AHHHH USE YOUR CUTLERY!

[butterfly]

I'm sorry but this is a rant!

I care for siblings from the same family - 3.5 yrs and 12mths

Since coming to me I've done nothing but fight with the oldest to try and get him to use his cutlery - he wont even use a spoon or fork but picks up everything with his fingers!

In the last two weeks the youngest has started refusing anything off a spoon but now picks up EVERYTHING with his fingers - when I mentioned it to mum she said 'oh that's my fault because ive been letting him'

I would say ok for the 12 mth old but seeing what the older one is still like I'm so annoyed that she thinks this is ok!

I understand that little ones may find knives difficult but a spoon?! PLEASE!! This is just bad manners!!!!

[sharonmanc]

I am half Nigeria and I eat lots of food with my hands it is a cultural thing, and to me not bad manners, mychildren do too,but they interchange with cutlery. Sometimes parents when busy let things slide, try not to let it get to you, and just continue as you do, if they choose to use their fingers let them, but I would ask mum to work with you on this one. I would also make a note in LJ,s

[mum24]

I used to look after children from Zimbabwe, who ate with their fingers most of the time, and I do occasionally too, but we need to teach expected table manners too. I know I was a bit lax with my minded children and didn't make a fuss about them using their fingers, and then the little boy especially, when he started school, used to get laughed at. So I made more of an effort with the younger one.
Cutlery is the norm here, and while cultural ways are fine at home, all the little ones need to learn how we do things here, at least socially.
Also, I think when in someones house, we should abide by their rules. To continue to ignore something is very rude in itself and really I would have expected their mum to be more understanding.

[butterfly]

This isn't a cultural issue (I wouldn't mind then) this is just allowing the child to do what they like.

I spoke to dad when he collected and he did said they're having trouble with him at the moment when he doesnt get his own way. I think mum gives in whilst dad is stronger.

[Playmate]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment, so feel for you :( I have a 2.5 year old who ate perfectly with a spoon and fork at 18mths and now refuses. I have never seen so much mess at the dinner table as she also uses the palm of her hand and not a pincer grip. However the last 2 meals I have given her she has ordered me to put it in the bin! I'm at my wits end :angry:

[singingcactus]

I'm going to be totally honest, and say, it really doesn't bother me. There are so many more important things to get worked up about, that how they transfer their food from their plate into their mouths really really doesn't get me worked up, or stressed. I really don't feel the need to force a child to eat in a certain way. They will get it slowly, most kids go through a patch where they want to use their fingers instead of cutlery, but they always return to using cutlery at some point. Don't sweat it so much. They are only young.

[PixiePetal]

I give the cutlery, encourage to use but as singingcactus said - there are more urgent things to get right first - sharing and not snatching toys in my mindees case :rolleyes:

throughout a meal I may mention it again if fingers are being used for wet food.

[jaswinder bedi]

My mindees do too, one hand fork and other hand they pick food, i keep re-enforcing, and reminding child but they still do it. Also at home they do it doesnt help, dont give up, i know its frustrating all we can do is try!!!

[Playmate]

I give the cutlery, encourage to use but as singingcactus said - there are more urgent things to get right first - sharing and not snatching toys in my mindees case :rolleyes:

throughout a meal I may mention it again if fingers are being used for wet food.

unfortunately for me the one child I have food issues with also hits other mindees regularly (at least she no longer bites :rolleyes:) screams at the top of her voice when she does not get her own way with anything. We have taken on a new child who is not settling so well and she is so frightened of her and upset by her mess, I think we are going to loose her before her settling period is up :( Sorry Butterfly I have just hyjacked your thread to vent, I do appologise :blush:

[emmalourow]

Hi

I have the same problem with my 2 year old mindie she hardly ever uses a spoon or fork and when I catch her using her hands I say no A use your spoon and she starts howling then refuses to eat, when I spoke to mum about this she said yes she does that at home! Any ideas???

xx

[LittleLegsCM]

My son is 2 on Thursday and still has days where he'll only eat his dinner with his hands. It's frustrating when he can use cutlery so well and has done since he was 10/11 months old but I suppose I've just accepted its one of those things that happens.

