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Valencia
10-09-2012, 03:29 PM
So my 4 (almost 5) year old mindee (who likes to get his own way) basically told me today that if I made him do anything he didn't want to do e.g. clear up his mess after drawing, toys etc he would tell his mum that I pinched him.

I was mortified!

What do I do? I am planning to tell his mum about it and log in daily diary, but I can't believe how some children can be these days. Is there anything else I should do?

Playmate
10-09-2012, 03:48 PM
Log it as a concern and get the parent to sign it tonight. Personally I would tell the parent that I will not be threatened and if anything else is said you will be terminating the contract with immediated effect.

Pipsqueak
10-09-2012, 03:54 PM
I would be coming down heavy on this and exactly what Playmate said.
Log as a concern - tell parent and get them to sign (if parent won't sign - note on it in front of them they they won't)
ensure they know that you will not tolerate being threatened by a minded child - or anyone
and any further incidents for concern you will have no option but to terminate with immediate effect

gegele
10-09-2012, 03:56 PM
just what Pip said :D

I think that both mindee and parent would see a really black cloud in my unwelcoming eyes!!!

like this at 4 imagine at 16!!!:eek::eek: scary!!

Valencia
10-09-2012, 04:15 PM
I would be coming down heavy on this and exactly what Playmate said.
Log as a concern - tell parent and get them to sign (if parent won't sign - note on it in front of them they they won't)
ensure they know that you will not tolerate being threatened by a minded child - or anyone
and any further incidents for concern you will have no option but to terminate with immediate effect

Thanks everyone. In terms of logging as a concern is that a separate document? This is my third week of looking after him.

hectors house
10-09-2012, 04:21 PM
In NCMA accident/incident folder think there is a space for recording concerns of any kind. Reinforce with this child and the parent that you have a STRICT behaviour policy and would never physically injure a child.

Valencia
10-09-2012, 04:30 PM
In NCMA accident/incident folder think there is a space for recording concerns of any kind. Reinforce with this child and the parent that you have a STRICT behaviour policy and would never physically injure a child.

What do I do if I don't have this? Mum will be here in about half and hour. Can I type something up and ask her to sign?

Goatgirl
10-09-2012, 04:56 PM
Yes, just write down what was said today, what you think of it and how you will proceed. write that you have discussed with Mum. when you have discussed with Mum write what she has said in response and ask her to sign and date to confirm the incident and your conversation. You sign too :thumbsup:

Pipsqueak
10-09-2012, 05:05 PM
What do I do if I don't have this? Mum will be here in about half and hour. Can I type something up and ask her to sign?

you should have a behaviour management policy hun. check bromley (BCMA) for a sample.

hectors house
10-09-2012, 05:54 PM
you should have a behaviour management policy hun. check bromley (BCMA) for a sample.

Make sure when you do your behaviour management policy that you include that you can use physical restraint to prevent child injuring themselves or others and that if you do use it you will write up an incident form.

migimoo
10-09-2012, 06:00 PM
I'd just agree with what everyone else says...record,record,record and make sure mum signs after letting her know how upset you are even if it's just a handwritten record, it sounds awful but as lone workers we need to cover ourselves first and foremost.

I once had a 4yr old square up to me and shout in my face that I wasn't allowed to tell her off and that her mum was gonna kill me after asking her not to climb up a slide....mum's reaction was to laugh and say "what's she like?!"....no need to guess where her behaviour stemmed from!

sarah707
10-09-2012, 06:18 PM
I am not sure I could continue working with a child who threatened me like that.

He is presumably in your 4 week settling in period - I'd seriously consider giving notice.

Hugs xx

miffy
10-09-2012, 07:21 PM
So my 4 (almost 5) year old mindee (who likes to get his own way) basically told me today that if I made him do anything he didn't want to do e.g. clear up his mess after drawing, toys etc he would tell his mum that I pinched him.

I was mortified!

What do I do? I am planning to tell his mum about it and log in daily diary, but I can't believe how some children can be these days. Is there anything else I should do?

:eek::eek::eek:

I would have a big concern about looking after this child - who knows what he might accuse you or anyone else of.....................

Miffy xx

madmamma
10-09-2012, 07:33 PM
Agree with everyone's comments.... log and speak to parent asap

Not that you're likely to find out, but where on earth does a child of this age get that type of thought to begin with?!

Ripeberry
10-09-2012, 07:49 PM
Hope you managed to get through to the parents about the seriousness of this and if they brushed it off then terminate!
It must be awful for reception teachers...imagine a class full of these delightful little monsters :panic:

Too many think they know 'their rights' but don't know how to 'earn' their rights in the first place..:angry:

Helen Dempster
10-09-2012, 09:31 PM
I had a 4yo mindee who I eventually had to give notice on (he's since been diagnosed with Autism). However, one day he turned to me and said I was naughty cos I punched and kicked him! He also told me that I would never work again! I ended up seeking advice and reported myself to Ofsted (who were lovely about it, I have to say). But I had to keep a written record of it and had all the names of people I'd spoken to (ie SS/Ofsted/NCMA etc).

Keep a note of it somewhere (diary?) and speak to his mum about it.

Good luck!

