View Full Version : I would appreciate some opinions on this

25-01-2013, 02:37 PM
and I need some perspective too, I think I am overthinking it.

I CM for 2 siblings, one is 8 the other is just turned 6.
The older boy has, in my opinion always been the more challenging. When you do one activity you have to be thinking 6 activities ahead for him, he has a lowish attention span, but very complicatd ideas if that makes sense. He also uses a lot of large words and long winding explanations but if you ask him to do a simple command he says "I don't understand what you mean"

Anyway he hates being told off anf goes in a huff. I have had 3 incidents of it this week.
1 - whne he deliberately put a snowball down his siblings back, despite being aksed 3 times by me not to throw snowballs. He then said "it was an accident".
2 - He stuck out his arm, and walloped little girl mindee in the face, again he said it was an accident.

If he is told off - by me or his parents - he doesn't speak, actual full on ignoring, not speaking when spoken too and general huffing and pufffing and stomping.

Today before school he was making something out of card. He asked for sellotape. i said "I don't think I have any, have some glue" to which he said glue was no good, then he ripped up what he ahd made and threw it on the table and stomped off to the living room. I asked him why he'd done it and said it was silly and that I'd been going to look or sellotapte. He then hit his brother but when I asked him about it he said "I hit his ****** school bag"

Anyway he then refused to speak or acknowledge me in any way. twice I had to raise my voice at him just to get him to do something. On the way to school he took off running almost in front,and at one point he was out of sight. I had to run wih other mindees to catch him up. He did this (running in front) 3 times, and when I called him he ignored me, again I had to raise my voice.

my main concern are
the fact he had such an extreme over reaction to being told there was no sellotape, and ore importantly in my eyes, the fact he was out of sight and ignoring me while walking along a busy(ish) footpath. it is just over a mile walk to school.
If I am honest I am quite upset about the whole incident, I am wondering if I handeled it it wrongly. I could do with some opinions/advice please

blue bear
25-01-2013, 04:10 PM
Little monkey, this age can be quite difficult.
You need to lay down the rules and the consequences for not following those rules before you set off anywhere.

Write up the running off incident today and have a proper sit down chat with parents and him, make it clear this is not acceptable the eyfs states that the care of children eight plus must not have a negative impact on the younger children, make it clear any more of this nonsense and you will be forced to give notice.

His behaviour to his brother sounds white typical sibling behaviour especially for eight year old boys, that said I would be coming down on him hard each and every time, my mindees tell people blue bear only looks after good children if you are naughty you are not allowed to come back.

The huffing and puffing and ripping his stuff up is the beginning of the terrible teen style behaviour, I fear there is worse to come.

You did fine, you just have to learn when to challenge and when to leave him to sulk it out.

25-01-2013, 04:35 PM
Some kids, especially boys, and especially the older boys in a group, find it extremely hard to cope with being told off or corrected when their peers can hear it. They feel demeaned and humiliated, and often cannot help but take it personally. It is just the way these kids are wired, they will mature in their own time, but while they learn to handle knock backs better they need to be handled with a creative awareness, and sensitivity.
Telling him, in the hearing of others, that he was silly was perhaps a little bit silly in itself. He would have been embarrased and belittled and would then need to find a way to get back at you and take back that power in the eyes of the other kids.
There is a natural hierarchy within every group of kids, and as carers we need to spot it and work out how to ensure all the kids are respectful, and safe whilst allowing the hierarchy to exist. Without it the group will not gel or have natural cohesion, and members within the group may become beligerant and unsettled.

25-01-2013, 04:35 PM
I've had similar with siblings: was really not enjoying my job for a few weeks.
Firstly tried explaining to him why his behaviour was unacceptable: no effect at all, which surprised me as I've cared for him for a couple of years and he's always been fine after a reminder of the rules and why we have them etc. It really is an age thing: think they get hormone surges around 8 yrs and start to poush boundaries; ind their emotions hard to control and can't see why they should :D
Next I told parents his behaviour had deteriorated which seemed to help a bit for a short time, as he would face consequences at home. Consequences here were sitting in time out to think about behaviour and calm down: he refused to and spent an entire after school session sitting in the play house shouting and throwing the contents across the room :angry:. Luckily only him and his siblings here, but not a pleasant experience and I wouldnt have accepted him back without parents support.

