Parent concerned over another childs behaviour

[hectors house]

I think I know what I need to do, but want to handle it sensitively and not blow it out of proportion.

I had today at collection time a mother of a newly started 10 month old ask whether another child (age 2 1/2) was always so boisterous, I reasured her that no this child during the day was not as lively as when this mother is dropping off/collection her baby.

The behaviour of this child does seem to have got considerable worse especially when other adults (mindee parents) are here, on Tuesday when a parent was collecting her 20 month old son and had brought her school age daughter with her (who I minded from a baby - so I enjoy seeing), child X, grabbed the 20 month old round the neck from behind and tried to pick him up in a strangle hold - I immediately took her out to sit on the stairs and gave her a talking to about why her behaviour was not nice and she sat there crying for 3 minutes while I went back in to apologise to 20 month old and his mum. I then asked this mum if she could possibly stay and chat on a Wednesday when child X isn't here as I have been aware that I can't relax and chat without constantly asking child X not to do this, that and the other.

This new mum today also brought up an incident which happened last week when child X deliberately crashed into new baby with a toy buggy and she also mentioned my behaviour policy - about how behaviour impacts on other children.

I did stress that I felt this child was attention seeking because parents were taking my attention away from her and that it can be hard when a new child starts in a setting especially a baby. I did say I was glad that she had brought her concerns to my attention (and I am glad) but not sure if I treat it as a concern or a full complaint.

I have now tried to look at it from this child X point of view - she often comes first and leaves last - during that time I may talk to her mum for 5 or 10 mins, then next childs parents ditto and then the new mum/baby comes last and ditto time for a chat/verbal hand over - that is 30 mins of my time spent not paying full attention to the children and obviously the same happens at collection time - so 1 hour a day.

Secondly - a child in a childminding setting doesn't have 9 months to get used to the arrival of a new baby - they come for a few settling in sessions and then bang this new baby is here 3 times a week, on same days as Child X

Third - child x was very close to another child who went to school in Sept - I didn't really do much "getting ready for school" with him as he had a sister at school and knew what it was all about - but this must be difficult for child X to understand - that her playmate has suddenly disappeared.

Fourth - child X is 2 1/2 !

Think I am going to treat it as an official complaint and take steps to prevent this distruptive behaviour by asking that all parents keep drop off / collections to just a couple of mins, also going to have child X to sit up and do playdough or something she can do reasonable unsupervised while other children are arriving.

But part of me also feels that child X needs to accept that adults do need to be able to talk without her acting up - any advice please - as this is going to eat away at me all weekend otherwise! Already imagining new parent searching on childcare.co.uk as I type!

[christine e]

First of all please don't worry about this children do a lot of attention seeking and it sounds to me that you have thought it through and have a plan of action. Yes you should be able to talk to adults without this sort of behaviour but children can be very demanding especially at collection time just try and make the departures swift and try and keep the child close by you during that time. As far as treating it as a complaint I have it written in my complaints policy that if a parent is making a complaint then they must make it clear that it is a complaint and I don't think this is but if you feel better logging it then do so.

I'm sure things will settle down

enjoy you weekend

Cx

[singingcactus]

I can't really help much, cos when i have a child act up while another parent is here, i always tell the parent that it is themselves who are a bad influence on my babies cos they all play lovely together when it is just me and them. I just feel that a direct approach highlights the cause of the behaviours. It works for me, but my parents very quickly learn to expect borderline abuse from me lol.

These kids act up when there is a reaction available, and the visiting parent offers that reaction, therefore the parent is the trouble causer, not the child :) I have 2 just like it...same age as yours if that helps.

[sarah707]

Do you have anyone in the house while you are dealing with parents or can you think of ways of of keeping the little one busy?
,
It can be very hard for some children during transitions and they need extra support. You need to explain this to parents and ask for their support keeping transition times short.

Hth :D

[blue bear]

When this happened with one of my mindees, I always took her to the door with me, it was her job to get the leaving child's coat and bag, I involved her in the hand over, she would give the mum baby's pictures and daily diary I would encourage her to tell mum what baby had been doing.
This meant the two year old was involved and had positive attention but it also gave the collecting mum the message that she needed to leave and not hang around chatting without me having to spell it out.

[hectors house]

When this happened with one of my mindees, I always took her to the door with me, it was her job to get the leaving child's coat and bag, I involved her in the hand over, she would give the mum baby's pictures and daily diary I would encourage her to tell mum what baby had been doing.
This meant the two year old was involved and had positive attention but it also gave the collecting mum the message that she needed to leave and not hang around chatting without me having to spell it out.

Unfortunately child X has given herself responsibilities of being in charge of everyone and everyones belongings while parents are here - last week she tried picking up the 20 month old in an attempt to stop him picking up his sisters water bottle and barricades the door to stop older children leaving to go to the toilet - she will also take this childs bag away from his sister and hand it to the mother, she doesn't understand that older sister does have the right to pick it up. Its almost as if she is saying - you are talking, so I will have to man the fort!

Due to other children moving onto school, children moving days and times and the new baby starting, our slots for arrivals which used to be between 8 - 8.30, have been extended to 8 - 9.15 and leaving times used to be 4 - 5.10 are now between 3.15 - 5.10 - I am just going to say to all parents can we limit handover chats to 5 mins and can they be aware that if behaviour kicks off they may have to leave sooner. Also going to have colouring set or playdough already set up at the dining room table and will try to steer children that way.

I am not a child pyscologist (as you can tell - I can't even spell it), but I can see reasons why this child's behaviour is getting worse - yes she is attention seeking, but maybe I should be giving the mindees more attention and not the parents.

[blue bear]

I know she is two and half but can you pick her up during pick ups, that way she can't interfere with bags/chikdren but she is up there involved and parent will also realise she needs your attention.

[Boris]

What's her understanding like? Does she understand this behaviour is not acceptable? I have a LO the same age who acts up when her mum comes (ok with other parents thank goodness) and I sat her down and told her that when mummy comes I will not have any silly behaviour, she will get her shoes and coat and go home with mummy with no messing about! She does still push her luck but is loads better. Could you explain that you will need to talk to the other mummies and that she has to be a good girl and do x, y, z. Maybe set her up with a quiet activity? It is very hard being pulled in different directions.