Need of a rant before I explode

[oxfordshirecm]

Its my own fault I'm in this situation and some other of my friend childminders are saying I told you so... But still need to rant...

I meet a parent back in January who has twins and wanted full time care for them, so jumped at the chance to fill my space with one swoop and gave them a pound an hour discount which included nappies lunch and dinner (charged £7 per hour). Anyways have had the twins since then and me and my partner have become very good friends with the parents. Didn't intentionally mean too but we all got on so well.... Have even booked to go away next year for a week with them.

We have always managed to keep friends and work separately... Until recently.

They have 2 older girls who are 6 and 7 and were with another cm as they went to aschool I didn't do drop offs to... I had them occassionally in the holidays just to give the girls a bit of variety and only charged £1.40 per hour as it was extra money for me and a favour.

This September the parents moved them to local school. They enquired at the before and after school club but were too expensive and didn't accommodate the hours they needed. There is only one other cm that serviced the school and she is full so they asked me. They wanted me to still only charge them the 2.40 an hour for both but I stuck to my guns and said no I wouldn't do it for that but would for 3 per hour. They reluctantly agreed to pay this but said they only wanted to pay the 2.40 per hour during holidays etc... I didn't want to say yes as this barely covered all the food crafts activities outings I do with them..but due to our friendship I agreed thinking the term time will come in handy and will cover this.

Anyway we were having and evening in the other day with the said parents no kinds having a few drinks when the talk of childcare came up and how expensive it was. Turns out the father thinks that he employs me so I should do as he said...obviously set him straight but don't think he listened. Well from that day on everything has gone wrong... Even so much as to when I issued their invoice this week the father decided that my charges were wrong and has taking it upon him self to undercharge me by £19.

So now I have to bring this up with them which is so awkward as we are friends. There is no point to this post just needed a rant as feel so stupid as this would not of happened if I hadnt become friends with them... Which is such ashame as I thought they were such nice people :(

[JCrakers]

:(

It is a difficult situation isn't it. I know Hindsight is a wonderful thing but mixing business and friendship was always going to be hard :(

Hope you manage to stick to your guns and get that £19 without jeopardising your relationship

[mama2three]

I do think that you need to deal with this asap.
Tnvite them both for a chat ..and tell them that you value your friendship , and at the same time are running a business. So that you can keep both you all need to come to some agreements...
Then go from there.
Not easy but I cant see any alternative if you want to keep the children and the friends...

[oxfordshirecm]

You are both so right... I moved to this area 5 years ago to be with my partner but have struggled to find any other women. Get on with so when I clicked with the parent I did not really think about business problems. I know £19 is not a lot and def not worth loosing friendship over but it's the background and attitude to it all. The female parent is quiet like me and doesn't like confrontation and so easy to talk to but unfortunately the male parent is the one that wears the trousers and is so unbearable... He turns me into a school child even when we are just socialising... Wouldn't mind loosing his friendship to be honest hehe.

Ooh how I hate confrontation.... But going to have to dig my backbone out of the back of the cupboard for this one certainly lol can I borrow anyone's if I can't find mine please?

[Mouse]

Oh dear. What a shame it's turned out like this. If the mum is the friendlier of the two could you approach her about it?

Mixing business and friendship can be difficult and very often something has to give, either the business or the friendship. I think you'll have to decide which is more important to you :(

[oxfordshirecm]

Oh dear. What a shame it's turned out like this. If the mum is the friendlier of the two could you approach her about it?

Mixing business and friendship can be difficult and very often something has to give, either the business or the friendship. I think you'll have to decide which is more important to you :(

I called mum and said said it was dad that had checked invoice as she is rubbish with numbers, that dad wasn't here tonight so she would pay difference in cash.

It's just ashame it's come to this as I have bent over backwards for them and my fees save them £540 a month compared to the after school clubs. I always babysit for them free in evenings as a friend so they can go out and work bank holidays at no extra charge so they can have time to themselves. My contract is if I have holiday I don't charge but if they have holiday they pay, so Xmas we are at stale mate as they won't book holiday as don't want to pay me for the space nd I don't want to book holiday as basically can't afford to apart from Xmas day and boxing day.

