View Full Version : Parent turning nasty after termination of contract,please help !

01-03-2013, 11:26 PM
Short background,around 1.5 years ago or so,I took on this child who was just under 1 years old.
I was recommended to his parents by my daughter's uncle's wife,who knew the mother.
She turned out to be a very,very difficult parent,she would sometimes call and text me as late as midnight with queries such as "He has a spot on his leg,shall I call A&E?",and if she sent a text of this nature and I did not respong,she woudl literally barrage me with texts along the lines of "Why are you not replying? Are you avoiding me? What have I done to upset you?",I'd tell her the next day "Listen,you have to respect that I have a life outside work,you cannot call or text me at midnight !".I ended up giving her a notice of termination of contract after she kept literally harrassing me over the christmas holidays 2011.She would call me to ask about things such as "He has a cold and he cannot sleep,should I take him to the doctors? He had a runny poo,does that mean that he is ill?", I am not exaggerating,I swear,it would be these questions that literally anyone with common sense would know the answer to,but she would get very rude and nasty if I did not reply ,I got a text saying" Oh well,I take it that you are far to important to deal with me,I am nothing to you,you don't care about my child !",and she left a string of abusive voicemails.

After I server her the notice,she pleaded with me to reconsider,she blamed her actions on the fact that English is not her native tongue (as if ! I am not born here either,so that disn't wash with me)
Stupidly I gave in on the condition that I would only have to deal with her partner,who is a very nice and pleasant man.
Their child had severe behavioural problems also (he would not socialise with other children,would react very badly to any noise and had many symptoms that I have seen in children with Aspberger's,and although I am not qualified enough to make a diagnosis,there were many similarities to a boy with Aspbergers I had cared for many years ago. His parents did not want to acknowledge that there was any problems,and I felt very bad in giving up on him,as I didn't want to let him down.
So,I carried on looking after him.

Then gradually the mother started to drop him off and collect him again,and basically,I ended up giving them a 4 week trial again just before this christmas. She accused to of giving my other mindee preferential treatment,which really was below the belt and completely unfounded,and above all,very hurtful.She based this upon the fact that she heard the other mindee's mother thanking me for the picture I sent (she had returned to work after 1 year,sent me a text "Could you please send me a pic of my little boy,I miss him !",and I messaged her one)
I sent the other mother pics of her son too on a regular basis,but not on that particular day,and because of this,she kicked off in big style.

So,the 4 week trial finished,she had behaved herself,and I thought things had improved...of course they hadn't!

This week I finally had enough. She claimed that I was making her suffer as all other childminders have a 1 hour weekly meeting with the mindees parents to discuss their weekly progress,and that everyone else write a minute to minute daily account of everything that their mindees do (as in "Nap 11,21- 12,32" ,14,21-A runny number two",and that if he learnt a news word,I should write down the exact time, and "I expect you to do this from now on,you are hardly very professional !",and I saw red !
I have treated her child like my own,I even went out and got him a new pair of trousers when they kept sending him here in trousers several sizes too small,full of holes and that chaffed so bad that they gave him blisters around the thighs.

Because I ended the contract she now wants to take me to the small claims court (for what heaven knows,I do not owe her a penny) and she says she will report me to Ofsted (for god knows what! I have Never done anything wrong!)
Allt he previous and present mindee's parents will back me up,but I am still so stressed out.
Ihave had to blocke her from contacting me on my mobile,and I have had to make sure all her emails goes straight into spam,as they are so abusive,nasty and threatening.
I don't know what I am worried about really,but I had a panic attack this evening (I have lost track of the number of emaisl and texts that she has sent over the last couple of days),and I suppose that the stress of dealing with her finally got to me.

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? I normally would not let things get to me,but she truly is a very,very nasty piece of work,and I am worried about what will happen next,because it seems she will stop at nothing to blacken my reputation now,as I had to end our arrangement.

01-03-2013, 11:35 PM
God what a nightmare for you .
So long as you log everything and keep a record of all the emails etc she hasn;t got a leg to stand on and you are well shot of her.
Open a bottle of wine and chill out and forget about her .
The majority of clients are wonderful but there is always some out there who are a pain in the proverbial back side .
Take care .

01-03-2013, 11:41 PM
:group hug: to you-how horrid...I haven't had the same or as bad anyway-had one who sent nasty,personal texts but only when I gave her notice for non-payment and it only lasted a few days, yours sounds like a right psycho!!

Print off all abusive emails and save texts for your records-If it was me I would probably ring Ofsted and tell them to expect a complaint explaining why...if the abuse continues maybe Morton Michel/NCMA will act on your behalf and send her a nicely threatening letter from their legal team to warn her off...this is harrassment!!?:D

01-03-2013, 11:49 PM
Thank's hun :)
I think I am reacting in this way (ie,maybe a tad ott ) as this has been such a long time coming.
I usually never get worked up about anything,but she has turned so nasty and so vicious,she literally stood outside my house shouting her head off,insult after insult,and I just spoke to her calmly and said that I would not be spoken (well,shouted at) in such manner,and she said that she was going to make things hard for me.
I have never been through anything remotely like this before,and somehow I have got the feeling that this won't be the last I hear from her.I had to tell her (in my final email) that I would have to report her for harrassment should she make any further attempts to contact me.Not sure if that will do the trick,but I refuse to put up with this.

01-03-2013, 11:53 PM
Aaaah,that's a great thought Migimoo, I will definetly contact Ofsted on Monday.At least then they will have it on their records,should she contact them (which I am rather certain that she will)

02-03-2013, 12:11 AM
If she is going to report you do you realise you will have a full inspection so make sure books are all up to date. This happened to me and had ofsted out they were at mine for 4 hours. I got good for inspection which she said was very good as stakes had been set high, people who had good last time were getting satisfactory. I was the 3rd childminder when she came to me and the child was only 4months. it gets logged on your report you had a complaint and it says what they have complained about. But mine was no action

02-03-2013, 05:00 AM
If it's logged on your report it's confidential and isnot seen by anyone else if there's no action.

02-03-2013, 07:01 AM
Unblock her on both your mobile and emails - let her send them to you and then record them to show Ofsted/Small Claims Court and anyone else she wants to bad mouth you to to show her true character. Do not reply to anything she sends you. If she owes you money for fees - send it as a letter to her recorded delivery (I also had to do this) and then you can claim through your insurance or Small Claims Court if needs be.

I had a parent do this to me, letters, emails, texts - report to Ofsted and SS. All because she owed me money and did not want to pay. I called Ofsted (before she did) and emailed in a statement about what had happened and included all the messages I had received at that time. Ofsted came to see me and laughed at her claims, as did SS. She carried on bad mouthing me to everyone (although would hide in the playground if she saw me) so in the end I had the Police go to her house and warn her that if she continued it would be classed as harassement and charges would be bought against her. I also had a solicitor write a letter to her advising that what she was doing was slander and she would be liable in a court of law should I wish to press charges. Needless to say, she backed off totally.

I only ever received one more email from her - to say I had misunderstood what she meant with all these vile comments and would I take her son on again.......mmmmm..... NO!! I never even responded to her and just continued to ignore her when I saw her, but say hi to her son.

Hope it all works out ok - there really are some bitter and twisted people on this planet. xx

blue bear
02-03-2013, 08:24 AM
That is shocking, you say you have suspicions of sen in the little boy,well I have suspicions of mental health problems in the mother. The little boy has been lucky you have stuck at it for so long.
gather evidence, every, message and email, write up a time line of events. Ring ofsted and insurance company and I would also ring the police for advice. You have been amazing putting up with this, stay strong you will get through it.

02-03-2013, 08:33 AM
My god how awful for you, good advice above & I do hope you can sort this out. Hold your head high knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Things like this make us realise how important it is to record evidence if so much as a single word is out of place.

Sorry no advice but hopefully you know we are all here to listen & help xx

02-03-2013, 09:01 AM
Adding my support cos the situation sounds awful.

I have nothing to add to what others have suggested x

02-03-2013, 09:19 AM
How awful. Can you get a new phone number for a while, just so you can avoid reading her rubbish? So long as you pass it to your nearest and dearest you wouldn't feel like you have to check each time a message ping in. hope she leaves you alone soon.

