Real problems in getting child to settle in,please help!!!!

[tetti]

I have looked after a 1 year old boy for 2 months now,but he hasn't settled at all,despite my very best efforts.
He screams non stop from 8am-6pm,and I mean heartbreaching(and eardeafening screams!)
I just dk what to do,have tried everything in the book,believe me,there is no stoned I haven't turned.
He won't interact with the other child or play with any of the toys,he will only sleep about 30 mins over the 10 hours that he spends here.
I have never had this problem previously,as it usually takes no longer than 1-2 weeks for a child to settle in.

I think one problem may be that his parents really mollycuddle him,he never sits in a highchair at home,he'll eat sitting on their laps,they put him to bed about 10pm,and he'll wake up at 5am.
I asked them prior to them signing the contract if the had a set routing,and they assured me he did.
Then one day his grandfather came to pick him up,and asked me how on earth I was coping with him,telling me he would never sleep in the day,and that the child has no routine whatsoever(so,basically,the parents just said whatever I needed to hear in order to get that contract signed)

I just cannot cope with this anymore,it is sooo unsettling for the other child that the parents has now taken him out and are putting him into a nursery!
He used to love coming here,but now he comes in the morning and cries-No,don't want to go,baby cry,mummy,don't want to go!
My only option really is to find a replacement for this child as this constant screaming is wearing everyone down,not just me,the other child and my own child,but the neighbour next door works from home and complained to me the other day about this little boys excessive screaming.

Have any of you ever had this problem?It's def a first for me and I'm at my wits end:panic: .
I feel like a failure in not managing in getting him settled here,but I also know that there's nothing more that I can do.
Not sure if it (his behaviour)has got anything to do with the fact that he is 4 months premature,haven't got much knowledge in that field(if that would affect his development)

But,any advice would be GREATLY appreciated

Thank you:-)

[miffy]

Hello and welcome to the forum - sorry to hear you're having problems - don't think I'd have managed two months non-stop screaming!

The fact that he was premature is probably something to do with the way his parents are with him - basically letting him do as he wishes!

I would say as it's affecting the rest of your business and your home life give notice and get your sanity back - you've given it a good go.

Would the other parent leave her child with you and not send to nursery if you explained you were giving notice - at least that way you'd be no worse off than you were a couple of months ago

Good luck - let us know how you get on

miffy xx

[jaja]

I would speak to the parents and see what they say, explain the problem and ask them how they feel about his behaviour at home, it could be that he isnt happy leaving them and is basically tamtrum against coming to you (no offense meant) or that there is a problem with him and they didnt want to say in case you didnt take him on. I would suggest a review with parents and say enough is enough, help me or take him away...

I wouldnt put up with two months of screaming for anyone , good luck xxxxx

[Splish Splosh]

poor you I know how you feel I had a lo who stayed with me for a month and she screamed all day in the end I wrote the parent a letter stating that she was so unhappy and nothing would pacify spent all her time screaming at the front door was so sad.

I had to terminate the contract for all involved as it was to upsetting to carry on with it.

good luck with what you decide.

[Delly]

Hi and welcome, don't worry you are doing a good job its not just you !! we have all gone through it at some point im sure.

I agree with Miffy, I do think that being premature could be a factor,

my mindee was exactly the same (she was a prem baby too), when she first started she wanted to be picked up all the time, and cried constantly if I didn't give her full attention or left the room. the parent at the time actually used to call her the "velcro baby" she needs to be attached all the time..

I found it really hard but eventually she settled, did take a few months though, it makes me laugh now because she cries when its hometime !!..


Good luck with it all :)

[Rainy]

I think i would give the parents notice and try and keep hold of the other little one. I used to have a little boy who done nothing but cry but it wasn't because he was unhappy it was because he was so used to being carried round on mum or dads hip all day that it was a big shock for him when i wouldn't do it. If i went to the loo he would stand at the door and scream or when i got out of the car he would scream while i was getting the buggy out until i had opened his door to get him out. He just never wanted me to leave his side and it drove me mad. I put up with this for 18 months then thankfully he left cos mum went on maternity leave. She aked me to have him back a year later when she went back to work but i told a white lie and said sorry i'm full.
Hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do.

