this morning and made her aware.
Mum said she's going to ask grandparents how he is when he leaves me and if they are getting on ok and see what their response is. She also said he seems fine when she collects him, he runs to her and she said he does this when anyone has him, and maybe it's just that he likes me and being here...a lovely thing to say but I'm not so sure that's the reason. I'm wondering if its something to do with association, maybe something happened when he was with them or they have told him off and he was upset so now associates that with them. I'm just guessing though so hopefully mum might find out the reason.
As far as fave toys he has one already and takes them everywhere and we always tell him who's picking him up and always have done. However maybe I will try putting him in the car,at least then I might get him out of the door.
Thank you all so much for your responses I don't have any children of my ow so find it very helpful getting mums opinions, although like I said if it was mine I wouldn't like the thought that my child was unhappy.

rosebud
08-03-2013, 09:44 AM
Please don't shoot me but playing devils advocate...... What if there is a reason child doesn't like going to the grandparents house, and why grandad stays in car?

As I said devils advocate, but having recently done a whole lot on safeguarding on a course and at college without knowing anymore background it makes me a little worried if child is fine going with others.

These were my initial thought too and for this reason I am glad you have told mum. It is probably nothing and as others have said the child is confused. I remember as a child preferring one set of grandparents over the other (they gave more presents!) so think it is quite normal. But on the off chance that there is something wrong at least you have made mum aware of it.

FussyElmo
08-03-2013, 09:57 AM
These were my initial thought too and for this reason I am glad you have told mum. It is probably nothing and as others have said the child is confused. I remember as a child preferring one set of grandparents over the other (they gave more presents!) so think it is quite normal. But on the off chance that there is something wrong at least you have made mum aware of it.

Just about to say perhaps this set of grandparents are a bit stricter and dont do treats etc.

I know my mindee is spoilt rotten by one set to the point of ridiculous granddad carries her to the car she is 6.

The other set live a bit away and only picked up once. The tantrum that kid threw because granddad wouldnt pick her up and told her she had to walk. I actually said well done granddad!