Just feel very unappreciated at what I offer and do for them. Would of been nice of them to say... We will book Xmas eve off as I'm sure you will have lots to do and you deserve it.

My partner says to just book the week off and we will manage and let them look after their 4 kids for once lol

Sorry for ranting.... It's been building inside me for ages and have no one to talk to... So thank you everyone for listening... Feeling lighter :)

[lynnfi]

I wouldn't call "friend" someone who would ask me to take their children on board almost for free, or 2.40 in the name of our friendship. I would call these abusers and opportunists.
Would you dream of doing such a thing if you were in their place?!!

I am sorry but I think you need to reconsider, and protect yourself and your kindness from such people.

[oxfordshirecm]

I am sorry but I think you need to reconsider, and protect yourself and your kindness from such people.[/QUOTE]

Since writing it all done I have realised how stupid I have been letting myself get into this situation and being walked all over. I didn't mind being so cheap at first as the holiday care was more adhoc... Or thats what it was supposed to be. Also the 4 children do not have any boundaries at home so here they just want to run riot... The older girls have broken my brand new patio doors, drawn on my daughters own train track, back chatted me and my partner painted on my walls just to mention a few.

Think I'm going to give notice in regards to the older girls and explain reasons why, if they then want to take the twins away too ( which I know they will not afford to be able to do) then I will just have to deal with that, I am even doing the nvq level 3 and additional work in order to become accredited so the parents can get the free 15 hours in January instead of next September which is when it will be if they go to nursery as they only do one intake a year.

[little chickee]

If this was me i would be trying to come up with a resonable excuse to give notice to the schoolies but still be able to keep the younger ones.

£3 an hour for 2 kids is a joke.

I too would want to keep me friendship with the mum and it is her I would try to deal with.
Do you have other before and after schoolers? If not i would be tempted to say that you aren't minding schoolies anymore.

HOWEVER - I really do think that i would not be wanting to keep these parents if this is how they were treating me.

I know you don't want to lose the friendship or the money but if i couldnt find a solution that was agreeable to me i think i would have to serve notice to the entire family. I just couldnt continue a workable relationship ( business or pleasure) with the Dad.

[lynnfi]

This is too much. Is it real? I wouldn't go in the "I was stupid" kind of thoughts. You were kind.

But now is the time to put a stop to this bullying, They are stepping on you, damaging your property and your feelings, taking advantage and not paying you enough. And mind you, they are aware of this. And might be laughing behind your back. And they will try and invent sth to keep the girls with you, be sure of that. This might be a phone call crying or such, be prepared.
You have a duty to yourself, is the way I would consider the future. And things are not going to get better despite anything they might say.

So I would ponder the whole things over quietly, take a decision, and plan the way you are going to tell them, which could be a letter, as is easier and you are not interrupted and then it is over with.

I feel for you really. I'd like to have a word with them!

[BucksCM]

Having read what you've written about these "friends" I have to say I too, think they are taking you for a ride!
They are using your friendship against you. I know we all do things now and again to help out...I did just last week, I looked after a lo for the day for no payment! Mum isn't what I would call a good friend, we don't socialise, but we have a great working relationship and doing what I did on friday helped her in a difficult situation, the difference being that I know she wouldn't abuse the relationship with me. Got a lovely bunch of roses as a thank you!
You need to find a way or readdressing the balance in this relationship and letting them know that in fact you can seperate the two...friends/work. You need to sit and have a good chat with the mum and let her know where you're coming from...if you can...with regards letting the older children go...the damage/backchatting etc, and the fact that having done your accounts you've realised that you cannot afford to give such a discount...therefore filling the space with poeple who will pay the going rate.
I realise it's going to be difficult, but you need to do something or it will eat away at you.