[tetti]

I had a chat with the other parent this morning,and she told me it's make more sense for her to put her boy in the nursery anyway(as they are not local,and this nursery is near their home)

If I could I'd def give this family their notice now,but as I am the sole provider for my child I am relying on my income.
I have recieved some enquiries from a few families,but they are not looking to start until Sep-Oct,but I think as long as I KNOW that he will be going,I can start to relax more(knowing that there's an end in sight!:-)

I just dk what I'd tell his parents when giving them the notice,I can sense they would not take it too well if I told them the real reason why I need to let him go,perhaps I should just tell them something along the lines of that I need to reduce my hours and therefor I will need to terminate the contract,hmmm.

Whoops!Just as I'm writing this I've had not one ,but TWO phonecalls from people wanting a space,a part timer who wants to start in 3 wks,and a fulltimer who wants to start in 6 weeks!!!I cannot believe it!What are the odds of that happening,just as I'm having a moan about my present situation,keep your fingers crossed for me please:)

[Rainy]

Thats brilliant, hope you get both of them :)

[sarah707]

Fingers crossed!

As far as giving notice goes, you don't have to give a reason ...

If you do feel you have to say something, 'personal circumstances' covers a multitude :D

[tetti]

That is true,personal circumstances,I can act a bit coy(ask I KNOW they will ask me in detail why I have come to that decision,and I'll just reply-It's personal,I'd rather not discuss it!:laughing: )

Yes,I am meeting the woman interested in a pt space on Frid,then I hope to meet the other woman and her child as soon as.

I was absolutely shattered when the mother of the little boy came to pick him up this eve,did tell her that he'd been crying all day,that he only slept for 10,yes,TEN minutes during the 10 hrs that he was here.
Then she proceeds asking me all this questions about who I'm getting in to replace the other boy,and moaning about me wanting to take a week off!
I just know there will be trouble once I give them the notice,they will definetly kick up a fuss.

I am soo wary though, as I once had to let a child go after a very short period,her parents kept "forgetting" to pay me,forgetting to tell me they'd decided to take a day off etc,so I had to give them their notice pretty promptly.
Then the mother reported me to Ofsted(!),claimed I had no "medical records" of the children(the form where they have to fill in the gp's details etc),and that I had no buggy(!):rolleyes:
I could see the fun side of it as she had indeed signed a form,providing her daughter's gp's details etc,so that was on record,of course being a childminder I do have a buggy(doh!),well,actually two to be precise,one single and one double!lol
The parents of the other child I looked after also rung Ofsted to back me up,so it the complaint was thrown out as it was based on false accusations.
I just dread the parents of this child pulling a similar stunt,first they came across as pretty nice people,but the more I see of them.....

And they say that a childminder's work is easy???:-)

[mum22]

Poor you, it just goes to show you never know whats around the corner.... Best of luck with the prospective new mindees - fingers crossed for you
x helen

[Trouble]

good luck with the new ones

get rid of the other

i had one like that it slept 18 mins and screamed the rest of the time but in the end i admitted defeat and gave up

i feel 10 times better for it and dont regret it for a ssecond

good luck once again.

[wendywu]

Tell them you are having a nervous break down caused by their baby.:eek:

The garden shed seems like a good place for this little one:laughing: :

[theoldwoman]

I used to have a little boy that made himself sick if he didn't like something - in the end I'd just stick him out the back door while he did it & bring him in when he had finished, ugh. He was scared of another lo I had (younger than him) and did it whenever he went near him. I felt sorry for his parents as he did it for them too, they couldn't go to pubs or anything, in the end I had to make an excuse and finish with him, he went to another childminder and then a nursery but they all gave up. His mum had to give up work in the end.

Sue

[tetti]

This morning he's worse than ever!
I've had to call his mum and say-Come and take him,he's been screaming all morning:eek:
His cries are soo loud and eardeafening that I just can't cope!
I am seeing the woman interested in a pt position tomorrow,and if she takes the space,I'll just have to let him go.
Ok,that will mean I only have about £200 left a month after all my outgoings(until I find someone to take the other space).
But I just can't handle this anymore.Whenever he turns up in the morning my stomach turns into knots as I know I'll have 10 hrs of LOUD,constant screaming ahead of me.
I might call them tomorrow morning,say I'm ill or something(as I just don't want that woman tomorrow to get put off by his screaming,I think she'd turn around and leave as soon as she'd get here.Also,there's no way that we cold have a conversation with him here)