02-03-2013, 09:42 AM
I agree with previous posts.

Let her take you to small claims court. Do you really think she'll win?

Let her complain to Ofsted. Just make sure everything at your setting is in order, and that you've documented the whole affair and made that preliminary call to Ofsted before she does. Once you're prepared, you have nothing to fear. She may not even know how to complain. They do not always come out in response to a complaint: they don't have the resources. Since September 2012, they tend to inspect only in response to a more serious complaint - and the more serious it is, the harder it is for them to find any evidence to back up a malicious complaint.

Unblock her email and print them off as evidence. Don't reply to emails. Don't open attachments in case they harbour malicious scripts.

Record and store her voicemails. If that's not possible, transcribe them onto paper with a note of the date/time. Contact the police and your phone company to report harrassing/abusive calls. They can monitor these things and even withdraw her phone line. Personally, I'd have done this the moment she started with the midnight phone calls. In fact, I'd probably have given notice a long time before now.

One thing to learn for the future. No matter how good you are, or how sweet and needy the child is, never let your dedication or attachment to the lo tie you to a client who is going to walk all over you. No matter how much you care, the parent can take the child away tomorrow and never be seen again.

You are strong and you will get through all this. Believe. :thumbsup:

02-03-2013, 03:53 PM
Unblock her emails and then go to the police,more than 2 unwanted emails/texts etc count as harassment and it's in your best interest to show this evidence to the police.
Have been in exactly the same position and never again will I go back on notice EVER!!!!!
but hindsight is a wonderfully tool,pick yourself you p and face her head on with a strong "back off" message.
Hugs x x

02-03-2013, 03:59 PM
Unblock her emails and then go to the police,more than 2 unwanted emails/texts etc count as harassment and it's in your best interest to show this evidence to the police.
Have been in exactly the same position and never again will I go back on notice EVER!!!!!
but hindsight is a wonderfully tool,pick yourself you p and face her head on with a strong "back off" message.
Hugs x x

I agree, I had a situation with an ex who, completely out of the blue, sent a nasty letter to me and one to my best friend on mothers day, hand delivered through our doors. The police took it very seriously and went round and spoke to him and warned that if it happened again he would get a formal caution. Needless to say we have never seen or heard from him since, that was 5yrs ago!

02-03-2013, 05:00 PM
It really is a matter for the police,she sounds un hinged

02-03-2013, 05:05 PM
Good luck with it all, I have nothing to add to what everyone else on here has said but Im offering my support. I dont understand why some people are like this. Surely she must be able to see that she is in the wrong and that there is no way she will win any sort of battle in a claims court.

02-03-2013, 10:45 PM
This is terrible!

I think you have a case for harassment and should contact the police for advice. I would write one final email, saying please di not contact me again. That you do not feel the nature and number if her contacts is appropriate, that you are feeling uncomfortable and threatened. that if this continues you will contact the police.

keep all emails and texts etc to show to the police. Hopefully she will get the message.

Good luck x x

hectors house
02-03-2013, 10:58 PM
I would contact the police, warn Ofsted that this parent may ring and it's a pity we can't turn the tables and contact the health visitor or social services as this woman doesn't sound fit to be looking after this child, especially if he has special needs which aren't being acknowledged or addressed by her.

03-03-2013, 12:22 AM
She does sound as if she has mental health problems, she is not normal. So i would have this logged with the police as soon as she got aggressive. :panic:

03-03-2013, 08:10 AM
safeguard yourself, contact the police and any other body that you work with: ofsted, LEA, NCMA, your insurance company etc.. for advice.

03-03-2013, 04:06 PM
This is awfull for you sending u big hugs x

03-03-2013, 05:41 PM
Thank you everyone :)

The one reason why I didn't let her go before was because I am too much of a soft touch.My problem is that I have too much empathy for people,so felt sorry for her son and therefore I kept him on.If this has taught me anything,it is to not repeat such a mistake again. Also ,being a single parent,I could not afford to let them go either,so was caught between a rock and a hard place. But eventually the situation simply got much too stressfull for me to deal with.

