How to deal with this mindee?

[mummyme]

Hi all,

Well its Tuesday! :clapping: The reason I love Tuesdays? Because it means that I am approaching Wednesday and Thursday when I dont have mindee 'Z' here!

I have looked after him since he was 9 months and he is fast approaching 3. To be blunt, there is just nothing nice about him. He never does anything to make me smile like the others do. I don't mean to sound mean, I am just saying it as it is!

He is always asking for juice. I let him have juice with his lunch and he drinks it like a pig. He also eats like a pig. I put his lunch down for him and it is gone in seconds and he will then be asking for a yoghurt. I make him wait until I have finished my own lunch (is this ok?), but all the way through my lunch I then have him asking 'have you finished, have you finished' over and over - and I know he is doing it just to annoy me.

I take him to a mother and toddler group and he is very well behaved there (in fact he is very well behaved wherever I take him), but at juice and biscuit time he is allowed three biscuits and he eats his three biscuits (in a very messy way) before the other children have finished their first, so I now make him wait a bit so that he can see he has nothing to gain by rushing. (is this ok) At the toddler group we put all the toys away at the end and he is SO, SO helpful, wanting to help everybody.

At my house is where he is not nice. Before we go on the school run I like to tidy up the toys and the children always help me. When I ask 'Z' to help he shouts 'NO' at me. In fact whatever I ask him to do, i.e. 'get your coat on, make sure you are sharing', he always shouts NO at me.

He knows how to irritate too. He will consantly say 'Mary' in a long whiny voice, I ask 'yes Z'. He has nothing to say but seconds later, he does it again. If I say we're going to pick the boys up from school soon, he will say 'Maryyyyyyyy, are we going yet, are we going yet', a ridiculous number of times.

Goodness me what a whinge bag I am! I guess the point of this is to ask you experts how I deal with this child. We do have some nice moments, like this morning we saw a caterpillar and stood and watched it. When he is been deliberately annoying, like asking the same question over and over, should I just ignore him? I dont want to be cruel.

This probably sounds pathetic but day to day it really gets me down.

Thanks to all those still listening!

[Pipsqueak]

I am going to be blunt here and I am sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.

It sounds like you have fallen into a negative cycle with him. Hands up- I done this with one of my more 'attention seeking' mindees and it took something my partner said to make me realise.
Everything this child done 'wound me up' - her constant demands for attention, look at me behaviour, constant questions. I started to view her as a pain in the rear end. My partner realised that I was actually part of the problem... I was 'seeing' her in the wrong way - because she is actually a 'spirited child' rather than 'attention seeking' . I took a BIG step back and a big breathe and re-evaluated and when I saw that actually she was a lively child, I started to see a different child to the one who was annoying me.

Does that make sense? I have cared for since she was 18months old and around 3 she started 'getting to me'. (she is now 5.5yrs) and actually when I see her she does need attention - because she is not getting the right attention at home, she is actually a delightful (still hard work though) child who (if I do say so myself) adores me. since my ephipany, I do not dread her coming, I have 'fallen back in love' with her and i adore her in return, she is a little tough nut, a go-getter, she needs guidance and focus and I am proud to say i can provide that, She is actually a bit like me when I was little - spirited... (actually probably a lot like me ... according to my mum!)

I would say if you cannot work through these feelings then you need to let the child go - so you don't dread your job and in fairness to him.

[mummyme]

Thanks for such a quick reply Pipsqeak. I was not at all offended by your reply. I take on board what you have said as it may help. I try my hardest not to let him wind me up and am always very patient with him. He would not be aware of how I feel inside. He is treated the same as the other children. I try to be very professional about it. As for letting him go, I forgot to mention, he's my nephew - I blame his dad! :laughing:

[adele1985]

to the saying no all the time - i have one like this at the momoent - im HOPING its just a phase - my favorite phrase at the moment is "thats not nice, if you cant be nice you cant do nice things" :rolleyes: at tidy up time everyone tidys up and if they dont i leave something out for them to put away in thier own time ( i normally start a activitiy like painting, playdoug, baking ect and if they want to take part then they tidy away whats been left out if they dont then they dont take part in the activity lol does that sound too harsh :blush:

as for saying things over and over again i also have one of these to lol i answer then the first time and after that i say " i dont know whats Adele doing" i find this works more than ignoring them as my lo just dosent stop until she gets an answer out of you:rolleyes:

[Pipsqueak]

Thanks for such a quick reply Pipsqeak. I was not at all offended by your reply. I take on board what you have said as it may help. I try my hardest not to let him wind me up and am always very patient with him. He would not be aware of how I feel inside. He is treated the same as the other children. I try to be very professional about it. As for letting him go, I forgot to mention, he's my nephew - I blame his dad! :laughing:

oh hun I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't be professional about it... believe me I was too and this child never knew that I 'felt' that way either.
Just be aware that we can and do fall into that negativity cycle - nephew or not (hey we have all done it with our own kids too) and we start of by dreading them coming and we start churning and then we only expect them to be naughty/awful/sad/miserable etc and we fail to see the little good things - the things that make the day lovely. And before you know it its that negative cycle.

One of my current tots - a 2.5yr old - had her since she was 12 wks old - babied and spoiled rotten has started whinging and whining if I expect her to do anything for herself. I've had to take a step back and ignore because otherwise it would be really exasperating and I don't want to go down that route again.