Oh dear,how on earth can one little child cause sooo much stress?:huh:

[tetti]

I cannot believe this,the child was as I said,screaming all morning,I seriously thought that something really was wrong with him,then his mum comes and he transforms in seconds into a giggly,very happy little boy(thank's!)
When I rung the mum earlier in the day even she started to panic as his screams were so bad,but who'd know eh....
It just re-confirmed my belief that he just won't settle in here,he's only screaming because he's not with his mum.And if he's not used to being apart from her 2 months on,then it just ain't going to happen.
She was also very rude and abrupt with the other boy that I look after,which just isn't on.All he did was brush some crumbs out of the lil boy's buggy,and he got a real ticking off(eh?)

Haven't heard back from the woman interested in the ft vacancy yet(emailed her info last night),but hopefully she'll get in touch so that we can meet up.The sooner I can fill both vacancies,the better!

[katickles]

I cannot believe this,the child was as I said,screaming all morning,I seriously thought that something really was wrong with him,then his mum comes and he transforms in seconds into a giggly,very happy little boy(thank's!)
When I rung the mum earlier in the day even she started to panic as his screams were so bad,but who'd know eh....
It just re-confirmed my belief that he just won't settle in here,he's only screaming because he's not with his mum.And if he's not used to being apart from her 2 months on,then it just ain't going to happen.
She was also very rude and abrupt with the other boy that I look after,which just isn't on.All he did was brush some crumbs out of the lil boy's buggy,and he got a real ticking off(eh?)

Haven't heard back from the woman interested in the ft vacancy yet(emailed her info last night),but hopefully she'll get in touch so that we can meet up.The sooner I can fill both vacancies,the better!


That just typical.

It does sound ike he just wants to be with his mum & like you said after 2 months you'd of kinda hoped that he would have been settled by now.

Good luck filling your vacancies :)

[tetti]

One good bit of news,the lady who came round reg the pt space took it immediately.Now I just need to chase up the parents who were interested in a ft space so that I can replace that little boy who's screaming never seems to cease!
Fingers crossed!

[wendywu]

From her reaction to your other little mindee touching her buggy i would say she is very uptight and not at all a relaxed person. THis will have rubbed off on the baby, they pick up on things like this. I would say it is her that has made him an unsettled character :panic:

[taiwallis]

Hi there,

I do feel for you. I also had a difficult child once. The screaming was incredible. The thing was that i had to think of the other children in my care, and it was impacting in a negative way to them. It was very unsettling for them. I did give notice, only then to find out that he hadnt gone to his grandmas as he wouldnt settle there either and she couldnt take the screaming! xxx Something else will be around the corner - go with your gut instinct. I think you have left it for a reasonable amount of time. I would also point out that if he is screaming that much for that amount of time, then he is not benefitting from being with you. It could be being detrimental to him. Turn it around onto them, suggest a nursery maybe where there is more than 1 person to take his attention away. xxxx Chin up, wine time soon! xx

[tetti]

Well,actually found something out yesterday,the child's mum belongs to a group of mums that meet up on a regular basis(as they're all from the same country),and I know on of these mothers.Bumped into her yesterday,and it turns out that the boy actually WAS in nursery for all but one month!
I was told he'd never been away from his parents before!:(
So,it has nothing at all to do with him not having enough distraction,he just wants his mum!!!!

I feel a lil bit low as I just can't afford to give them the notice yet.As I mentioned,I'm the sole provider for my child,and I cannot afford to just have one child pt and let him go,I wouldn't have enough to pay the bills!
So,for now I'm really stuck,and I dk what to do in the meantime.
Have yet to hear back from those families who were interested in a ft vacancy,so I suppose that ain't happening.My vacancy is advertised on the council website and in the common room at my child's school,but have you got any suggestions of where else would be a good place to advertise?

[miffy]

Sorry you're feeling down but at least you have one vacancy filled even if it's only part time.

You may also still hear from the other family so don't give up yet.

As for advertising have you tried your local health centre/baby clinic;library;toddler groups;schools;any large employers in the area such as hospitals.

What about getting some business cards printed to hand out - vistaprint have some good deals - or do a leaflet drop in your area.

