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Lear
02-10-2012, 11:07 AM
I'm not sure I've posted in the correct forum but I'm hoping for some advice.

I mind a little girl the same age as my son (age 5), they go to school together but are in seperate classes.

This morning I spoke with the Mother of the little girl who apparently is unhappy at my setting. The cause of her upset is my son. Obviously the Mum has only heard one side of the story (her daughter's) who - by the Mum's own admission can be a bit of a fibber and fabricate stories. I spoke with the Mum and assured her I'd keep a watchful eye on both children and try to stop any arguements between them.

In my opinion they get on fine, they have their moments but don't all 5 year olds? I admit my son can be a bit loud (the girl doesn't like noise) but the girl can be rather stroppy and rude (ignoring my son when he talks to her) which is sometimes why he shouts at her.

I'd love to here if you have experienced child/mindee clashes and how you dealt with this.

Many thanks

Pipsqueak
02-10-2012, 11:57 AM
Well first of all whilst I appreciate you want your mindee to be happy at yours NEVER loose sight of the fact that this is your son's home and he is primary importance.

Next I would be having a chat to your son - without leading him and see if he is happy, if he has any concerns, what his view is.

Then I would be having a chat with said mindee and again without leading asking what she thinks of it with you etc.

Then I would chat to both of them.
What I am reckoning that you will find is that the little girl is perhaps a little jealous that your son has his mummy there and her's isn't. This is a little bit of mummy guilttrip attempt going on from a little girl who is perhaps feels a little bit hard done by.
However if there is something going on then obviously you need to deal with it.

I would be documenting from what the parent has said - your response and how you have dealt with it and your findings and then report back to said parent.
Sensitively dealing with issues with the child/parent if necessary and not allowing your own child to be blamed or trashed unnecessarily.

It might be you are not the right setting for this child - or the child is not the right mindee for your son!

gegele
02-10-2012, 12:02 PM
i had a mindee who clashed with DD. they could play nicely together about 20min out of the 4h!!!!

i gave notice after 3months blaming the school run :o

i couldn't have my DD upset in her own home.

sometimes it just doesn't fit! sometimes it's just a phase.

you have phases as well where mindee pushes his limits and you found trying but you know as an adult that it's a phase. children however...

good luck

samb
02-10-2012, 12:44 PM
My ds goes through phases of being annoyed by everyone! He used to clash with 1 in particular but now it could be anyone and I have to be on the ball all the time. I try to get him to do things that are "special" like he can come into the kitchen with me while I am cooking - this is so I can make sure he isn't "clashing" but he thinks he is special as I don't let minded children in the kitchen unless it is specifcially for an activity! My clashing is often because the other children like ds more than he likes them being around all the time!

It is really hard but Pip's given great advice.

Lear
02-10-2012, 02:59 PM
Thank you for your replies - especially yours Pipsqueak.......this is something that has really got me down, you have put a tear in my eye and a smile on my face.......what you say makes perfect sense x

Pipsqueak
02-10-2012, 03:03 PM
hunny - been there and done that and have learned from the experience.
my children come first and never will they be made to feel wrong or bad in their own home...

weigh it all up
see what you can deal with
solve the situation one way or another

mama2three
02-10-2012, 03:10 PM
Pip - youre absolutely right . They need to know they are safe and cherished in their own homes.

but this bit...my children come first and never will they be made to feel wrong or bad in their own home... sometimes all of our kids are the ones in the wrong , and we have to make sure to be fair to everyone. OP needs to finds a way to 'detach' temporaily from the automatic defensive mum role - long enough to see exactly what is happening - and then be in a much better position to follow the rest of your ( spot-on) advise.

Pipsqueak
02-10-2012, 04:18 PM
Pip - youre absolutely right . They need to know they are safe and cherished in their own homes.

but this bit...my children come first and never will they be made to feel wrong or bad in their own home... sometimes all of our kids are the ones in the wrong , and we have to make sure to be fair to everyone. OP needs to finds a way to 'detach' temporaily from the automatic defensive mum role - long enough to see exactly what is happening - and then be in a much better position to follow the rest of your ( spot-on) advise.

oh totally agree mama.... I certainly know my children are no angels and I am always watchful for mine being 'terratorial' (for want of a better description). I certainly would not tolerate mine being awful to minded kids.. I have always pointed out to my kids that they are lucky in having me at home and they need to be kind and welcoming.

Perhaps I should have been clearer :) - I think I did say that the OP needs to deal with any problems that arise from her chats with the children or observations....

Of course as childcare professionals in such a unique position we do need to be aware if our own children are being little pickles and we do need to - as you say - detach a little at times.:thumbsup:

Jacolynne
02-10-2012, 05:38 PM
Ive had this with my son and a girl mindee, my son is constantly shouting at her if she sings on way home so she sings louder, ignores him when he speaks to her which then results in him shouting at her again, if she dosnt get her own way she slows right down and gets in his way resulting in him shouting again!!!! i am constantly telling him off and talking to him on how to deal with the situation, but consequently i have given notice and this is there last week with me! I did speak with her mum every time it happened and she just used to look at her and i knew nothing would be done! i just thought its bad enough my son going to school and having to work ect why should he have to have agro when hes walking home and get home! Its not easy to make the decision but once i made it it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Good Luck xx

mushpea
02-10-2012, 07:47 PM
I have also been there done that and learnt from experiance,, this is my childrens home and their safe haven and now I dont let anything stop that.
I once looked after a boy 3yrs younger than my son, for almost 18 months they got on great , would make games up to play with toy soliders, build dens, you name it they did and all was good then for the next 6 months they did nothing but fight and argue,, My son has ADHD so has a quick temper and is very easy to wind up (adhd is not an excuse for his behaviour but helps explaines some of the things he does!), the mindee would push all the right buttons and wind my son up, my sons reaction was to shout or lash out at mindee and hence he would always get told off, because he was my son I didnt want to seem biased so most of the time he probably got the brunt of the telling off. it came to blows with mum one day when whilst talking to her I heard her son crying, he came thorugh to the hall saying my son had kicked him, in the heat of the moment I sent my son upstairs , when mindee had gone and all had calmed down I spoke with my son and he said that they were playing a game where one held the balloon and the other kicked it out of their hands, he had misjudged and kicked mindee, next day mindees story was the same although he hadnt admited this to mum:angry:
Anyway after that me and mum decided it was best if he didnt come to me anymore.
when he left it was like a cloud had lifted, I swore from that day on I would never put either of my children through that again. Now I have one schoolie twice a week and have no intention of having anymore.
Like pip said, talk to your son and see how he feels about this child and do whats right for him, trust me when I say no amount of money can come before your children and I dont mean that nastily its just when I had the issues I had to think about the money but since loosing that money we have coped and my son is so so much happier and money cant buy that.

winstonian
02-10-2012, 08:24 PM
I agree that our children must be happy. It's not quite the same but I looked after a girl who was very friendly with my dd but then could be very mean to her at school. This childs mum would often turn up very early or cancel at the last minute which was unsettling for my dd who would come out of school upset that her friend wasnt coming.Or the child would have to be brought out crying which upset my dd. It all sounds a bit silly written down but to a shy 4 year old was really distressing. in the end when some hours changed here I took the opportunity to give notice and felt so relieved. This child has since been round to play several times and they are happier at school. Our guys dont have a choice on whether or not to come here - I expect them to behave and set an example but I will put their long term needs first and I wont apologise or be made to feel in the wrong for that.