I will call Ofsted tomorrow,not sure if I should also email them so that they have got all the correct information on file?
Luckily I have two personal friends who are police officers,so will have a chat with them tomorrow as well for further advice,as well as my insurer.

I just cannot believe how someone can get that nasty.There is definetly something not right about her,and I went againts my gut instinct when I took her on,another mistake that I certainly shall not repeat ever again.

03-03-2013, 05:56 PM
We all live and grow through our mistakes, down beet yourself up.

Every week there is something that happens which leaves me reflecting and changing.

03-03-2013, 06:24 PM
I'd definitely would go to the police about the harassment , if for no other reason than to back you up to ofsted! Hugs to you :) x

03-03-2013, 07:25 PM
Bless you Tetti,

Just wanted to send a big hug through my laptop. You have put up with so much, more than you need to. Please don't worry about it though you have plenty of evidence for Ofsted to see what is happening here and they will support you. I once had a parent get verbally abusive in my home and in front of my children and she threatened me with Ofsted, she never did make a complaint in the end but for my own peace of mind I wrote an exclusion policy stating that I will not allow any parent to be verbally aggressive towards me. I haven't had a situation like this since but I will not stand for it again.

stay strong xxx

The Juggler
03-03-2013, 10:00 PM
lots of good advice hon. just wanted to send a hug. I too would def. call the police if she's standing outside your house shouting. :panic:

03-03-2013, 10:22 PM
I've had crazy parents...keep records of her nasty emails and texts. Make sure your paper work all sorted. I agree with everyones feedback.
She will call ofsted but you did nothing wrong so dont worry we can't please everyone all the time and some parents have issues sounds like she's very immature and could have mental health problems. big hug to you. x

04-03-2013, 12:51 PM
Thank you all. She may not call Ofsted,I threatened to report her for harassment should she contact me again,so it is not a given that she will contact Ofsted as really,she has not got anything to complain about,unless she invents some issue.

I did find several previous emails that I thought I had lost (had just saved them in a different folder),and after reading these ,where she actually admits to her being in the wrong on previous occasions where I had to issue her with a notice of termination of contract. She also states how good care I provide to her son and how very happy he was in my setting,and that any problems were down to her,so having this in black and white,plus the backup of my previous and present mindee's parents,well,she wouldn't have much of a case.

I rang Ofsted today,but they said that my call would not make any difference as If she does lodge a complaint,they have to investigate it regardless,and they cannot take into account that I contacted them first as that will not make any difference.However,they told me to keep any emails/text etc from her.

Can I just clarify that we are under no legal obligation to return "daily diaries" and pictures that we have taken for observations to the parents after an agreement ends? This women seems to think that we are,but I have never heard such thing.

hectors house
04-03-2013, 01:13 PM
I would return daily diary and Learning journal - it is my understanding that these are the property of the child/parents regardless of whether you bought the paper.

Photos depends on what is in your photo permission - if she gave permission for you to use them for your own photo albums/records then I would keep them, if permission was for observations then I would give them back.

04-03-2013, 02:20 PM
Thank you :)

She kept saying that I had his daily diary,but she kept forgetting to bring it,so I ended up having to tell her at collection time or by text what should have gone into the diary (I lost track at how many different diaries I had bought,filled in and that she had lost,but she always claimed that I had them here !unbeliavable)

I have made a disch with the images of him that I still had on my laptop,but many other images (including ones not related to my work) were lost when my external hard drive broke,and she can't get those as there is nothing that I can do about that.

This whole thing has just been exhausting, I will be very,very careful about who I take on next.It almost put me off this job altogether,but I guess that you can come across people like her anywhere.It is just that when you are self employed and work from home,you feel alot more vulnerable,don't you?

04-03-2013, 02:43 PM
Don't give up tetti, you've had your share of loonies now, hopefully you won't get another one. Statistics, if there is any, I am sure would suggest we all get one loony at some point or another in our career.

I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on the situation. :panic: It will drive you crackers :panic:

04-03-2013, 04:33 PM
She does sound as if she has mental health problems, she is not normal. So i would have this logged with the police as soon as she got aggressive. :panic:

Her actions do not mean she has mental health issues, it means she is a nasty piece of work who likes to cause trouble. The two rarely go together.