Mention to everyone that you are now a registered childminder - you never know who may be looking for one.

Good luck

Miffy xx

[tetti]

Yes,I am def going to find alternative ways to advertise my vacancy,as I really need to replace this boy asap.
Not only does he drive me up the wall,lost me one of my mindees as that child just didn't want to come here anymore because of the other child's screaming(wish his parents would have come to me with their concerns before taking him out of my setting as I then would have given the other family their notice then),my neighbours also complain about his screaming as they work from home and are being constantly disturbed.It is also greatly affecting my own child as she cannot concentrate on doing her homework,or anything else for that matter
But,if I served his parents the notice now,then I would have nothing left to live on each month after all the bills has been paid.
That just isn't an option if you are a single parent and the sole provider for your child.
So,all I can do is to advertise wherever I can,and hopefully it will result in me filling the vacancy before too long,fingers crossed!:)

[tetti]

Oh noooooooo!!!!!
The lady who took the vacancy the other day has pulled out,her neighbour introduced her to her childminder who lives just a stones throw away.
I just can't believe it!
So,back to square one again,I'm starting to feel pretty down now:( ,just when it looks like everything's on the up,then whoopsidaisy!
They say everything happens for a reson,but right now I find that kinda hard to believe:-)
Keep your fingers crossed something good will happen.

[Trouble]

wht about advertising on netmums someone on here got some emails of their

sorry your having a hard time

[Heaven Scent]

oh gosh you poor wee thing life can be cruel sometimes - could you as a single parent get some sort of income support to help you at times like this? I don't know how all this works so I'm probably barking up the wrong tree.

I too have a screamer at the moment - he used to be fine until parents took his dummy and bottle off him at the same time. Having said that he only ever had his dummy here when he went to sleep. When he started here at the end of Oct he was only just a year old and was with mum since birth and they moved house twice in his short life - well twice that I know about and that was in the second six months of his little life. They moved to a town close to here from Belgium and lived in a rented house until they could move into the one they bought and I'm not sure they went straight there from Belgium because the dog lived with ther mums parents in Scotland. Anyway he screamed for the 1st 2.5 days and then settled right down and was a real brick and I gradually weaned him off his dummy while he was awake and he always used to hand it straight over to me as soon as dad left and we put it into his bag with his soft toy until sleep time and when he got up he left them both in the cot until the afternoon sleep and then put it in the bag againwhen he got up from that until Dad picked him up and took the toy and dummy from the bag and handed them both over to him despite him not needing it as he got older it became a routine and he went to the bag for them and gave his big sister her soft toy the only problem I had was he had become so attached to me that whenever I left a room he would cry but would settle as soon as I came back. I put that down to the fact that he is put to bed as soon as he gets home and that can be at 5.45 and parents never keep them at home when they have days off as I say he was a real brick and it all worked fantastically well until I went on holiday in May and he went on a camping holiday with the parents - as I say these parents take days off and never have the children off with them and while on holiday, they stopped giving the dummy to the child because they probably realised he didn't look for it.

Anyway, when they came back from holiday the little fella was brilliant he was so chilled and was in great form never cried when I left him in a room - not even when I took his sister to the loo when I went to the childminding group and that lasted for about 3 weeks then the parents decided to stop giving him a bottle and he only had 2 a day then about 2 days later they decided not to let him have the dummy for bed time and told me to only let him have it if he is really bad and won't sleep well to say that when this child cries he screams is putting it mildly. I have had a hellish 2 weeks of him screaming all day if I as much as move from where I am I sometimes can't even reposition myself on a chair sometimes he even screams as soon as the phone rings or there is a knock on the door its really bad because he is totally beside himsel and inconsolable until I appear back but the thing is he can turn it off as quickly as he turns it on and it drives me potty. I've got to the stage that if I have to move I say don't cry and he knows that I'm going to move and he puts on a lip but he can control himself but he just doesn't want to I sometimes just point at him and say 'no - no crying' and he will stop until I disappear he even walks behind me screaming at the top of his voice until I turn around and say no. He never used to cry when I put him to bed and now he screams because he wants his dummy he just cries himself to sleep and as soon as he wakes he starts crying again he always used to be happy to play in his cot for a while when he woke now he sleeps a lot less and as a result is a lot more grumpy when he is up and its a vicious circle. He is just craving for attention and comfort I firmly believe that its because he doesn't have much interaction with his parents because mum has quit a long journey to work and is understandably exhausted in the evenings especially as she hasn't worked since before their 3.5 year old daughter was born plus they are doing up their house and they are doing it to save money and I think its taking all their waking moments of their free time. They want it done now so there is just no time for family time - but this mother is really quite highly strung so I cant say anything to her. She really wants value for money and always goes mad with me when I give her notice of my holidays despite the fact that until Easter I didn't take a day off since I started last Sept and I did explain that I usually took my holidays at easter, May and during the main School holidays and now she moans at me constantly with quite abusive emails.

On the other hand I have had a baby boy since he was 4 mths old who is a much longed for miracle only child who will probably always be an only child and the parents work days so that he is only with me 2 days per week and when dad had him on Tues and Wed he held him all the time. The dad worships the ground this baby walks on it is truely lovely to see but he was becomming the babies worst enemy by holding him all the time but I spoke to the mum - equally lovely about it and she has had words with dad because this little fella went through a phase where I just couldn't mpve without him hanging onto my legs and crying unless I picked him up but dad started to let him get on with it a bit on his days as did grandma on her day and mum at the weekends and he has completely turned around now and is a real delight. - There was a time when my DH used to dread Thursday and Friday when he was due here but this turn around wouldn't have happened if the parents weren't receptive of a little advice.

I'm sorry this is so long but this child has been getting under my skin and I know just where you are coming from, only it must be worse for you because at least I get a break from it so long as I'm next to him - its ok for him to wander off but I can't move. His dad says he screamed constantly when he was little - he is behaving like this at home now too - so its a relief its not just with me and from what the Little girl tells me mum gets quite frustrated with him in the mornings when she is getting ready for work she shouts at him and sometimes slaps him so its a no win situation - Both Dad and the sister have said that he is like this at home but when I sent mum a text the other week when he started this to say he seemed out of sorts and I took his temp several times that day but it was always normal she never said not to worry he is like this at home too.

Its just bl***y frustrating as I have to try to find a solution to this without their support as I feel that there is no way dad will do anything to upset mum by appearing to offer me some support.

I hope it works out for you and that you can replace this child soon.

[christine e]

Oh noooooooo!!!!!
The lady who took the vacancy the other day has pulled out,her neighbour introduced her to her childminder who lives just a stones throw away.
I just can't believe it!
So,back to square one again,I'm starting to feel pretty down now:( ,just when it looks like everything's on the up,then whoopsidaisy!
They say everything happens for a reson,but right now I find that kinda hard to believe:-)
Keep your fingers crossed something good will happen.

As someone else has suggested advertise on the net mums website - it is very easy to do and I have had an enquiry following my post on there.
Cx

[tetti]

So sorry you're going through the same thing Celine:( ,it is just soooo frustrating!!!

He is driving me up the wall today,he just fell asleep,but I know he'll be up again SCREAMING in 10 mins(he never sleeps more than that,3 ten minute naps,3 times a day,it's insane!!!)
His screaming(not crying,as there are no tears!) is just really getting under my skin.
Even when you sit him down with toys he's not interested,he'll just scream!
When you feed him,he'll take a mouthful,the scream.Even when he's in the buggy,he'll scream.Literally,that's all he ever does!!!
I'm getting soo stressed out by this that even my periods have started to be late,seriously!
I just can't take this for much longer,it's doing my head in totally.
I just cannot understand how he can be soo miserable all the time when he's here,I've NEVER had this problem before,and despite my best efforts,he just will NOT settle.I reckon even Supernanny would give up!!!

[LeeAnn]

Hi there,

I just wanted to offer you hugs. I was in your exact position about 5 years ago. I was childminding and had a little girl drom 6 weeks old and she was great. When she reached 18 months I advertised and took on a baby as my DS had gone to school and I had more time. Well this LO screamed exactly as ou are describing. wouldnt sleep , wasnt happy being held or put down. occassionally stopped crying in the car. It affected my whole life and I only had him 8 weeks. I lost the other LO due to the screaming as her mum said she was unhappy with the earsplitting noise. That broke my heart as I had had that LO her whole life.
So I handed in my notice, I now wish I had told the truth as I think it would have helped the mum to hear it. But I gave up as I was sad and deflated. I am now re registering and will make sure I am very upfront with parents this time, I should never have given up last time and regretted it immediately but I could see no other way out.

