Urgent advice needed please

[Shamai]

Not sure what I should be doing but to cut a long story short, mindees mum and dad are currently going through a divorce and at the moment are not communicating. My contract is with Mum only who has told me not to disclose information re hours I care for children or my fees. Dad is not happy with me but I have explained it is a breach of confidentiality and I am still keeping him updated on his children's progress and sending photos etc. I found out yesterday he has mentioned me in solicitors papers saying I am being unhelpful and unco-operative. I do not know to what extent I have been mentioned - whether its by name personally or whether I'm being referred to as "the childminder". I received a text from Mum this morning saying that I am not to release children to him under any circumstances and she collected them at lunchtime. I have currently got Dad banging on my door but am worried about answering the door as I currently have a 1yo sleeping and need to protect him. Mum has told him that the children are no longer with me. I'm shaking like a leaf, can anyone advise on my next steps please x

[mrs robbie williams]

oh my godness !!! my advice would be dont answer the door, contact the mum and tell her the situation and that she needs to speak to him and if it happens again you will call the police, explain that you have to safeguard your other mindees

[Shamai]

Yes I've told Mum that him banging on my door is unacceptable and that if it happens one more time I will be calling the police. She has text him but I've now got Dad's girlfriend banging on the door.

[karens knippers]

Bless you. My advise would be not to open the door if you feel threatened. Do you have his phone number so you could phone him whilst he is outside to explain his children are not there and you are not opening the door as you have another child in your care. If dad does not give up I would telephone the police if noone there with you. This sounds like it could be a messy divorce and you are stuck in the middle.As your contract is with mum, I would ask her to get her solicitor to inform dad not to come to your house and you will continue to keep him updated on childrens progress through the post. Hope this helps a little. Let us know how you get on xx

[helena_j]

I would again call mum and tell her that and if it continues call the police to protect yourself and children in your care plus the fact that this will not be pleasant for parents that could potentially end up collecting their children when this is happening etc.
Not on at all, good luck.

[melco]

Yes I've told Mum that him banging on my door is unacceptable and that if it happens one more time I will be calling the police. She has text him but I've now got Dad's girlfriend banging on the door.

I would be calling the police now. You have not got his children there but you have over children to consider and him and his girlfriend banging on the door is very threatening behaviour. I would not answer the door but would be straight on the phone to the police

[dette]

if im wrong then someone please correct me but ,i believe that if the children are in your care and dad arrives to collect them you have to let them go with him as he has legal rights over the children and can phone the police to make you hand over the children,you need to have in writing ,documents that state father canot collect,and these must be legal paperwork not just something from mam,Please explain this to mam ASAP or you may find yourself in a horrible position should he come knocking.If the children are at risk while with him then she will need solicitors advice today to get this paperwork.
As for the situation you are in today then if they refuse to leave and continue to knock then phone the police.The children are not with you so you dont need to answer the door,you are obviously distressed by this situation and are afraid to answer the door,this is good enough reason to get police help

[mrs robbie williams]

if im wrong then someone please correct me but ,i believe that if the children are in your care and dad arrives to collect them you have to let them go with him as he has legal rights over the children and can phone the police to make you hand over the children,you need to have in writing ,documents that state father canot collect,and these must be legal paperwork not just something from mam,Please explain this to mam ASAP or you may find yourself in a horrible position should he come knocking.If the children are at risk while with him then she will need solicitors advice today to get this paperwork.
As for the situation you are in today then if they refuse to leave and continue to knock then phone the police.The children are not with you so you dont need to answer the door,you are obviously distressed by this situation and are afraid to answer the door,this is good enough reason to get police help

had a think and yes i think dette is right if dad has pr i dont think you can refuse - hopefully sarah will be along soon she will know
in the meantime dont answer the door xx

[Shamai]

if im wrong then someone please correct me but ,i believe that if the children are in your care and dad arrives to collect them you have to let them go with him as he has legal rights over the children and can phone the police to make you hand over the children,you need to have in writing ,documents that state father canot collect,and these must be legal paperwork not just something from mam,Please explain this to mam ASAP or you may find yourself in a horrible position should he come knocking.If the children are at risk while with him then she will need solicitors advice today to get this paperwork.
As for the situation you are in today then if they refuse to leave and continue to knock then phone the police.The children are not with you so you dont need to answer the door,you are obviously distressed by this situation and are afraid to answer the door,this is good enough reason to get police help

Thanks Dette, her solicitor is preparing an order to prevent him from taking the children whilst in my care but it won't be ready until Monday. I've got to leave for school run in half hour and have asked another Mum if she can come to mine so we can walk together, just in case Dad is waiting down the road.

[mrs robbie williams]

Thanks Dette, her solicitor is preparing an order to prevent him from taking the children whilst in my care but it won't be ready until Monday. I've got to leave for school run in half hour and have asked another Mum if she can come to mine so we can walk together, just in case Dad is waiting down the road.

good luck - have you thought what you will do if he is down the road and tries to take lo? what a nightmare :(

[buttonmoon11]

I've been through this and it's not nice. If dad has parental responsibility he can collect los regardless of what mum says. The best thing you can do is ask them to fully respect your position in this and not take sides. I had mum in tears dad was angry and I felt like I was in the middle. I wrote them both a letter explaining I was the cm and not a go between and to leave their dispute at the top of my drive. My care and attention was to mindee. Unless there is a court order or dad does not have parental responsibility, he has the same rights as mum and you need to stick to this, you can't stop dad from collecting unless you feel mindee is at high risk, not just dad being stropy.

Mum needs to have this info explained and dad needs to calm down whilst at your home.

I hope it resolves quickly for you but the sooner the main issue that involved you the better xx

[Carla Watts]

Everyone has great advice. Poor you, must be awful, poor kiddies too. x

[dette]

bless you xxx i hope he's not there but if he is then it will be clear to see that his children are not with you ,just stay calm and say hello and keep walking ,you,ve done nothing wrong and this isnt your argument ,try and keep neutral,at some point when the dust has settled you may have to face him collecting the children from you again and the less you get personally involved the better it will be for yourself xxxx

[Shamai]

good luck - have you thought what you will do if he is down the road and tries to take lo? what a nightmare :(

I haven't got mindee - Mum collected at lunchtime thankfully and Dad has been told this but obviously doesn't believe Mum and thinks lo is still with me.

[lilac_dragon]

I tota lly agree with Dette, I've had this situation and even though only Mum had signed the contract the child's Dad had legal rights as he had Parental Responsibility too, ie his name was on the child's birth certificate - HOWEVER- threatening behaviour is highly unlikely to make you open the door to him, and I would call the Police and tell themwhat's happening and that you're terrified.
He has to be made to understand that this will not work, or he will do it again.

When all is calm again, talk to your DO to make sure you know what is the correct procedure, if your DO is as useless as mine then ring NCMA if you're with them.

[funemnx]

So sorry you are going through this - It might be worth calling the police (non-emergency number) to ask them to speak to the Dad re threatening behaviour. He might be more inclined to be reasonable if he knows they are aware...

[tori4]

if im wrong then someone please correct me but ,i believe that if the children are in your care and dad arrives to collect them you have to let them go with him as he has legal rights over the children and can phone the police to make you hand over the children,you need to have in writing ,documents that state father canot collect,and these must be legal paperwork not just something from mam,Please explain this to mam ASAP or you may find yourself in a horrible position should he come knocking.If the children are at risk while with him then she will need solicitors advice today to get this paperwork.
As for the situation you are in today then if they refuse to leave and continue to knock then phone the police.The children are not with you so you dont need to answer the door,you are obviously distressed by this situation and are afraid to answer the door,this is good enough reason to get police help

This is correct- however todays behaviour is not acceptable . Hope u have a quieter afternoon

[zippy]

You have no legal right to stop him collecting unfortunately unless theres a court order saying he cant have access. He'd actually also be within his rights to call the police on you for withholding his children from him. Don't condone his behaviour at all though.

[bunyip]

You have no legal right to stop him collecting unfortunately unless theres a court order saying he cant have access. He'd actually also be within his rights to call the police on you for withholding his children from him. Don't condone his behaviour at all though.

I agree. Basically 2 issues:-

The dad has rights, no matter how mum, you or anyone else feels about it. You must not take sides and you must respect those rights.
The dad's behaviour is unacceptable, although he may ave acted out of panic and distress. It is still unfair on you.


I would strongly advise that you log the incident and report it to the police and your insurers/legal team, and ask their advice.

Also beware of solicitors in this sort of dispute. They are being paid to take sides - you cannot do so. The solicitor may well try cleverly to make you think that they can instruct you not to allow access, and this might put you on the wrong side of the law. It's up to you to check with your own legal team at your insurer/professional body. I think they'll say it requires a court order/injunction - but check.

[BuggsieMoo]

I agree. Basically 2 issues:-

The dad has rights, no matter how mum, you or anyone else feels about it. You must not take sides and you must respect those rights.
The dad's behaviour is unacceptable, although he may ave acted out of panic and distress. It is still unfair on you.


I would strongly advise that you log the incident and report it to the police and your insurers/legal team, and ask their advice.

Also beware of solicitors in this sort of dispute. They are being paid to take sides - you cannot do so. The solicitor may well try cleverly to make you think that they can instruct you not to allow access, and this might put you on the wrong side of the law. It's up to you to check with your own legal team at your insurer/professional body. I think they'll say it requires a court order/injunction - but check.

You are quite ride. Dad can only NOT collect his children is there is a defined court order that states this. Until there is one (such as a defined court order for contact stating exactly what contact Dad is to have) then Dad has every right to collect his children. If you fail to allow his children to leave with him when there is no order in place (this cannot be drawn up by a solicitor as no paperwork they produce is legally binding until a judge his seen it, signed it and stamped it) then you can be charged with kidnap.

[blue bear]

What happened in the end, I hope it was sorted amicably. Mum and Dad need to talk for the sake of the children.

Whatever you do try not to take sides, if dad has pr he has every right to collect the children and you cannot stop him , you could try distraction until mum gets there but you can't refuse him unless there is a cout order in place preventing him and in that case you would ring the police.

Good luck, stay strong and professional.

[Shamai]

What happened in the end, I hope it was sorted amicably. Mum and Dad need to talk for the sake of the children.

Whatever you do try not to take sides, if dad has pr he has every right to collect the children and you cannot stop him , you could try distraction until mum gets there but you can't refuse him unless there is a cout order in place preventing him and in that case you would ring the police.

Good luck, stay strong and professional.

Mum and Dad are not speaking, only through solicitors so I'm caught in the firing line. I would never refuse Dad taking his own children and up until today I have welcomed him into my home, took him to toddler group with us and included him in all progress reports and photos. I know he is angry and frustrated but I cannot allow him to intimidate me at my home whilst I am caring for other children and will be sending both parents a letter outlining my position.

Thank you for everyone's advice and support, it has been a great help to me today x

[karens knippers]

Pleased you getting there.Pleased you are sending both parents a letter. I hope it gets easier. I know it hard but they have to remember the effect this is having on the child.The child may only feel things are stable whilst in your care. Hope it all turns out well. Well done on today.x