[Ripeberry]

Don't take the older children and don't babysit for free! If they were true friends money would never come into it. They are just trying to keep you sweet. I wouldn't do childcare for a friend as in the end it always goes wrong as soon as any party starts to mention 'Can you give me a discount' from then on its a slippery slope to being walked on all over!
:(

[oxfordshirecm]

Thank you everyone... Spoke to mum tonight as dad wasn't there and told her how I was feeling... She gave me the money in cash and said she would talk to dad. She apologised and was embarrassed about the whole thing and said unfortunately that's just the way he is (mum works 50 hours a week wich includes night shifts but dad expects mum to keep the house spotless and washing done and look after their four children whilst he plays golf). So will just see how things go- doubt things will change but we will see.

[Tatjana]

Oh my word, this situation must stop...you are being taken advantage of big time. The dad is some kind of control freak, ok his wife is putting up with it, her life, her choice....don't let him treat you like this.

Please stop babysitting for free...do they babysit for you so you can spend time with your hubby?

Have they paid for the damage their kids have done in your home?

They are not your friends hon.

[blue bear]

Oh hinny, you are learning the hard way, you can become friends with parents business has to come first.
No more freebies, hav a contract review and state the price is going up to £7 hour for sister same as twins for after school an holidays, make it clear what your baby sitting rates are now and bank holiday charges.
Dad has been controlling you but no more, take control of your business, give them 4 weeks notice o. The change, take it or leave it.

I'd be hard pushed to cover my costs at those rates never mind make a profit!

:group hug: don't worry lots of us make daft mistakes in the beginng, thing is to recognise it and do something about it.

[mum24]

You are both so right... I moved to this area 5 years ago to be with my partner but have struggled to find any other women. Get on with so when I clicked with the parent I did not really think about business problems. I know £19 is not a lot and def not worth loosing friendship over but it's the background and attitude to it all. The female parent is quiet like me and doesn't like confrontation and so easy to talk to but unfortunately the male parent is the one that wears the trousers and is so unbearable... He turns me into a school child even when we are just socialising... Wouldn't mind loosing his friendship to be honest hehe.

Ooh how I hate confrontation.... But going to have to dig my backbone out of the back of the cupboard for this one certainly lol can I borrow anyone's if I can't find mine please?

This is an awkward situation, but if you are certain that your invoice is correct (just in case you did make a mistake:blush:), then you need to be open but firm, your invoice is yours according to the contract you have all signed. The point is not the money, but respecting your business. Try to keep calm, and use the contract if you need to, showing where it says per hour etc etc. I hope it all works out well for you.
I did have a similar situation where a mum thought she could alter my invoice to suit her, because she collected ten minutes early occasionally and deducted ten minutes off the bill, she did this all the time, even though each time I told her that the original amount stood, then she would pay the full amount, and then blooming well change the next invoice - drove me crackers. Think she did it on purpose just for the fun of watching me turn purple trying to remain polite.:)

[mrs robbie williams]

can you have a chat with mum and say that this has highlighted to you that you really need to now put your business head on and call them in for a meeting and contract review? say that you are charging them way too low and that you must now start charging them your normal rate, say you are having enquiries which you turning away so you can keep their children so therefore are losing out financially which you can no longer afford to do?

[greenfields]

They don't sound like friends to me! :(

I'd have to put my foot down. Explain that they agreed to x y and z and if they don't follow the agreement, notice will have to be given.

Friendship and business isn't a good combination (not that they sound like friends to me).

[Ripeberry]

That mum needs to go on strike and trach Dad a lesson in pulling his weight. But she made her bed and must lie in it. Just dont get in with her.

[bunyip]

To be brutally honest, I'd have already given them notice - both as clients and as friends.

There is no reason why a friend can't be a client too and respect your business. These guys are users who are taking the wee-wee. :angry:

If, after notice, they come crawling back begging you to have the lo's, then negotiate a new contract. And I mean a proper CMing contract, what you have at the mo sounds like a piece of paper giving them the 'right' to abuse your relationship.

I wouldn't be trying to get accreditted just to help these bullies out. I'd be offering the free hours to new clients who'd treat me some respect and humanity, whilst telling these so-called friends to sling their hook. :mad: