Advice re settling in

[cas2805]

Please help me, don't want to give up!

Parent contacted me in December to care for 2 year old boy. Loved me and my setting, but chose another CM because she already did the school run for the school that she wanted her son to go to this Sept.

Her daughter (15 months) started with said CM 3 months ago and Mum just contacted me asking for advice and she had heard that I had a vacancy. Her daughter "G" has been crying every time that Mum left, throughout the day and each time made herself sick and refused to eat. She wondered if I would be put off by this, but I saw it as a challenge! :blush:

I said I was happy to a trial settling in session to see how she is with me. G is term time only so not with CM at the moment, ideal time for testing the water with G. Well, as soon as Mum left G cried and was sick. Within 10 mins she stopped and was happily walking around playing. Unfortunately, I took this opportunity to visit the toilet and wash my (sick covered) hands so she started again, followed by sick. Not able to comfort her this time, I asked Mum to return.

Today I tried something else as Mum still really keen for me to take her. I went to their house, to see how she was there. She was fine with me playing with her and even sat right next to me. Mum then escaped to the kitchen, G got a little upset and followed her. 3 occasions, I managed to distract her and she carried on playing, though she was still very clingy to Mum. I asked if she had spoken to her health visitor and the HV asked if they could afford a nanny, to which Mum replied NO!

Have another session booked in for Thursday, really don't want to give up, so really looking for your advice. Please help, or tell me to give up.

Cas
(PS I don't understand why current CM hasn't done anything about this so far!)

[The Juggler]

oh that is a tough one, sounds like serious separation anxiety from mum and from you as primary carer when she is with you.

You WERE able to comfort her initially so that is a good sign. I think it is doable, depends how many other children you have to worry about - it will be hard work.

I had 2 like this (though didn't make themselves sick) but screamed the place down unless held. I sat on floor with them lots, spoke to them lots and when I moved I told them before I moved. Still provoked lots of screaming initially and took say 4-6 weeks with both of them. It was hard. I won't pretend I didn't have lots of tears, headache tablets and wine during that period :laughing: but it's worth it = they are both very confident and independent now.

I would ask mum to do more visits WITH the child if possible so she gets used to being at yours with mum, then get mum to pop out for a short while, then a longer period. See if you can find out what distracts her and initially if you need to go wash your hands take her with you and pop her right next to you on teh floor - she'll still scream probably but at least she will be reassured by seeing you.

Good luck honey

[cas2805]

Thanks, I will take her next time, learned by my mistake. I didn't tell her I was going, really should have. Told DS but not G! I am quiet at the moment, especially next 2 weeks, so have time to spend with her. As I said I don't want to give up!

[The Juggler]

Thanks, I will take her next time, learned by my mistake. I didn't tell her I was going, really should have. Told DS but not G! I am quiet at the moment, especially next 2 weeks, so have time to spend with her. As I said I don't want to give up!

good luck honey x

[miffy]

You did manage to settle her the first time at your house until you went to wash your hands so definitely worth persevering. I had a lo who had very strong attachment issues with mum (even dad didn't get much of a look in) and I did several visits where mum stayed before lo was left and it did take a few weeks for lo to settle.

Has lo got a favourite toy or comforter or even something just with mums scent on that she could have with her?

Good luck

Miffy xx

[cas2805]

Tried that Miffy, she hasn't got favourites, just wants to play with whatever brother has. She did bring a bag full of toys on her first session, we also played with the same toys today at her house, Will ask for them to come next week, hopefully she will remember me playing with them at her house!