View Full Version : Childminding: impact on the family

02-11-2012, 11:58 AM
I've not been around on here much recently, as I'm having a bit of a childminding wobble! I know they're probably very common but this one won't go away.
To cut a long story short, Hubby is struggling with having the mindees in the house. I should add here that he loves them to bits as children and is always fabulous with them. He is around in the morning and evening and off on a Wednesday when I have a 2 & 3 and a 6 yr old after school. Plus our two (5&7). So its not like he's never here. He ends up going out on his day off just to get out of the way which I feel bad about. I do go out on a Weds morning but they still both have 2 hours sleep in the afternoon.
Its just all getting to be a bit frustrating. He is incredibly supportive of my business and tries to get on with it as best he can and I try to make the mornings and evenings as settled as possible. We're both 'trying' so hard that its getting in the way of our relationship and thats just not okay. A good friend of mine is a childminder and I've often wondered why it seems to work so well for her, then she pointed out that her hubby works away mon-fri! She asked him what he thought, and said that if he were at home in the week he'd hate it!!
I've decided to look for another job and since making that decision feel much happier. I feel really sad though that at some point in the not too distant future, I'll have to say goodbye to my lovely mindees :(

02-11-2012, 12:40 PM
Sorry you're having a tough time. Have thought about reducing your hours? Maybe working part-time (have the Wednesday off too!) may help. What about if mindees arrived after your DH leaves for work and went home before he got home? Explore all the options before you de-register as it's a big hassle if you decide you want to go back to it. xx

02-11-2012, 01:07 PM
That is so sad. My husband is a teacher and used to be here every morning and most afternoons, however we moved and now live further away from his school so he leaves earlier and gets home later, he also had choir after school as well and not at lunch time as they used to. Of course he is also here for most of the holidays, though I take most of my days off in the holidays.

I could not have worked without his support and my children's over the years. Dh at ofsteds suggestion during an inspection years ago is registered as my assistant. It is very useful because when he is with me I don't increase numbers but it does mean we can go a bit further afield on a visit including going into London to do things.

Would it be worth doing this with your dh? Maybe he would feel more part of it and then he could help on a Wednesday sometimes and maybe you could go out for the day so the two of you and your children can spend time together and do some fun things. There is nothing wrong in this you don't have to be doing prescribed activities and stuff with the mindees all the time. I started cm so I would be able to be with my children and we went out and did things that they wanted to do and the mindees benefited from the trips as much as my two did from the trips we did fro them if you see what I mean. Maybe he would not feel it was such an intrusion into your home either.

Is it worth looking at how the things you use impact on your home? Are you always surrounded by cm stuff? I think sometimes we don't notice the way others do. Maybe walk around with dh and be critical and see if some changes would help. For example could you put signs, notices, certs on cork board or in the plastic holder that will hang over a door and then take down when you finish work and tuck behind the sofa or behind a door for example and if not in the week at least at the weekend so you regain your home? How are your resources stored? would it be an idea to invest in a shed that boxes could be put in out of the way? Do you have too much stuff, could you get rid of some of it? We are all guilty of being passionate about what we do and I am a sucker for something new as well but I had a big sort out in the summer and was very critical about what I needed and what I didn't.

I know two years ago when we were lucky enough to have an extension built, I now have a 'playroom' which I can shut the doors on at night and we have a separate sitting room which is child free and I may only put a cot up in during the day on a odd occasion. I have two grown up children so no toys now apart from x-box etc!! It is good to sit in and relax but I did work for 16 yrs using our sitting room and the kitchen table for craft stuff. I had books shelves and boxes on the bottom two shelves and I could hide them by pushing the sofa in front of the shelves. The excess then tucked away in the shed. if you invest in a small shed that is used just for childminding then you can put the cost of it down as an expense in your accounts.

02-11-2012, 01:49 PM
I would not de register. Far too much too much hasstle to register again. Maybe get Wednesdays off?
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

02-11-2012, 01:58 PM
my dh is a pain .....he says he supports childminding but doesn't really. He keeps out the house whenever anyone is here and unlike yours now says he doesn't like children in general apart form his own, so won't ever participate in any trips etc :angry:

In the end I decided that I want to childmind, he keeps out of my way, he has chosen to stay out and not participate, I did cut back on my late finishes and really early starts but after spending such effect setting myself up as a childminder I am sticking with it. I like my job and I like being home with my own children (some of the time!! :laughing:)

02-11-2012, 02:53 PM
same here too - my dh hates the fact that there are always kids here, getting underfoot!

As a compromise I've stopped working fridays atm while he's at home, so hopefully that'll help.

02-11-2012, 03:36 PM
Mine is the same, although so much better as time has gone on. I've got to say I don't blame them feeling this way, I get fed up with it too.

Yes I do like my mindees, but they're here 11 hours a day and it really gets to me that I can't just have my home for my own family... I love my friends but I certainly wouldn't want to see them in my home for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week!!

I don't know what the answer is.

02-11-2012, 03:46 PM
I agree it seems a shame not to mention hassle to deregister and would at least try cutting back & try having wednesday as a day off with your DH before making a final decision.

02-11-2012, 03:47 PM
It really is hard sometimes getting a good balance. I think Rickysmiths gave some excellent advice.
My dh keeps out of the way if he is home before he mindees leave - they all love him though, and he goes upstairs and they stand at the bottom shouting night night to him:laughing:

He does get fed up sometimes though, because I have so much stuff, far too much to be honest, but i find so hard to downsize. Anyway sorry, this isn't about me, but you.
Have a chat with dh, and see if there is any kind of compromise you can reach, along the lines of all the good advice given here already. It maybe just one or two small changes would make all the difference.

I hope it goes well for you, But if you really do feel a weight off your shoulders by giving up then go ahead. Do what you think is best for you, but personally I would wait until I had a job to start before giving notice to parents, as it may take longer than you think the way things are at the moment, so unless you can do without the income take your time.