View Full Version : New mindee scared of my son - help!

29-11-2012, 10:12 AM
I have been registered here for a long while but have just taken on a new little girl who is scared stiff of my son and I don't know what to do!

Bob is 16 months and an active, sociable and happy little boy. New mindee has just turned 1 and its her 3rd day here and she seems to be getting more scared each day. Her mum works at our school so she's only here from 9-3ish, just the 2 of them.

At first I thought she was upset cos she was in a new setting etc, but when Bobs in bed she happily wanders around exploring and playing, but she literally bursts into tears if he goes anywhere near her. When I was washing up after lunch yesterday she was screaming at the gate and trying to push him away from her! She does the same if I'm holding them both, and she wants to be held ALL the time when he is in the room.

I've tried playing and reading (distracting) them both, and it works for a while, but today she seems worse. I don't want her to be unhappy here, and Bobby really wants to play with her too- how do I deal with this?

29-11-2012, 12:59 PM
Children can go through stages of being very wary of others. My 11m old mindee who started in September hates my dh.
Whenever he comes down for coffee she literally shakes and screams. He does his best to make her smile and only recently he came down the other day and she was ok.
She can sometimes whimper if one of the older boys is a bit too loud, but is getting better.

I would stick with it and have patience. It's probably a phase. Maybe keep them separate for a while, maybe put the little one in the high chair next to you while you prepare dinner, letting your child play and then maybe the other way round the next day for a couple of days so she's not screaming at the gate.

If she's an only child she's maybe not used to having others around, or maybe not used to someone who's boisterous maybe.

I would just keep at it and she will probably be ok within a few more days.

29-11-2012, 01:40 PM
Thanks for the advice!
She is used to other children as she was in nursery before, and also used to boisterous children. I wouldn't call bobby boisterous though, just got ants in his pants and can't keep still! At the moment he is playing and she is just sitting on my lap. Everytime bob walks past she bursts into full on crying. He then wants a hug too so sits in my other knee and it makes her even more cross.
It's just horrible seeing her so upset.

29-11-2012, 01:45 PM
I agree with above :laughing: It is hard but she will learn that your son is nothing to be scared of. I bet they end up best buddies within a few weeks. I have had a little boy who screamed when he saw my husband (mind you he makes me scream sometimes :p) and eventually he just started smiling, then chatting and eventually he was allowed to stay in the same room and play!

29-11-2012, 04:52 PM
It might be that something happened previously with a child who your son reminds her of? One of my lo's had his hair pulled quite hard when he was younger by a girl at a toddler group and he would cry and run away from all girls after that- boys and older girls were fine but he would not be near a female toddler for anything! He is fine now, but it did take him a while to get over it.