Advice

[jake]

I have a 5yr old mindee who lives along with her mum with mums parents,and this morning told me that sometimes her grandma beats grandad up and then he has to sleep on the sofa at night!I didnt know what to say to her,and not sure if i should speak to mum about this!What would you do?Do i make a note of it?Any advice please? Thanks Jake

[lynnfi]

I would call the social services and expose the situation. He might be a "vulnerable person" in need of protection.
This would be my approach, although personnal.

[JCrakers]

Oh dear :(

Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as men hitting women but it is so very common to be the other way around.

It's a tricky one, It could be something the child has seen and blown it out of proportion or it could be something that goes on.
If you have a word with Mum then mindee may get into trouble and you don't know what will happen then.
Do you have a DO to ask for advice or I would ring the safeguarding number to ask for advice about this.

Edited to say...maybe mention to Mum at pick up time that little one has been a bit upset today because she mentioned Grandpa was sleeping on the sofa?? So don't actually say the other bit to her yet...See what she says and go from there.

[Ripeberry]

Its more common than anyone thinks :( They have started a new campaign on the news for over 50s victims of domestic violence to make their voices heard.

[moogster1a]

You would call SS? Really?"!!! Huge over reaction.
I would assume sceanrio such as:
Grandad snores
Grandad sleeps on settee so grandma can sleep
Small child in morning says "why is Grandad sleeping on settee?"
Grandma says"'cos I beat him up at night"
People do have in family jokes you know.
I'd do nothing whatsoever or you could be in a world of intefering hurt.
Would grandma / grandad really tell small children that he's on the settee due to being beaten up?
I'll await all the "he could be a vulnerable adult, let's get SS/ police, DM squad in just in case, but personally, I say leave alone.

[loocyloo]

Oh dear :(

Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as men hitting women but it is so very common to be the other way around.

It's a tricky one, It could be something the child has seen and blown it out of proportion or it could be something that goes on.
If you have a word with Mum then mindee may get into trouble and you don't know what will happen then.
Do you have a DO to ask for advice or I would ring the safeguarding number to ask for advice about this.

Edited to say...maybe mention to Mum at pick up time that little one has been a bit upset today because she mentioned Grandpa was sleeping on the sofa?? So don't actually say the other bit to her yet...See what she says and go from there.

i agree, i would go with this plan and see what she says. she might not say anything, but i would write it down as something LO said and monitor the situation. it COULD be a family 'in' joke, but it could equally be something else.

[EmmaReed84]

You would call SS? Really?"!!! Huge over reaction.
I would assume sceanrio such as:
Grandad snores
Grandad sleeps on settee so grandma can sleep
Small child in morning says "why is Grandad sleeping on settee?"
Grandma says"'cos I beat him up at night"
People do have in family jokes you know.
I'd do nothing whatsoever or you could be in a world of intefering hurt.
Would grandma / grandad really tell small children that he's on the settee due to being beaten up?
I'll await all the "he could be a vulnerable adult, let's get SS/ police, DM squad in just in case, but personally, I say leave alone.

I am on the fence in this case. I agree with what you are saying. I play with my kids and smack their bottoms, in a playful way, as you do... Anyway Mum was picking up mindee and said to Mum "Emma smacked Caiden!" Mum looked and laughed and said it is a good job she knows what I am like. That could have been so different if mindee said it away from me and the parent thought I was actually smacking!

However I am not sure I would "leave it alone" I would perhaps mention it to Mum in a casual sort of way... A bit like how another poster said... X was upset because grandpa slept on the sofa...IF it was a case that he was being abused and I just left it alone I would be so mad at myself!

[Jo Jo]

Oh dear :(

Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as men hitting women but it is so very common to be the other way around.

It's a tricky one, It could be something the child has seen and blown it out of proportion or it could be something that goes on.
If you have a word with Mum then mindee may get into trouble and you don't know what will happen then.
Do you have a DO to ask for advice or I would ring the safeguarding number to ask for advice about this.

Edited to say...maybe mention to Mum at pick up time that little one has been a bit upset today because she mentioned Grandpa was sleeping on the sofa?? So don't actually say the other bit to her yet...See what she says and go from there.

I agree also , but if you are concerned I would seek advice from your local authority safeguarding board :) also record every thing that the child says in there words !! Hth x

[stargazer1]

I am on the fence in this case. I agree with what you are saying. .................... However I am not sure I would "leave it alone" I would perhaps mention it to Mum in a casual sort of way... A bit like how another poster said... X was upset because grandpa slept on the sofa...IF it was a case that he was being abused and I just left it alone I would be so mad at myself!

Agreed. I don't think I would want to ignore it, but wouldn't want to open a can of worms on something that could be innocent. I would casually mention to mum too and gauge any further action on her reaction and/or explanation.

[Jods]

I would take most things with a pich of salt - however if it were me upon collection I would say exactly what had been said (not beating around the bush with me!!) and ask if it was true - I would record it and then what mum said, just for my own purposes, and leave it at that, if its repeated again then I would be more serious about it and go further and have my original record x

[green4lynn]

I have a 3 year old mindee who recently told me that she didn't like her grandma because she kicked and punched her! I was shocked, but when I told mum she said it was mindee who was kicking and punching her grandma for not letting her get her own way! Mindee is very prone to exaggeration and making up things, a right drama queen!

I think you need to look at the bigger picture, does mum seem unhappy, what is the child like ( do they tell tales ), what is the family like in general? How well do you know mum, is she approachable? Don't do anything rash that may do more harm than good!

Lynn x