[mummyme]

to the saying no all the time - i have one like this at the momoent - im HOPING its just a phase - my favorite phrase at the moment is "thats not nice, if you cant be nice you cant do nice things" :rolleyes: at tidy up time everyone tidys up and if they dont i leave something out for them to put away in thier own time ( i normally start a activitiy like painting, playdoug, baking ect and if they want to take part then they tidy away whats been left out if they dont then they dont take part in the activity lol does that sound too harsh :blush:

as for saying things over and over again i also have one of these to lol i answer then the first time and after that i say " i dont know whats Adele doing" i find this works more than ignoring them as my lo just dosent stop until she gets an answer out of you:rolleyes:

Good advice here. Thank you. I shall use your comments- i like them. I will also leave out some toys for him to clear up once we get back from the school run if he refuses to help and I bet he'll tidy them up if he wants to join in after school snack time! :)

[mummyme]

oh hun I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't be professional about it... believe me I was too and this child never knew that I 'felt' that way either.
Just be aware that we can and do fall into that negativity cycle - nephew or not (hey we have all done it with our own kids too) and we start of by dreading them coming and we start churning and then we only expect them to be naughty/awful/sad/miserable etc and we fail to see the little good things - the things that make the day lovely. And before you know it its that negative cycle.

One of my current tots - a 2.5yr old - had her since she was 12 wks old - babied and spoiled rotten has started whinging and whining if I expect her to do anything for herself. I've had to take a step back and ignore because otherwise it would be really exasperating and I don't want to go down that route again.

Thanks again Pipsqueak. I wasnt suggesting that I thought you were saying I was being unprofessional so no problem. I value your advice. It makes sense of how I am feeling. He came out of playschool yesterday a bit out of sorts and I asked if he needed a cuddle and he really cuddled into me which was nice and makes it all worthwhile. So, I guess he is nice sometimes!

[moogster1a]

I also look after a lo that, to be blunt, I don't like.
TBH he just annoys me constantly. I've had him since 9 months and he's now 7 years and I don't think he's ever stopped whinging in all that time!
I also have his sister and they whine at each other and argue constantly. To be fair, their parents are forever at each others' throats so I can see why he's such a misery but it doesn't help!
The way i deal with it is to just always make sure I treat him the same as the others, the same smiles, jokes and cuddles ( when he'll have them) and just remind myself he's going home in x hours!
I can honestly say he won't have ever picked up on the fact I think he's the most miserable whiny child in the world and he does love coming here.
I wouldn't let your mindee go. View it as when you have to work with people you dislike in other jobs. Unfortunately as each child is an individual, you will every now and again come across one you don't like. The trick is to make sure they and their parents never know!

[eddie]

I agree it is easy to become negative and fall into a cycle and it is also hard to snap out of this. I had a LO I didn't 'gel' with and it was only when I heard my own children parroting some of the moans I had that I realised how I had projected the negative view of her to everyone.

As for the food thing, is he perhaps just a hungry lad - perhaps he just needs a bit more food/fruit etc to fill him up. I have some who hoover the food in seconds and others who take forever depending on their appetites.

[melco]

I have a lo who spends most of his time in my house screaming. I only have him 2.30-6.30pm. When I first started having him I thought I could not do it and would have to give notice it was really getting me down. But then I started to see things from his point of view, when he arrived at my house we went straight on the school run so he was put in the buggy and then when we get back he is in the high chair for snack, then has a play then in the high chair again while dinner is prepared etc etc and also as he can not ask for what he wants his screaming is his way for asking for something because he get frustrated. Things are getting better and I know I have not had this child as long as you, my tip is to put my invoices together on my computer at the beginning of the month so I cam see the incentive to what I am doing.

[Kirstylob]

A quick idea for helping at tidy up time. Maybe you have already tried this but I find if I 'announce' tidy up time, I either get ignored or some very blank looks!! But if I give each child a specific job to do i.e. can M please find all the animal s and put them in the animal box, can F please pick up all the books and put them in the book box, somehow they all do it!!
Maybe he needs more specific guidance?
I also agree with the eddie about the food, maybe he needs a bit more. I have one who at 9 am will ask if its lunch time, he always eats way too fast but I make him wait until the other children have finished their sandwiches before we all move on to crisps. I hope that this shows him that no matter how fast he eats, he's not getting any more until we are all ready. I d the same with all the children, they have to wait - mainly because some would refuse to eat more sandwiches if they saw others eating crisps.
Good luck and take a deep breath (you can always scream when they have all left!!!)

[marnieb]

The taking a step back advice is excellent - I have had a lo for almost 4 months, and tbh I liked nothing about her, she is an only child, very spoilt and starts every sentance with 'i want...'..................... my own dd was copying her behaviour and no-one here likes her.

But I took a step back today, got mum to bring her in 10 min early so I could ease her into the day, and hand on heart, I have had a lovely day with her!!!!!

[lisa1968]

We're only human and you can't help how you feel.I think most of us have had a child in our care that we find it hard to take to-and we shouldn't feel bad because it's a child.We love childminding but we can't be expected to fall in love with every child we have!
I think the answer is to find ways learn to live with them-try to look for positives as much as you can.It is hard to get out of that negativity cycle,so start afresh tomorrow-I tell myself that every child in my care deserves the best that I can give them.
by the way,I find that if I turn tidy-up time into a game-"I can puit more cars away than you" really works.
Good luck:thumbsup: