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View Full Version : How do i tell a parent?!!



Claireabella7
15-08-2012, 12:22 PM
Afternoon all,

Any advice would be great please!!

Iv got a new mindee who started with me today, same age as my son, just 4 years.

She such a lovely little girl, and at times my DS has played lovely with her. However, at the best of times my DS has trouble managing anger and I actually struggle controlling his behaviour :mad: Anyway today, her first day, he has already hit her 3 times, for no apparent reason! Just that he gets cross because he doesn't want to share or whatever the problem is. Obviously I am mortified, how do I tell mum?! He hasnt hurt her bad, just upset and shocked her more than anything, and shocked myself! I feel disgusted with my own sons behaviour :blush:
I have been to the HV numerous times about his angry outburts and bahaviour, it worries me that a 4 year old can get so angry and he regularly lashes out at me kicking punching etc. But they don't suggest much other than the techniques I am already using. I don't want this to become a regular thing with mindees as it is not fair and I certainly wouldnt be happy with someone bullying my child. I am so angry, I just dont know what to do!!! :angry:

Thanks, Claire

~Grasshopper~
15-08-2012, 12:34 PM
hi

i have a 5 year old boy who last week bit an 8 year old mindee. god was i upset with him.

i would tell the new girls mum that there has been an altercation and that you have dealt with it and assure her that you will be making sure you speak to your son and will not leave them alone together.

i would have a talk with your son and explain that you must work to pay your bills and buy nice things and your work is looking after other children, he is very lucky to have his mum with him. my son has been told if i have to go back to work he will have to attend the after school club (its horrid) and wont see us as much. prob mean but it keeps him in check :laughing:. my son has a sticker chart and he is earning stickers for a big day out treat.

i tend to send him to his room alone if he isnt playing nice. I also think you should take your son with you if you need to leave the room until he can earn your trust.

best of luck hun

x

hectors house
15-08-2012, 12:43 PM
Did you have any settling in sessions with this child in your home, you say your son has played with her before but was this at your house or on neutral ground? - maybe he is jealous of her being in his space and taking time away from his mum. I had similar thing happen once when new mindee started immediately with no settling in sessions and a mindee who I had looked after from a baby felt threatened by the new child.

Claireabella7
15-08-2012, 01:35 PM
Thanks for the replies ladies.

No had no settling in. They are both due to go to reception in september so have played with each other just the one time at the school settling in afternoon. I meant they have played lovely together the majority of today, just the odd occasion he has to spoil it. Thankfully she is a very caring and forgiving child and has held no grudge when he has apologised.

Yes will explain that to mum. We do a reward chart at the mo, and he has a treat at the end of the week, although it has no effect when I remind him he will be getting no treat at the end of the week if he misbehaves.

I have had 2 other mindees that started in May with me, and he is the same with them, although has not hit out - yet - he can be pretty mean in other ways, snatching toys, not speaking nicely, annoying them generally etc. Thinking about giving up minding if I'm honest, this being the main reason!! :( Just makes me so sad because I'm finding each and every day such a challenge and feel like the majority of my time and energy is spent on my son rather than the children, but only in a negative way. I praise him to the high heavens constantly when he is being good, but that doesn't seem to make any difference, if he in the wrong mood thats it and nothing can be done about it! It's such a shame because he can be such a lovely and kind boy when he wants. I'm wondering if school will do him some good in terms of boundaries and discipline - I sure hope so!!

