View Full Version : advice please things not working

tash 1
20-09-2012, 08:19 PM
Hi all if you read my other post you will know how my new mindee has not settled over 2 weeks no progress at all only want the arms can't get her to play on floor with me only 8 months screams not stop if in high chair today had window open my neighbours must have wondered what was going on but I will refuse to hold her and feed her breakfast as I have other mindees that sit at table and know thats where we eat.She only wants to be held won't play on floor on my play mat I have lovely toys and the other mindees love my home.
Tried everything with mum but I know mum holds her everywhere she goes and never leaves her.mum also originally wanted full week but now she says only needs me 1 day as her dad can have her but may want days here and there I have other mums I had to turn away because she wanted full week but now I don't think it's working not.was gonna give it one more week and then suggest it's not working oh she also messing me about with fees too signed contract to pay month in advance but only give me half fees my other 19 month is not getting the attention she needs and keeps saying stop to her crying.any advice welcome oh and I won't even go there with tots group.

jaswinder bedi
20-09-2012, 08:30 PM
Aaa!! It must have really hard for you?? Its so difficult for that child to settle for one day with you, its better for you having full time child, also that poor child must have not is so use to having mum or dad one to one and it make it hard to settle with others. If that child does not settle and mum does not pay you must consider it!!!

21-09-2012, 06:53 AM
It's hard isn't it :( mine was 8 weeks long and I gave notice.

If the baby is used to being held all the time and in my case they used to go to her as soon as she cried, making my job so hard.

Are you still in the settling in period?

21-09-2012, 07:02 AM
I would have a meeting with the parents and explain that you are not available for ad hoc days unless they want to pay for the time and you will be filling any spaces. say that lo is finding it hard to settle in with a group of children and that you will extend the settling in period to see how she manages to settle. Outline all the things you will do to help her settle....such as one to one time, reading stories, playing, encourage sitting with the other children, etc etc and then its up to them what they choose to do with regards to hours but you have made your side clear and with an extended settling in period you can cut strings if it really doesn't work. Good luck, feel for you, awful situation.

21-09-2012, 07:05 AM
Poor baby - it can take much longer for settling in , it really is very early days. Just stay calm , consistent and she will eventually settle. its likely to be a long process at 1 day a week.
BUT - if parents are also messing you about with fees / contracts etc I would take this opportunity to get out quick before the end of the settling in period. Sounds like you have regular enquiries and so wont lose out financially .

21-09-2012, 07:38 AM
Settling a screamer is tough enough when they come 3 or 4 days a week and you can offer some consistency... 1 day a week is going to be very difficult and I would suggest that it's not going to work :(

It's probably fairer on the little one and you and your family if you explain to parents now that the lo might be better elsewhere.

Hugs xx

21-09-2012, 07:51 AM
I agree with Sarah, good luck

21-09-2012, 08:13 AM
I would explain to mum that one day a week is not suitable for the little one that baby is finding it hard to settle as the days are so far apart. discuss with mum that you have other children in your care and they need to work with you to help her settle suggest looking at routines at home and your home . If mum isnt willing to budge sugest a nanny. Also be firm with the payment issue.

21-09-2012, 11:35 AM
I am going through this too.

Little girl is 10 months old. Mum is a teacher and works on a 2 week timetable. I have her on a Tuesday from 9.30-12.30 one week and then the next week is on a Wednesday 9-4 pm. This is the third week I have had her and she came 11.45-4.30 as Mum had to invigilate 11+ exams. She pretty much cried all the time even through lunch and tea. I couldn't comfort her at all. She cried even if I was holding her. The only time she was quiet was whe I was on the school run and the little pickle was smiling at my friend while we waited at the school gate!!

I have said to Mum we will give it until half term and reassess. I really don't know how I can get her to settle.

I feel for you too.

21-09-2012, 12:42 PM
Poor you, what a nightmare I would agree with Sarah, I am not sure this is going to work.

I would kindly sit down and talk to the parent about the fact that you are concerned about the fact that she is not settling in and is crying constantly unless you lift her. Explain that this is simply not an option within your setting as it means that the other children are not getting the level of attention they need. I would probably go on to say that your worry is that as she is coming one day a week the situation may not change because for a tiny child a week is a very long time and I would say it might be different if she was with you more frequently.

Set a deadline, in agreement with the parents, and say that if she is no better by then that you feel that you will have to terminate the agreement. At the end of the day if they won't change what they are doing at home she is going to expect it with you.

Good luck !

Sam x

21-09-2012, 01:43 PM
I would have to agree with others here, it is going to be very difficult 1 day a week. It's a lifetime for such a little one.

I had similar with a 14 month old and I have to say it was a relief when I called it a day. LO screamed all day and nothing calmed her down, not cuddles or anything. She cried so much she kept making herself sick, wouldn't eat and it was awful. She just wanted Mum.

It's hard for them and hard for us too! It affected the other children I look after too, with other children ending up in tears all the time and the schoolies were all complaining too.

If you want to try a bit longer then definitely extend the settling in period, but personally I would feel that if I was getting messed around with payment it really isn't worth the trouble.

I finally made the decision when I thought long and hard about what was best for the child and also the other children.

Good luck whatever you decide.

tash 1
21-09-2012, 03:28 PM
Hi all my little screamer has left the building for the weekend and boy what a day!!! I have had baby 4 days for last 2 weeks not 1 day mum wants 1 day possible 2 from next month then 3rd day now and then do others have this with parents? Keep chaining and how will I do contract?? had other settling in days in august with mum in my home hour each time and she played on floor with me as mum and dad sat on sofa so don't know why she won't play now?it was hard today she went on floor on play mat before mum left then had half hour with my on and off then it went down hill after we had walk in pram and would go down. sooooo tired didnt feel this tired with my own babies.dreading next week as I can't give other mindee cuddle and she getting jealous.will give it one more week what u think ladies.I know why people say they need a glass of wine on a Friday now lol.x

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
21-09-2012, 03:38 PM
I have a little one that screams had her for 3 weeks now but week after next she is going on holiday so feel I will be back to square one. Three weeks to me is nothing as they last screamer I had lasted 8 months and then one day he just stopped, mum knew what he was like he is now 4 and a lovely little boy. Looking back now have no idea how I lasted that long just hope I can settle this one a lot quicker.

tash 1
21-09-2012, 04:51 PM
I have a little one that screams had her for 3 weeks now but week after next she is going on holiday so feel I will be back to square one. Three weeks to me is nothing as they last screamer I had lasted 8 months and then one day he just stopped, mum knew what he was like he is now 4 and a lovely little boy. Looking back now have no idea how I lasted that long just hope I can settle this one a lot quicker.
Wow u must have some will power I am not normally a quiter but don't think I'll be able to last 8 months am going to relax now with a yummy indian take away Lovely husband and 3 quiet children oh and lots if T.V:)