Now I use good old bribery; good behaviour each day is rewarded with tv for the final 30 minutes they are here :cool: and good behaviour all week means we all rock out with rock band on their final evening for the last hour. Now any 'slipping' into old behaviour gets a reminder that they'll be doing x later but only if they can control themselves and behave; say sorry immediately etc.

Good luck :thumbsup:

25-01-2013, 04:37 PM
if he can't walk sensibly next to the buggy then you need to offer him a choice - he walks, he holds on or he goes on a wrist strap. Explain to parents that it is a serious safeguarding issue and not one you are going to play games about.

I'd ask parents to have a word anyway - if his behaviour adversely affects the little ones you will have to give notice and they will struggle to find someone else if word gets out (obv you wouldn't say anything but other childminders and parents see what is happening).

I completely ignore sulking and tearing things up and other stuff like that... but then I have survived 2 teenagers and I am very careful about picking my battles :laughing:

Hugs xx

25-01-2013, 04:56 PM
Hi, I haven't had any older mindees yet but my daughter went through a stage of running off a few years ago when she was about 7 years old. I told her I it carried on she would go on reins! She laughed at me and ran off across a road ( luckily a quiet one!) so next morning on went the reins , much to her disgust and her friends amusement. She never did it again :) x

25-01-2013, 05:09 PM
I had the running ahead issue with one boy of about 7. Mum allowed him to do it so I can understand his issues. One morning I walked to school holding his hand. He walked after that lol :D

The Juggler
25-01-2013, 05:45 PM
i agree about ignoring as much as possible, threatening with holding buggy or wrist strap but I draw the line at the swearing.

I would be having serious words with parents about this and tell them to speak with him and that if it keeps happening that you mgiht have to reconsider the contract :panic:

25-01-2013, 06:52 PM
Sounds like the 8yrold boy I look after, he will sometimes not answer me so I won't let him play till he does, if he gives a silly answer he goes in time out, if he runs off or won't listen when we are out then he holds the pram, if he wouldn't then I would put a wrist strap on him as saftey of him an the others come first, I did a face chart each time he was good for so long or did somthing nice he got a smiley face, when naughty he got a sad face if he got more smiles than sad he could choose an activity for the next day or have half hour on the Wii, mine would also do constant activities but I have limited it to one a day as I feel they need time to play aswell, I found letting him have a place he could play on his own helped too so I would half a box of toys so everyone could still play with the same stuff but he could have his time, the sister once asked for this too but she soon got bored on her own lol
Firm boundries and not letting him get away with anything and praising the slightest thing helped the most.

28-01-2013, 02:05 PM
Thanks for the replies, sorry I haven't been back, I was ill over the weekend.
I had a chat with his mum, although from experience mum doesn't seem to like hearing negative things about her children. However he seemed brighter today and was much more animated and chatty. No silly name calling to his brother either.
The dad is going away for 4 months soon though ( we live in military environment) and I think the behaviour might deteriorate a bit. The mindee siblings haven't yet been told that dad is going - I did wonder if this was a factor in his behaviour.

28-01-2013, 02:20 PM
The huffing and puffing and ripping his stuff up is the beginning of the terrible teen style behaviour, I fear there is worse to come.

My son (8) is the same, you could be describing him...apart from the running off bit.

Why don't you have a little chat with him next time you have him? Away from the others and just say "Look, do you understand what I'm saying when I say we can't have you behaving like that?" "You're the eldest boy here and I need you to be well-behaved so that the other children look up to you!"
It might also be worth saying as well that nobody, but NOBODY swears at you in your house. What would he think if you went to his house and started swearing at him?!!!"

Just show him some reins (if you have some) and say you'll be keeping them in the pushchair just incase he decides to pull that little stunt again. He can always ask for them if her fells himself getting too far ahead!!!!!!Little bit of reverse psychology I think.

It's a difficult stage isn't it, they so want to be grown up but they are still babies themselves IYSWIM