LChurch
15-08-2012, 02:41 PM
It is so hard, I have problems with my dd too although on the whole she is good with the mindees she can get silly, i try to have one day a week where I don't work although this week hasn't worked out hasn't worked out and I have a migraine so it has been hard work, my dh was working til 9 last night, something that never happens and I was so pleased when mindee left as I was feeling so horrible! I put the kids dinner on adn then took it out of oven served up (pizza and chips!) and then told them I had to go to bed so they would have to sort themselves out, normally they don't get tv programs after 5.30 but last night they did! They behaved themselves so well last even when I called dd to bed she came up did what I told her to do and was for once a good dd going to bed! I have to say she is very well behaved at school and friends but at home she can be a handful, running off etc. When she was on her school trip it was commented how beautifully behaved she was not running off or anything, I was quite surprised I have to say!!! It is hard but whe they say that you are the best mummy in the world it does make up for the feeling guilty that we are working at home etc and perhaps can't always do the things that other kids do in the holidays etc but at least we are at homje with them! Big hugs. I am always honest about the kids and will apologise to parents if mine have been naughty or horrible towards their children! Just give them the attention and make sure they know that they are loved etc and that you are there for them, he may not like it and may be reacting a bit but it will change as he goes to school. YOu will have a break from him and probably find it easier to handle him!

sarah707
15-08-2012, 05:17 PM
Maybe look for term time work for a while... and ask for more support with your son to help manage his anger.

Hugs xx

hectors house
15-08-2012, 07:36 PM
Speaking to parents of other 4 year olds heading off to school in Sept - they are all getting too big for their boots, having out grown Nursery - they need to go to school and be the little fish in a big pond again, hopefully this will be the case for your son and he can sort out his temper flare ups.

mushpea
15-08-2012, 08:01 PM
My son has trouble managing behaviour, he was diagnosed with ADHD and traits of aspergers, we had a child who, at first, he got on great with and they were the best of friends, child was 2yrs younger than mine, then the child found ways to wind my son up and because my sons actions work quiker than his brain he would get very angry and lash out then wwhen he eventualy calmed down he would get upset at his behaviour, in the end we decided it was best if child went to a new minder and my son was a changed child.
I have found that having boys around his age dosent suit him so I tend to stick to either girls or boys that are much younger than him, he is fab with the littlies and so caring with them.
what I am trying to say is that you may find because they are similar age he feels more like he is in competition for you than if the child was younger. you may find you have to pick and choose children to fit in with him.

lorettacritchet
16-08-2012, 07:33 AM
I do kind of understand where you are. My 3 year old can be hard work when I am minding. She is absolutely brilliant with any kids who are older than her and who don't intentionally wind her up but then there are those certain toys that she won't share and she causes me to get very frustrated with trying to get her share, taking toys off other children when she doesn't want them to have it, although sometimes she does me a favour when the young babies grab barbies and chew on them! I won't cut down on my care as I don't really do that much but also need the money, my primary reason being that my lo has to learn how to share too and she will need to when she goes nursery. I am calling it her pre learning to nursery attendance. :panic:


Afternoon all,

Any advice would be great please!!

Iv got a new mindee who started with me today, same age as my son, just 4 years.

She such a lovely little girl, and at times my DS has played lovely with her. However, at the best of times my DS has trouble managing anger and I actually struggle controlling his behaviour :mad: Anyway today, her first day, he has already hit her 3 times, for no apparent reason! Just that he gets cross because he doesn't want to share or whatever the problem is. Obviously I am mortified, how do I tell mum?! He hasnt hurt her bad, just upset and shocked her more than anything, and shocked myself! I feel disgusted with my own sons behaviour :blush:
I have been to the HV numerous times about his angry outburts and bahaviour, it worries me that a 4 year old can get so angry and he regularly lashes out at me kicking punching etc. But they don't suggest much other than the techniques I am already using. I don't want this to become a regular thing with mindees as it is not fair and I certainly wouldnt be happy with someone bullying my child. I am so angry, I just dont know what to do!!! :angry:

Thanks, Claire

vals
16-08-2012, 09:11 AM
I have been minding for 16 years,the hardest time was when my children were a similar age to the main mindees.I worked hard at keeping things separate eg. my children's toys stayed upstairs in their bedrooms, the minded toys were downstairs.
The problem with stickerey /reward charts can be that if they loose that weeks reward, there is no incentive for the rest of the week. unless its an ongoing chrt rather than one to the end of the week.
I have found that a time out is the most successful way of dealing with problem behaviour, mainly because its instant so easier for a child to relate the punishment to what they did wrong.