How do you approach parents about bad behaviour?

[tiredandemotional]

Hi
I mind an 8 year old boy and his 10 year old brother. While the 10 year old is calm, helpful, polite and, to be honest, a dream, I find the eight year old quite tricky at times. If someone does him an injustice he tends to 'lose it', becoming very verbally aggressive and then go into a tremendous sulk for hours. If I try and intervene he will turn on me, not physically, but his attitude and tone is very upsetting, especially in my own home! I don't have a lot of experience with this age; my own children are six and three, but I feel I am doing everything right in dealing with him. Whilst it doesn't happen often, when it does I am left feeling very shaken. Up to now I haven't talked to the parents about it; partly because I don't want them to feel I am not coping with him (which most days I do fine) but also because there is never an opportunity to do so; they often pick up late and hustle the boys out quickly as they have other siblings waiting. I have a good relationship with the parents. I told him today that I would be talking to them as he put himself in danger this time - storming off across a road. However, I know talking about it in front of him isn't very professional, I won't have an opportunity outside of this; they work long hours, have three other children and I never see them at school and feel I am only left with the option of emailing really. How would anyone else approach this and what would you do? I really don't want to lose them as the older child is wonderful and I am sure it is just a phase with the younger. I only have them two days a week after school.

[cockatoos]

Hi there. I would see if I could have a mini chat with them on pick up and then arrange a time to discuss it properly, perhaps on the phone later?

With older children (I have an 11 year old and have looked after similar aged children) I have considered writing a contract between me and them (someone on here metioned this) and then when they go outside the boundaries, you just mention the contract. Haven't tried it yet as I'm not looking after older children at the moment.

Sorry not much help I know!
Amy

[FussyElmo]

He is 8 and his actions could have led to a very serious incident. If you don't want to talk about it in front of the child then tell the mum you will be ringing at a certain time.

I wouldn't be mentioning the other incidents as they have been dealt with by you.

Remember if the care of an other 8 impacts on the care of the younger children you can give immediate notice.

you might fine when you talk to mum that she knows about the personality changes and you can deal with it together.

[winstonian]

I;ve been known to watch for a parent arriving and grab a couple of minutes in the hallway for a quick chat before the children know they have arrived. If not I would call them on an evening.

[tiredandemotional]

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies. I did exactly what you suggested and just told mum that I would call that evening. I actually spoke to the dad and he was very helpful and reassuring and said he would talk to the boy. he also told me I was a brilliant Cm and that the kids love coming to me, which is always nice to hear :blush:
Thanks again

[mushpea]

what lovley comments from the Dad and great they are so supporting, I hope you now feel better

I have a 8yrold and 5yrold who can be a handful to say the least lol and I do talk about their behaviour in front of them, I have already told them off and 'punished'them which mum knows but I tell mum in front of them as they need to know that i am not hiding things from mum and sometimes it helps that they know I tell mum as you can see they somtimes think twice, I have a reward thing going at the moment where if they are good for their last half hour they can play on the wii and on a Friday they get to choose a special activity, this friday its making carrot cake.
however somethings I dont talk to mum infront of them with, like the 8yrold not being able to wipe his own bottom, for that I got my OH to watch them in the lounge whilst I spoke to mum inthe kitchen although my efforts were wasted as she stompted straight in the living room and spoke to him about it sternly and infront of his sister and my OH:rolleyes:
I would also sit the 10yrold down when he's calm and talk to him about his behaviour, maybe ask him what makes him feel so angry and how you can help him to calm down,,, my own son who has temper issues knows he just needs to be left alone to calm down and tells people this so the 10yrold may be able to tell you how he calms himself down. I also have a feelings chart and somtimes the 8yrold will come in from school and ask for it then show me that hes feeling frustarted or grumpy then we talk about what made him feel like this, normaly its a bad day at school but it helps me to understand hes not had a good day and that he maybe touchy so then I find things that calm him down like activities he can do on his own.
sorry hope im not waffling lol, i think its a case of taking some time to get to know him and his ways and a learning curve to get to know best how to deal with the behaviour. I am still learning after years of doing the job