I think you should maybe tell the parents, if mum was upset that he had been crying then maybe she would be open to helping him settle in. Maybe you could take a couple of weeks where you stagger her leaving for work. Maybe she could spend some time with you both at your house so he can see it is a fun place to be. Ask her if she has any tips for when he cries.

Maybe things will be slightly easier once he is your only LO to loo after, you can spend some real time getting to know him and what he does like?

If giving him up isn't an option then hopefully we can help you find a way to make life easier for you both.

x x x x

[tetti]

Thank's for the advice:-)
Yes,we did have a 2 week settling in period prior to him starting here,and he seemed happy enough when his mum was here.he started to leave him for longer periods of time and he seemed ok.
But once he was left here ft,that's when the madness started!
I have tried soo hard to get through to his parents,but all they do is laugh and say-Just give him some Kalpol,or-Lol,hahah,poor you!(yeah,wish I could laugh about it too!)
They are both in what you'd call high powered jobs,and they are unwilling to take any further tim off in helping their boy to settle(have asked).
I ended up lending them "The babywhisperer book" in desperation!lol
The real problem also is their refusal of settling him into a routine at home.
He doesn't even have a high chair,he sits and eats on their laps!The mum was 46 when she gave birth,the dad's in his mid 50's and it's their first(and only) child.It seems very much as they are molly cuddling him.
Mind you,I saw his dad losing it with him a while ago(the child's body went rigid as the dad tried to put him into the care seat,and the dad's behavious scared the child,he had a bisquit in his mouth and was almost choking!).I had my lil girl screaming at the man to stop and calm down!

I just know that when I do give them their notice,they'll flip!!!

So sorry to hear about your difficult situation LeeAnn:( ,I really don't think that many people(who aren't childminders) realise just how very hard and demanding our jobs can be at times.
I am also gonna be alot more wary of who I take on from now on,I just could not handle a repeat of this!!!

[LeeAnn]

I am such a baby whisperer fan! I was going to give you a load of suggestions based on the book but it isnt everyones cup of tea. have you read the book? have you taken the temperement quiz? If you do that would maybe help a lot! If you knew what you were dealing with you could maybe tailor some sort of routine for at your house. For instance if he is a touchy baby (which it sounds like he may be) then very little stimulation,a good wind down routine and a very dark room for naps etc would reallyhelp him. It sounds like a lot of work but if you are losing the other LO then it would be a good opportunity for you to have the time to spend with him
Also that must be so frustrating for you when the parents have no set routine! The LO (the non crying one ) that I used to mind for was an angel at my house, napped great, was happy as larry but it was a different story at home. So it may be possible for you to do things slightly differently at your house, if you know what I mean.

How old is he again?

x x x x

[tetti]

Yeah,tris the whole baby whisperer thing,but unfortunately nothing has worked,He has spent a fair amount of time with me on his won,but I am just resigning to the fact that he just ain't gonna settle.
He is one years old,but was 4.5 months premature,so pretty behind on his development compared to others his age.

I feel that after 2 months of trying to get him settle,I am not prepared to put much more effort in.Sounds horrible maybe,but keeping him on just isn't an option.It's greatly affecting my daughter,and also,as the whole situation(having to put up with his screaming 40 hrs per week) is really grinding me down and making me depressed,my daughter naturally senses my mood,and it's just not fair on her.

I now have 3 people interested in a vacancy,and I sincerely hope I can take on either 2 of them(they both want pt),or the third one who wants a ft space.
Ok,in childminding you cannot "breathe out and relax" until the contract is signed.But once a contract is signed,he's going.
Today just totally drained me.I'm normally the happiest person around,believe me,I'm never down,but lately I have really started to feel depressed,and ONLY on the days this little boy is here.It just can't go on anymore.
I just have to focus all my energy on finding a suitable replacement,so that life can go back to normal again.
The lil boy who's been taken out of my setting due to the lil boy's constant crying is the most wonderful child ever,and it's been such a joy having him around.But as for this child,I just cannot put my energy into trying to "turn him around" anymore.It just ain't gonna happen:( .
Had to tell his dad that he'd been crying ALL day,again,but they just don't seem to care,so,if they're not willing to help it def doesn't make my job any easier.

[LeeAnn]

That is great you don't have to keep him on (sorry that sounds awful:blush: ) I think you are doing the right thing! I hope he can find somewhere he is settled. :angry: to the parents though, I would be devestated if my little one was upset all day. some people :rolleyes:

x x x x

[Spangles]

I hope that you find a replacement for this little boy quickly.

I actually think it's disgusting that the parents aren't helping you with this because even if they're not worried about you (sorry!) they should be worried about their son's happiness and stress levels, surely? It just strikes me as pretty disgusting on their part.

I think you've done brilliantly, I would have completely cracked by now and be a shaking mess!

[tetti]

Yeah,it def is appaling that the parents are totally unwilling in helping their child in settling in,had they worked with me in trying to establish a routine for him at home,then I'm almost sure things may not have turned out this way.
I was feeling soooo low about this mess today that I was real close to just telling the parents-This just ain't working!,but,however much I'd love to do that,I just have to wait until I got 2 part timers or one fulltimer to fill the space(or else the bills wouldnt be covered,so not an option)
I think that's what's really getting me down,the fact that I HAVE to put up with this until then,but hopefully,it won't be for too long...:)
This eve me,the almost teetotal,had to have a glass of wine after my child had gone to bed,lol.I was given a bottle on my birthday from the other boy's mum,and thought-What the heck,I could do with it!:laughing:
Please keep your fingers crossed that it'll all work out soon:-)

[Trouble]

Yeah,it def is appaling that the parents are totally unwilling in helping their child in settling in,had they worked with me in trying to establish a routine for him at home,then I'm almost sure things may not have turned out this way.
I was feeling soooo low about this mess today that I was real close to just telling the parents-This just ain't working!,but,however much I'd love to do that,I just have to wait until I got 2 part timers or one fulltimer to fill the space(or else the bills wouldnt be covered,so not an option)
I think that's what's really getting me down,the fact that I HAVE to put up with this until then,but hopefully,it won't be for too long...:)
This eve me,the almost teetotal,had to have a glass of wine after my child had gone to bed,lol.I was given a bottle on my birthday from the other boy's mum,and thought-What the heck,I could do with it!:laughing:
Please keep your fingers crossed that it'll all work out soon:-)

i cannot tell you how much i wish i could help and i probably speak for a lot of ladies on here, i know how hard it is and i pray that you get someone else soo.

ring cis and tell them you have a full time space and they will put you up the list.

love have the bottle

fingers crossed for you.

[littletreasures]

I hope you get the contracts you want, so you can say goodbye to this family.

Good luck

littletreasures

[tetti]

Awww,thank you:) .
Yes,the CIS has my name on their website now(which is how those other parents found my details),and I am just soo relieved that I'm actually getting some calls in(as we all know that sometimes it can be quiet for months!)
I am definetly gonna be very pro-active in finding a placement,I have put the word out at my daughter's school,spoken to other childminders and also some nannies,and they have told me they will refer any people equiring about childcare to me.

And bless my lovely boyfriend!He doesn't live with me,but has sent me the loveliest emails,motivational ones you could say"You WILL find someone to take the space,things WILL get better" etc,basically hammering it into me that things will be ok eventually:-),just to pull me out of my lil blue mood.
He knows how down and stressed out I am about all this,so last weekend he took me out for a meal and a drink,and it was sooo nice just to forget about it all,even just for a day!:-)

I also had a crosstrainer in my house gathering dust for months,but it has been used every single day now just to get all the stress out of my system,def helps a lil bit!:-)

I just have to try and relax in the eves and try not to think too much about work the next day,it IS soo hard to switch off,but I guess I'll just have to if I want to keep that sanity of mine!
My lil girl picked up on my mood today,and I just had to snap out of it so that it won't affect her too much.Hopefully soon though,she'll have her happy mum back again!:-)
Thank you again everyone for your support,it really means the world to me:-)

[Trouble]

i do know how you feel but keep thinking its paying the bills over and over,

have you put poster up everywhere, if not get them up

hang in their

big hugs to your baby

[tetti]

Thank you rascal,and also for your pm,I think I may take you up on that,thank you:-)

Just had another little set back(omg,this is never ending,isn't it?:-).
The lady who was due to come round on Friday has also gone with her neighbours childminder(can almost see a patter developing here!)
It is crazy,isn't it? I suddenly get all these enquiries,but they all come to nothing.
Will really have to try and find a way to make looking after this child more bearable in the meantime.Don't know how,as I've tried EVERYTHING,but,I just have no option but to keep him on until I do find someone else.Myeb I need to try out that cosmic ordering thing to see if it brings me any luck,or play the lottery this eve!!!!(imagine that,winning the jackpot!If there's ever been a right time,this is it!!!!!lol)

[ChocolateChip]

Hi Tetti, I know how you feel about the enquiries, I'm the same- get 2 or 3 altogether, then nothing happens!
Don't think I'm much help about your situation with the screamer but have just seen something called mohdoh- apparently it's like playdough but it has essential oils in it to help with calming a child, maybe you could try making something like that for him.
Or I wondered about playing the 'if you can't beat'em, join'em' game, try putting on music or a dance/ exercise video or something and just jump and scream round the house with him! Not sure your neighbours will appreciate it but it might shock him into submission or tire him out a little bit.
Probably totally the wrong advice, but you never know!
Good luck!!!:thumbsup:

[karenjoy]

poor you I would def give notice if its effecting you and the other children xx

I have a parent coming tomorrow with her 10 months old baby for a possible 2 days a week, I am glad I have read this thread, parent seems quite uptoght from our conversation all ready. I will use my instincts even though it will be £50 a week.

xxx

[tetti]

Lol,might try the"If you can't beat em,join em"game,hahaha.
If it doesn't make him laugh seeing me singing and dancing around the place,then nothing will!!!
Trying to think of every coping technique in the world,even considering putting some lavender in an oil burner to see if it will calm him down!
Why can't he just be happy,even only for a min or two(at least that would give me a glimmer of hope!)
You should see when I need to go to the loo,he'll scream his head off,and if I'm just going into the kitchen(it's an open plan area,so he can still see me),well,then he scream even louder!!!!
What to do????

Sorry to be ranting,but it's just soo hard to be stuck in having to look after him until I've found a replacement.
As any childminder knows,that can take anything between 1 week to 6 months,plus(you never know if you're gonna get any enquiries,and if you do,nothing may still come of it)

I'm praying those numbers will come up tonight so that I can stick a "Just Retired" sign on my door tomorrow morning!!!!!:laughing:

[Spangles]

Have you tried putting the tv on for him? Something relaxing? I know it's not ideal but desperate times hey!

What about slow, classical music or lullabies? Have you tried that?

Massage?

Sorry, they're a bit rubbish ideas aren't they!

[tetti]

Oh no,those ideas aren't rubbish at all:-),think he's the only kid in the world who doesn't even pay any attention to the tv,not even interested in"The Nightgarden"!!!:rolleyes:
Have tried cd's with classical music,lullabies,kids songs,you name it,I've tried it.All the things that other kids his age really enjoys,he just takes no interest in,seems all he ever does is scream.He'a one hard lil nut to crack!!!!

[manjay]

I really really feel for you Tetti. What a nightmare situation and doubly worse knowing you really have no choice other than to put up with it until something else comes along.

I had to terminate a child last week for unacceptable behaviour (I still have the bruises and bite marks as evidence:( ) and I feel so lucky that I was able to do it immediately.

Hope something else comes along for you really quickly

Big hugs to you xx

[kellsbells]

I am a single parent, and know only too well, that there are times when you just have to bite the bullet when it comes to working and doing what's best (as you have to earn) I was registered in Dec had 5 months of waiting for parents, lots of calls and 2 visits and nothing! But then I moved in may to a completely different area and within 4 weeks had 4 children, I now have 6 children on my list (this is since may!) and was rather fussy as I had already planned not to have under 5's as I wanted to further educate myself, and being free in the day allowed me to do that.

Be patient, everything will work out, have you tried taking him out to baby groups daily, perhaps that might keep him occupied? go for a daily walk in the afternoon with him in the pram or perhaps you have someone who is crb checked that could entertain him while you sit and have a cup of coffee now and again without having to worry about him for 10 minutes, just to get you through till you get some more mindees?

Just some ideas!

Good luck!

x