View Full Version : Private property issues

11-02-2013, 08:57 PM
I have a school aged mindee on adhoc basis who seems to have problems with accepting that not every room in my home can be entered and not all the toys played with. We keep childminding downstairs and as a rule we do not use upstairs unless it's bathroom. My children have their rooms upstairs. Downstairs all toys can be played with. The mindee is incredibly nosey.He followed my daughter to her room and then proceeded to help himself to her toys. She asked him not to touch them and as soon as I noticed he was gone I called them all downstairs. I just had the mother on the phone who said he's refused to come to mine as he's been told by a bossy child not to touch anything. AIBU to expect the children to respect my and my children's privacy and to stay downstairs? The mother made me feel really bad to a point when I started to feel angry with my daughter but then I thought it's her room and her toys and she does not have to share them.

11-02-2013, 09:38 PM
It's not your daughters fault, you need to reassure her that she was right and she has the right to her privacy.

You also have the right to privacy, Tell the parent and child together that there are boundaries, tell them where the are allowed to access and explain this is part of your safeguarding policy for ALL concerned.

DO NOT let parents intimidate you, if the mindee had an accident upstairs when and where he shouldn't be the parent would soon be challenging you about safeguarding and risk assessments then. :thumbsup:

12-02-2013, 12:03 AM
Your house and so it's your rules and your daughters room is out of bounds. Don't feel bad or cross at your daughter . I think mum needs to brush up on her manners as well :thumbsup:

12-02-2013, 06:29 AM
Im sorry but i think I would be telling mum that her child knows that upstairs is out of bounds and he should have respected that.

If he had gone into my dds room he would have not been told not to touch but to get out.

12-02-2013, 06:42 AM
I have the same rule in my house, upstairs is out of bounds. Stand strong and just let them know in a polite way that all lo's follow this rule and it would be unfair for this one to get special priveledges. Hth

12-02-2013, 07:04 AM
I also find this hard with my 11 year old mindees but I have just be firm with them I do not want my entire house taking over by others.... I like some arejp to for my family

Stand your ground its your house your rules

12-02-2013, 07:17 AM
Our bedrooms have always be out of bounds. Even though my whole house is registered and I may sleep children upstairs I will not even show parents upstairs! Interestingly they rarely ask, but if they do as some parents did last week, I explain that they are are bedrooms and private and they have to trust that Ofsted have inspected them and approved them for us and that I continue to Risk Assess them. Sorry but no one but my family goes in our bedrooms. This is my home not an institution open to all!

I would be having stiff words with the child and the parent and frankly if they don't like it and don't want to respect your home they are given notice on the condition that they abide by the house rules and one breach will mean no more care. I would put this in writing and get the parent to sign that she will work with you to improve her child's attitude and behaviour.

Daisy De
12-02-2013, 08:24 AM
Sounds like this mindee might be more trouble than his ad hoc hours are worth.

I would be furious if a parent spoke to me like that on the phone about this issue, as everyone says its your house, your rules and why would he need to go upstairs or why, to be honest, would he when he knows its out of bounds, sounds like his mum needs to tighten up on his understanding of respect for others and following rules from adults.

Don't let her bully you, or better still give notice.

OOOh I'm in a no nonsense mood this morning :laughing:

12-02-2013, 10:59 AM
Same rules here,upstairs is for using the toilet only-I had a 5yr old who would say he needed the loo then I could hear the floorboards creaking in my son's room...if I went up he'd be in the loo all flustered where he'd ran out.

I explained to him and mum together that the upstairs wasn't registered or insured apart from the bathroom you could try that? (but that didn't work either) we ended up putting small latches high up on our bedroom doors that only we can reach and got in the habit of 'locking up' each morning....could you do that?

12-02-2013, 06:17 PM
We have latches high up on our doors upstairs and when my two boys come home we unlock them. Mindees are only allowed in my boys bedrooms if invited otherwise downstairs unless bathroom.

12-02-2013, 06:49 PM
I childmind downstairs and have toilet downstairs too so need to go up stairs. Little ones sleep up their if they are in a cot etc but that's it. The older ones always ask what's upstairs and just reply beds where we sleep. Childminding takes over my life as it is- need some privacy