New 11 month old, own child being a nightmare

[Beebee2111]

I have been a childminder for 18 months and have looked after 2 children as well as my own. Both the children I have looked after have been the same age as my son, who is just 2. They have their usual falling outs but no real problems. I am currently settling in a new child and have had 2 sessions with either his mother or father present and my son has been just awful. He has been throwing tantrums, been very unwilling to let the new 11 month old play with any toys, has gone to hit him and has run over his fingers with toy cars and thrown things at him. Obviously I have removed him from the situation and told him off when he has done these things and when he has done something nice I have heaped praise on him but I am now nervous about what he is going to be like with this new little one, as are his parents. Any tips or advice would be gratefully appreciated!

[Maza]

I could have written this post! I had also looked after two children who were roughly the same age as DD and all went well. Then I took on a 10 month old and boy, was it an emotional struggle. I suspect your child is also playing up because the other parent is present and it is an unnatural situation. You will both be more relaxed when they are not there. These are 'settling in' sessions for all of you, not just your mindee - your son is also settling into a new routine with a new person present. I used to get DD to help prepare treasure baskets each morning for the little one and I would prepare a nice activity for her. When the other parent is not there, you will be able to let the other child 'play' by himself more once you have set him up with reources (obviously supervised) and then you can do something with your son. You will be able to spread your attention more fairly. It is hard though because you want your own child to respect boundaries but you don't want them to be reprimanding him all the time, because childminding is supposed to enhance family life, not make family miserable! For me it has got a bit easier but it is draining and I really miss the old days when DD could play with the mindees her age, but they are all in nursery now and so I had no choice but to take on a baby. I have considered handing in my notice but am sticking it out a little longer. Be true to yourself and if it isn't working maybe hold out for an older mindee. Let me know if you find any strategies that work! x

[sarah707]

This is soooo common your poor little one is feeling pushed out and emotional and his emotions spill over into everything :(

Try involving him in everything you do with the little one and give him some responsibility - he is suddenly not the baby any more and needs to feel like the big man helping mummy.

You'll not find an instant solution so just stay consistent and give him lots of praise for appropriate behaviour.

hugs xx

[Beebee2111]

Thank you so much for replying, I felt really nervous last night. I think you are right in saying that My son is feeling that he is not the baby any more. We had another session this morning and this one was without either parent being there and as you predicted it was completely different and he behaved really beautifully with the little boy. He shared and when we were doing sensory play he tickled him really gently with a feather and wafted chiffon scarves over his head. The most miraculous turnaround! He even offered him his comforter. I am not counting my chickens but I am much happier knowing that he is feeling happier.