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View Full Version : At my wits end - UPDATE



butterfly
24-08-2012, 12:30 PM
Hi! Some of you will have read my original post in the Green members section regarding a problem I was having with a child who won't eat anything amongst other issues!

Well I have an update and I thought I'd put it here so that everyone could learn the lesson I have learnt this week about communicating with parents!

Despite me trying to bring this issue up with this particular set of very nice parents for the last 12 months I wasn't getting any where. It seemed like they were glossing over the problem, making it worse for their child and basically ignoring me! I felt like I was failing, like I was over reacting to a problem whoch no one else seemed to see!

HOWEVER, this week (at my wits end) I emailed the parents stating that I could no longer cope with these issues and that I had to have their help to proceed otherwise I may have to give notice.

Well I had a reply within 12 hours saying that they were so sorry that their child was causing so many problems. THEN they admitted that they had been to see a health visitor (and listed all the details of advice they were given regarding her eating!) and had visited a dentist (and gave me all those details).

They basically had been sitting on that information for at least 3 months - information that would have made my life, the lives of all the other children in the setting and most importantly the life of their own child 100% easier!!

I am completely at a loss why they didn't feel the need to share the info - they are a lovely family who are just a bit dizzy!

Well lesson learnt - from now on I will be more forceful in asking questions and getting information from parents!

The Juggler
24-08-2012, 12:46 PM
Hi! Some of you will have read my original post in the Green members section regarding a problem I was having with a child who won't eat anything amongst other issues!

Well I have an update and I thought I'd put it here so that everyone could learn the lesson I have learnt this week about communicating with parents!

Despite me trying to bring this issue up with this particular set of very nice parents for the last 12 months I wasn't getting any where. It seemed like they were glossing over the problem, making it worse for their child and basically ignoring me! I felt like I was failing, like I was over reacting to a problem whoch no one else seemed to see!

HOWEVER, this week (at my wits end) I emailed the parents stating that I could no longer cope with these issues and that I had to have their help to proceed otherwise I may have to give notice.

Well I had a reply within 12 hours saying that they were so sorry that their child was causing so many problems. THEN they admitted that they had been to see a health visitor (and listed all the details of advice they were given regarding her eating!) and had visited a dentist (and gave me all those details).

They basically had been sitting on that information for at least 3 months - information that would have made my life, the lives of all the other children in the setting and most importantly the life of their own child 100% easier!!

I am completely at a loss why they didn't feel the need to share the info - they are a lovely family who are just a bit dizzy!

Well lesson learnt - from now on I will be more forceful in asking questions and getting information from parents!

sorry to be negative honey but don't hold your breath :panic: if they have had all this info for 3 months - why are things not getting better???? They are not using it - deaf ears :panic::(


I knew a minder with a child who ate nothing but yoghurt and crisps :panic: They saw a harley street consultant. He gave them all the advice in teh world but still he got sent to CM with 6 yoghurts and crisps every day. What can you do.

I would be very firm with mum and dad that this info is great but they need to be on board with it :)

good luck honey x

Rosy Days
24-08-2012, 03:04 PM
Hiya, hopefully it will get sorted now x

Can I ask what information the HV gave? The only reason I am asking is my little boy is a very fussy eater (I have posted about this before) and will refuse to try new foods (he's 2). I've followed advice, all sitting at the table, no snacks etc but it doesn't really seem to work and I am mindful that the older he gets the more deep rooted it might become. I'm seeing the HV in September but I worry constantly about him, I'm unsure whether there is more to it than just being fussy. He is very active and not at all small/underweight. (He had a very strong reflux as a baby and when I started him on solids he constantly gagged and was sometimes sick after I had fed him, I took him to the docs but they didn't seem to worried as long as he wasn't loosing weight). He isn't sick now after eating but any tips would be great, thanks. Sorry feel like I have sabotaged your thread now! :)

AliceK
24-08-2012, 03:45 PM
Hiya, hopefully it will get sorted now x

Can I ask what information the HV gave? The only reason I am asking is my little boy is a very fussy eater (I have posted about this before) and will refuse to try new foods (he's 2). I've followed advice, all sitting at the table, no snacks etc but it doesn't really seem to work and I am mindful that the older he gets the more deep rooted it might become. I'm seeing the HV in September but I worry constantly about him, I'm unsure whether there is more to it than just being fussy. He is very active and not at all small/underweight. (He had a very strong reflux as a baby and when I started him on solids he constantly gagged and was sometimes sick after I had fed him, I took him to the docs but they didn't seem to worried as long as he wasn't loosing weight). He isn't sick now after eating but any tips would be great, thanks. Sorry feel like I have sabotaged your thread now! :)

I had the same problem with DD. She had a lot of problems as a baby which resulted in severe reflux too. From the age of 1 until she was 3 she honestly never ate a proper meal. I got so stressed I would cook 3 meals a night to try and make her eat. In the end I spoke to her clinical psychologist who after I had given her a list of the foods that she would eat (believe me it wasn't much, mainly just chips and yogurt) she told me not to stress. Give her what everyone else was having, if she doesn't eat then fine take it away and don't talk about it. DD's change came when she started at school nursery at the age of 3 (big girls go to nursery :)). She's nearly 5 now and although still fussy she does eat. Not always all her dinner and she's quite slow but she eats at least half of any meal put in front of her. So, don't stress and don't pander to your DS. Be matter of fact. It will get better.

xxx

The Juggler
24-08-2012, 03:49 PM
Hiya, hopefully it will get sorted now x

Can I ask what information the HV gave? The only reason I am asking is my little boy is a very fussy eater (I have posted about this before) and will refuse to try new foods (he's 2). I've followed advice, all sitting at the table, no snacks etc but it doesn't really seem to work and I am mindful that the older he gets the more deep rooted it might become. I'm seeing the HV in September but I worry constantly about him, I'm unsure whether there is more to it than just being fussy. He is very active and not at all small/underweight. (He had a very strong reflux as a baby and when I started him on solids he constantly gagged and was sometimes sick after I had fed him, I took him to the docs but they didn't seem to worried as long as he wasn't loosing weight). He isn't sick now after eating but any tips would be great, thanks. Sorry feel like I have sabotaged your thread now! :)



don't make a big deal is the best advice honey. as long as he has energy and skin/hair is good don't worry. They won't starve themselves. So dont' be afraid to say no treats if meal is not eaten. Just give VERY small portions of balanced meals, so they can achieve eating all/most of a meal. Stick to what they like even if it's boring as long as it's healthy and balanced.

My ds ate nothing but cereal, fishfingers with mash with either sweetcorn or spinach hidden in the mash and banana for fruit for a year when he was 2 :laughing::blush: but it was fairly balanced as a diet.

Just say have you finished, clear the plate and offer fruit or if they've done well, fruit and then a pudding :)

miffy
24-08-2012, 04:25 PM
If you haven't seen any change in this child in the last 3 months then surely the parents aren't following the advice they've been given anyway.

Fair enough they've now shared the information with you but will they act on it as well? Otherwise I think you're going to find things even more frustrating than they have been so far.

Sorry, that sounds really negative and I don't mean to be. Here's hoping they begin to work with you now.

Miffy xx

ChocolateChip
24-08-2012, 04:41 PM
Butterfly, aren't you tempted to still give notice? In a way doesn't that make it worse that they actively kept that information from you, rather than just burying their heads in the sand?
Angry for you, hope the lo starts to sort herself out soon x




don't make a big deal is the best advice honey. as long as he has energy and skin/hair is good don't worry. They won't starve themselves. So dont' be afraid to say no treats if meal is not eaten. Just give VERY small portions of balanced meals, so they can achieve eating all/most of a meal. Stick to what they like even if it's boring as long as it's healthy and balanced.

My ds ate nothing but cereal, fishfingers with mash with either sweetcorn or spinach hidden in the mash and banana for fruit for a year when he was 2 :laughing::blush: but it was fairly balanced as a diet.

Just say have you finished, clear the plate and offer fruit or if they've done well, fruit and then a pudding :)

Couldn't agree more.
I read something ages ago that says it's an instinctive kickback to caveman days that children will start to restrict what they eat as a survival mechanism, as that was around the age they would start wandering around picking berries etc and wouldn't know what was poisonous or not and are therefore naturally suspicious of a lot of foods. May sound weird but I think a lot of stuff harks back to caveman days, lol!

butterfly
24-08-2012, 05:31 PM
They are following the HV's advice because it was:

As long as the child continues to grow and takes multi-vitamins it's fine!

Basically the child should sit with the family at meal time and be offered a small portion of what everyone else is having plus something they do like (in this case marmite sandwich or garlic bread). When everyone else is finished take the uneaten food away without mention.

The child drinks 2 bottles of milk at breakfast time, 1 at 11am, 2 at tea time and another when going to bed. The 11am one and the bedtime one are basically to soothe them to sleep.

Whilst I don't agree with all the milk (why would the child eat solids if they can just have milk whilst wandering around?) and I definitely dont agree with bottles at 22mths (i have said they can have the milk in a beaker) the rest I will go along with. It seems to be more psychological/phobia type thing than really being naughty but I do think reducing the milk intake would help to encourage them to try some food as they will more hungry.

ChocolateChip
24-08-2012, 06:09 PM
No wonder she won't eat with all that milk, 2 bottles in one go??? :eek:
Good luck with that one :thumbsup:

The Juggler
24-08-2012, 06:46 PM
T

The child drinks 2 bottles of milk at breakfast time, 1 at 11am, 2 at tea time and another when going to bed. The 11am one and the bedtime one are basically to soothe them to sleep.



blimey no wonder there isn't any eating going on - poor child must be full to brimming over :panic::panic: