View Full Version : to tell or not?

16-07-2012, 07:54 PM
mindee 4yrs has is moving home and wont be with me by september, this has been ongoing since January time and i live on edge each week waiting for the notice to be given, its not their fault as the people who are dealing with the house move keep mucking them around so they havent been given a moving date which means i havent know when she will definatly leave.
mindee 3.5yrs is having their last day with me wednesday as he's term time only so will be back in september.
these 2 are best of friends and have been together for just over 2years,, 3yrolds parents are very good and have realised he will be upset and are likley to talk to hiim and explain 4yrold wont be comming anymore so I can support him with this but with the 4yrold it hasnt even crossed their mind she will be upset when she dosent see him anymore, so do I talk to her wednesday and explain that this will be her last play day with him and gently tell her that she wont be seeing him anymore or do I just not say anything as I dont want to upset her , I dont know which is worse upsetting her by telling her she wont be seeing him anymore (obviously gentler than that) or just not telling her but then she will be expecting to come each day.

16-07-2012, 07:57 PM
Ooh difficult one, I think I would start by talking to the parents first and asking them how they want to play it. They are probably so wrapped up in the house move it hasn't crossed their minds. Personally I always think children manage things better when you explain them but I would check with the parents first. Hope that helps and good luck.

Sam x

16-07-2012, 08:04 PM
I have tried talking to the parents on several ocasions as I know how close these two are but they dont seem to 'get it' , they keep brushing it off, I am sure they think she wont be affected but it all, poor kids gonna loose her friends, start a new school and move home all in a couple of months, I know she will make new friends and kids bounce back but they really havent thought ahead to how any of this will affect her.

16-07-2012, 08:13 PM
Ok, if they are unresponsive I would be tempted to tell them that you are going to talk to her about it as the other LO is going to be upset and his parents are talking to him about it. That way you can suggest the reason for the discussion is the other LO not their child, but it means you can start to manage the situation. Does that make sense? Hope that helps.

Sam x

16-07-2012, 08:17 PM
From experience, children of that age adapt to change a lot more easily than adults and get over separation much quicker

Even if you try explaining that they won't see each other after mindee finishes for the summer on Wednesday, it won't mean the same to them as it would to an adult. The mindee who is moving will get used to the other one not being there after Wednesday. I'd just leave it at that.

karen m
16-07-2012, 09:19 PM
I agree with Mouse,i have had lo leave and after the first/second day of not being there others just get on with it.

17-07-2012, 05:57 AM
i would just make it a special day together, maybe make each other a little best friend card to keep and not mention it.

kids adapt so quickly, its not worth upsetting them. when i took ds1 out of his childminders so go on mat leave with ds2 i was so worried but he didnt bother at all.


17-07-2012, 06:09 AM
My son is starting school in September and the children that come on the days he is here love him - it will leave a big gap and of course I am more sensitive to it because I am going to miss him too! Perhaps you could mention to the child that they won't see them for a little while - they probably won't understand never again and I think children will get on and adapt.

17-07-2012, 08:50 AM
It is hard but I must confess when we moved 8 years ago as parents we made the whole thing as simple as possible and didn't make a big deal of things with our children. Both were moving school and there were a large number of friends they would leave behind. Some we stayed in contact with and some not.

I had two families leave me last year and the three children had been with me for 5yrs , 4.5yrs and 2.5yrs. Fortunately their parents had become friends over the years as well, something I do encourage if I can and they have been up to Scotland on holiday and the family in Scotland have been down and seen all of us and we have an open invitation to Scotland and it is lovely.

If the parents aren't this way inclined you have to support them and I would say don't make a big deal of it. I wouldn't say anything to the child about it being her last day just let her go and let her parents deal with it.

To be honest the 3.5yr old will have prob forgotten about it all by the time they come back in Sept.

It is a shame but it is life.

17-07-2012, 09:26 AM
it's ds's last day at nursery today, most of his friends are going to a different school so he won't see them again. If I talked to him about it he would probably get really upset so I've just told him it's his last day today and hope he has a nice day with his friends.
Hope I'm not judged for never thinking about how these things affect my children cos this morning I was really upset about him not seeing his best friends anymore and nearly cried at nursery :blush: but just had to carry on as though it's a normal day so he didn't get upset.

I would maybe just have a small tea party together and have a fun day and just say it's x's last day without a big fuss.