However, I know exactly what you mean and why it gets frustrating. I have a mindee who is 2.5 and doesnt even know how to HOLD cutlery let alone use it! he holds a spoon & fork kind of back to front and looks really 'cack handed' for want of a better explanation so 99% of the time he doesnt even bother to pick it up & try. I spend every meal time hes here teaching him how to hold & use it (Ive given up trying to eat at the same time as the mindees as I have to watch/teach him) but apparently at home he doesnt get any lead from anyone & is just given a spoon to work out himself so we end up with the same situation the next time he eats here.
I think theres a head shaped hole in every brick wall in my home lol x

[JCrakers]

I have always been 'bugged' by children messing with food. I dont know why.
Think its because I was bought up with good table manners and messing around with food wasn't an option.

I have a 4yr old whos just started school and boy does she mess around :rolleyes: It takes her 4 times longer to eat and she will just play with it but then the others will copy which makes me cross.
She will end up with half her dinner all over the table and floor.

[Velleity]

Actually it doesn't bother me very much at all.
I provide cutlery, sit with the children and would help them if they were attempting to use the cutlery and are struggling. However if they choose to use their fingers to eat I just let them get on with it. I am there at the table eating with them and role-modelling using the cutlery myself but beyond this I would never make a child use them to eat and am not worried at all if they eat with their hands. I think in their own time they will start to use the cutlery.

[butterfly]

Well after speaking to Dad about it last night there is more going on here than just not using his cutlery. He's digging his heels in and trying to gain control over the adults around him.

Mum returned to work last term and makes no attempt to hide the fact that she hates it and would rather be at home. The oldest one is picking up on this and is trying everything to keep her at home with him. She babies him alot with all sorts of things and between them they've got to a point where they don't want to do anything without each other.

His dad explained that he'd had exactly the same issues last week when he'd had to look after them for the day whilst mum was at work.

Basically dad said not to let him get away with it and ignore him if he gets upset - he obviously turns on the tears at home and mum gives in. I doubt mum will back this approach though!

[bunyip]

Serve soup. ;)

[suzyjane73]

Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Look on the bright side, they are eating!!

[babs]

Hands were made before cutlery .i really don't have problem with it as long as they eat got one little one that won't eat unless u feed her ( mum n dad do ) i refuse she is 3 at xmas and here she eats with her fingers otherwise im sat there saying x pick up ur spoon, pick some food up and then ok well done now put it in your mouth. its hard cus she's.only with me 3 days on last day she is feeding herself by following wed we are back to spoon. food mouth. So now i leave her to eat what ever way she chooses but least she eats

[kellib]

At that age it wouldn't bother me so much but I do think the earlier the children use cutlery the better.

There's an LO in my family who always had their food cut up for them etc and their knife skills at even 10 years old were awful, I'm talking just stabbing a chuck of meat with a fork and eating around it rather than cutting it. :rolleyes:

[Blaze]

My son is 2 on Thursday and still has days where he'll only eat his dinner with his hands. It's frustrating when he can use cutlery so well and has done since he was 10/11 months old but I suppose I've just accepted its one of those things that happens.

However, I know exactly what you mean and why it gets frustrating. I have a mindee who is 2.5 and doesnt even know how to HOLD cutlery let alone use it! he holds a spoon & fork kind of back to front and looks really 'cack handed' for want of a better explanation so 99% of the time he doesnt even bother to pick it up & try. I spend every meal time hes here teaching him how to hold & use it (Ive given up trying to eat at the same time as the mindees as I have to watch/teach him) but apparently at home he doesnt get any lead from anyone & is just given a spoon to work out himself so we end up with the same situation the next time he eats here.
I think theres a head shaped hole in every brick wall in my home lol x

It might be that the child is left handed or ambidextuous (sp) if they look cack-handed - try swapping to the other hand to see if this helps :)

[Jods]

Mine have proper metal cutley (child sized) a knife, spoon and fork, however will use a mix of hand and cutlery, 18mth and 2yr, I dont mind as long as some attempt at cutlery is given, it can be frustrating co-ordinating the spoon laden with food to the mouth, and many times they will try and spoon food, miss a few times give up and then use hands.

as for the control issues, I would just do what dad suggests, I try not to have opinions/views on my 'parents' ideas, I just deliver the best I can, I have bought up mine (1 at Uni, 1 in GCSE and 1 just started at SS) as I see fit, I care for others as I see fit but with a little more relaxed attitude, as they are not mine (hope that makes sense lol!!) x

[LittleLegsCM]

It might be that the child is left handed or ambidextuous (sp) if they look cack-handed - try swapping to the other hand to see if this helps :)

Tried it, unfortunately made no difference (in fact he seemed to struggle a little more) x