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View Full Version : Advice needed for challenging pre-school please!



fluff1975
07-12-2012, 09:22 PM
Hi. I have a mindee who was 3 in August, so hes 40 months. He is a gorgeous boy, who takes a while to 'warm up'. By a while I mean AGES. He's my friends son and I've known him very well since he was 1, however he still won't speak to me for 10-15 mins or so after I pick him up from pre-school. He's very reluctant to 'do' anything at all. Won't join in with other children, doesn't play with the things I've put out. If I ask him what he'd like to play with he doesn't know. I've taken him to the toys/games etc for him to choose something but he just can't or won't choose. He either stands in the room near me or sits on the sofa. If he does find something to do that he likes, he really gets stuck in. He's great with numbers and turn taking, (although he'll only play a game with me, not others) and he loves Lego.
I've spoken to mum who knows what he's like and for a while now, and particularly with the new EYFS, we've been working on his personal social and emotional development.
Self help skills and 'joining in' are really big issues for him, so I've incorporated lots of choice-making, simple personal hygiene goals and generally trying to help him find his independence.
He's been at pre-school 5 mornings since September, and I have him for 2 afternoons. He's taken ages to settle (but not in an upset crying way) and the staff have frequently spoken to mum about how he doesn't join in. He can't tell me who any of the other children are, and spends the majority of his time at the drawing or playdough table. When I went to pick him up last week I was early and it was still playtime. I could have wept for him, because he was just walking around the periphery of the play area watching the other children and looking really out of place. Every other child was roaring around like a 3 year old in one way or another.
(This is getting somewhere, thanks for bearing with me!)
Pre-school are great at sharing info and as he's with them for the majority of the time, I've backed off and let them take the lead. So I was surprised and frankly a bit horrified to read that his next steps are;
"Literacy - writing 30-50mts. Ascribe meanings to marks made, that they have seen in different places.
Mathematics - numbers 30-50mts. Compares two groups of objects saying when they have the same number."

Is it me? What happened to prime areas of development? Particlarly when they really need focusing on! The next steps for him are relevent but not when there is a glaring PSE need. I want to say something to pre-school but not quite sure how to go about it in a nice way that makes me sound like I know what I'm on about, without being stroppy. I'm hoping that it's just new EYFS teething on their part.

Any ideas would be great! Thanks for sticking to the end!

mum24
07-12-2012, 09:30 PM
This is a really difficult one, could you chat with his key worker, and ask where they think he is in other areas of the eyfs, and ask how they think you can support them in working with him. Maybe that way round will get them thinking and talking with you about the broader issues. Also, what are they sharing with parents about his behaviour? My son was always a 'watcher' and would not join in until he felt comfortable with what was happening around him. His nursery teacher was lovely and made great efforts to be alongside him when encouraging him to join in games etc. until he felt confident in his surroundings.

blue bear
07-12-2012, 10:45 PM
Have you asked them what next steps they are putting in place for the other areas of learning, do you share what next steps you are putting in place.
The pre school and I copy observations and next steps for each other so we are both working next steps readdress of where they are identified.

mushpea
08-12-2012, 12:25 PM
could you maybe do an observation with next steps on for pse etc and show them saying this is what I felt his next steps are in these areas, what do you think ? or just chat with his key worker regarding the pse, if its somthing they are constantly helping him with anyway they may thought next steps shoudl be somthing different,

sarah707
08-12-2012, 03:40 PM
It's situations like this that make me so sad - and a bit cross tbh.

The pre-school clearly don't have any understanding about the Eyfs - they are using Development Matters as a tick list and trying to push the child towards things he is simply not ready to do so they can move him onto the next stage without consolidating his basic skills first :(

You are doing everything right - you can either share your next steps and ask for feedback or leave them to it and let them carry on their merry way.

Hugs to the little man xx

kellyskidz!
10-12-2012, 10:32 AM
I would talk to mum and ask her if she feels these goals are what he should be working towards, or if she agrees with you. If she does agree with you, you will have Mums' opinion backing you up when/if you have a chat with his Pre-school Key Worker. Give examples of why you feel strongly that he needs help with social skills etc, then they can see you're not just being awkward lol!
Good luck!!xx