The Juggler
11-09-2012, 12:54 PM
good advice given hon. tell mum what happened. log it as an incident and get mum to sign and speak to mindee together. I would prefer not to have a child like this at the setting. i'd always be worried what else they might try.:panic:

Tatjana
11-09-2012, 02:27 PM
This is a dangerous situation for you, this child can accuse you or anyone else in your household of anything, is it really worth the risk of jeopardising your job and/or family's reputation over this child? I wouldn't want to deal with this, I would give notice, this child sounds like trouble.

Mouse
11-09-2012, 02:29 PM
This is a dangerous situation for you, this child can accuse you or anyone else in your household of anything, is it really worth the risk of jeopardising your job and/or family's reputation over this child? I wouldn't want to deal with this, I would give notice, this child sounds like trouble.

I agree with that. I couldn't work with a child knowing they could say absolutely anything about me. I'd have to give notice.

peanuts
11-09-2012, 03:31 PM
i would give notice, i couldnt work with the threat of constant accusantions/threats

VeggieSausage
11-09-2012, 07:43 PM
at least extend the settling in period if you don't give notice...:(

mushpea
11-09-2012, 08:24 PM
I would be wary and would talk to mum about the seriousness of the situation and hope that she will listen, I had a 6yrold who would go home telling lies either about what had happend here with the other children or would tell only 'half truths' (mums words) about things to make me look like I had delibritly upset her and get me in to trouble, I tried talking to mum but she just nastily laughed it off basicly saying that her child wasnt lying but just didnt tell the whole story, she could not see how manipulative her daughter was being , her daughter would lie about being ill to the point where mum would have to have time off work when there was nothing wrong with her yet still mum couldnt see what she was doing ! and the end we argued over the fact I was logging the incidents and that i thought it was more serious and she shouted heres your notice to which I told her thanks cause it saved me the trouble.
hopefully your mum was more understanding

Pipsqueak
11-09-2012, 08:48 PM
hi hun, did you speak to the parents?
how'd it go?

jaswinder bedi
11-09-2012, 10:19 PM
It all sounds very upsetting, you must speak to mum and school to find out general behaviour firstly, next step......mmmmmm!!!! If You are getting the message then i definately would terminate. Other option is to work with mum, feed back in front of their child how did things go today, ask child too and also record. Its not very plesent to have any one like that. I hope all goes well dear.

Valencia
12-09-2012, 03:12 AM
Hi Everyone,

Thank you all SO much for your comments and advice they have been really helpful.

When it happened I freaked out, I was like this must be every childminders nightmare!

So what happened:
I got everything together and explained everything to his mum. She didn't seem to take it very seriously and laughed it off as 'so he's now telling lies now'.

Mum (to mindee): Why are you saying she pinched you?
Mindee: She did pinch me
Mum: When?
Mindee: Just now
Mum: Well she couldn't have pinched you just now as she has been talking to me. Come on let's go home

And that was it. But she signed my documentation and went on her way.

Pick up and drop of times with her are always so rushed, I find it difficult to get any decent information in. I know she doesn't read my daily diary. I feel I need to have a proper conversation with her, without the mindee as he turns into a little terror when she is there.

Just to answer everyone's questions and give an update:

- I do have a behaviour management policy which does include the line about physical restraint to prevent injury line. To be honest I try to steer clear of ANY physical touch with him now (we used to hold hands crossing the road etc).

- I am still within the one month settling in period and after some further events which happened yesterday, including urinating on self in public place and not telling me he needed the toilet - twice - also arriving to mine for his first day of school with no uniform - her response 'the school never told me'. I have decided to end the contract at the end of the settling in period - 28th Sept - I don't need the hassle or stress any more.

There are some obvious behavioural issues and it is clear he gets his own way when he is at home. When asked what forms of discipline do you use, his mum has openly told me that she doesn't discipline him but that I should do it!!!

First day of school yesterday, I mentioned to mindee's teacher that I have some concerns around his development. By the end of the half day when I came to pick him up she confirmed and said she would be contact his mum.

Tomorrow I will update school on urinating incidents and threats.

Aaargh....it is seriously putting me off childminding!

Pipsqueak
12-09-2012, 06:18 AM
PLEASE do NOT wait until the 28th - you can end the contract at any point during the settling end period with notice....

end it now...
this family are Trouble....

please don't wait... serve notice today for the end of this week

gegele
12-09-2012, 06:23 AM
i'm with Pip on that one, when school are going to contact mum i can guarantee that mum is going to blame you for talking...no uniform for school and she didn't know?:eek::eek: his behaviour.....

Valencia RUN RUN


that's not childminding homest:thumbsup:

margaret
12-09-2012, 06:30 AM
End the contract now,it will not get any better.

Ripeberry
12-09-2012, 07:04 AM
I'm with everyone else..RUN! If after a half day of school even the teachers think there is a problem then it must be quite serious!
Can't stand these lazy parents who don't discipline their kids and then expect everyone else to do it for them. :(

PerkyEars
12-09-2012, 07:25 AM
Agree, you need to ditch this as fast as you can. The consequences of this kind of thing can be serious.

I've had a similar experience (thankfully short as the family moved away), with two very manipulative twins.

Some time later their primary teacher came here to look for care, and when she saw it was their childminder she couldn't get out of the door fast enough, - which makes me think these kids had been telling lies about me to their teacher. :(