Feel deflated and fed up!

[Jayse74]

The summer holidays have barely kicked in and both my dw and myself feel as if we are doing something wrong. All the younger mindee's are fine, you can take them out on outings and do lots of activities indoor's, outdoor's etc.

We were asked to have two brothers, one of whom is an after schoolie once a week and isnt perfect but does behave and is the youngest of the two. So far 3days and it has been hell! The older lad has the most foul mouth I have ever heard. Im not an angel and I was a pita to my parents when I was young but I was never like this lad. He is at the age where puberty starts kicking in and I expect odd crass/crude words but what we are getting is offensive aswell as innaproriate. He will use words in context and then string them together into really sick comments and sentances. We have tried everything from setting bounderies to pulling the mum aside. Nothing is getting through and the mum does not seem to care, only trying to make us feel bad by letting her down if we refuse to have them.

Today we took them to a mueseum along with a younger mindee and they just played up non-stop, they didnt care about anything that was in the place and just fought each other most of the time which ruined it for the rest of us, they just didnt respond to rules or consequences. One of them even broke something on the way which was not good at all and made us all look terrible, my dw wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. Weve never had mindee's like this and now we are being leaned on as we have had a enougth, we cannot put up with this for the rest of the holidays. Are we wrong by refusing to have them? we do not have a contract with the parent.
Also the child has no statement or disorder so could this be boredom? We have lots of recources but all he wants is computer games but we tend to avoid that stuff. If that is the case then he really should be in some club doing swimming, climbing, kayaking that kind of thing. We have even suggested this to the parent but its a no go?

EDIT: Contract is only for youngest boy for after shool care whilst in term time.

[BucksCM]

I would refuse to care for this child any more.
It's becoming detramental to the younger children in your care. I know if I was a parent of a younger child I would not be happy.
The mum is "make us feel bad by letting her down if we refuse to have them." because I think she knows that she's not got many options for this child.
We can have older children but not if it's detramental to the care of children with in the EYFS.
Get rid:thumbsup:

[karensmart4]

Oh no poor you, you can't have this sort of thing going on it's too draining for you and is a very bad influence on younger ones.

I think you are going to have to be strong and tell parents that because of the language and behaviour you can't continue, you can say that you think the children are too old for your setting and you think they will be happier at a sports scheme (if you have any in the area) or something similar. If you are brave enough you could say that you will have them for the rest of the week while they sort something.

Best wishes to you and I hope it gets sorted soon so you can enjoy the rest of the holidays.

[mushpea]

it could be bordem but could also be a bit of rebellion, he may not like the idea of being with a childminder at his age , have you tried talking to him about his behaviour, ask him why he dose it and what could you do to make him feel more at home with you.
prehaps places like parks and woodlands would be more suited to him if he is livley , maybe some responsiblitys to make feel more grown up and older activities that are just for him to do away from the younger ones.

or failing all of that beat the stress and tell mum it just isnt working out, prehpas you could gently suggest some holiday clubs that you know provide activities for his age and say that whilst your happy to have the younger child you feel that a holiday club is more suited to him. put it in such a way that she thinks its benifiting him and her so she dosent think you are trying to get rid of him.

[Jayse74]

We both think it is boredom and rebellion so have been doing alot of outings to parks and big open spaces/fields, the weather has been great these last few days so we took advantage of it! We grabbed some play equipment, scooters, bikes, football, table tennis etc. Pitched up and had lunch on each day. But the same outcome! the lad was rude, made other parents get a little moody, hurt the youngest brother alot. We have tried asking him his views. We asked him if he understands the stuff he his saying and had mixed answers but he clearly knows the meaning of what he saying. We have also got mixed answers regarding if he really wants to be with a childminder. We have also tried to make him feel more at home but seems unable to grasp it or want to get involved even if it means he is being included. It seems as if we are banging our heads against a wall.

I really do think he is too old for the setting and wants 100% freedom. I dont know how much freedom the parent gives him, she is a single mum aswell so I assume having no second parent around doesnt help matters.

[Bushpig]

I'd give notice with immediate effect... the child is a terrible influence to have around the younger kids, and you don't need to have to deal with this, frankly. I would NEVER put up with such a huge disruption on a daily basis. The other children in your care need to be kept safe from verbal abuse/breaking stuff etc.

[ChocolateChip]

As you have tried a few things to sort this out with no results I'd be terminating now if it was me :(

[merry]

I would give immediate notice too, if I was a parent of one of the younger children I wouldn't be too impressed at what my children were being exposed to. The mother of this child is the one who should be feeling 'bad', if my children behaved like that I would be mortified!

:)