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View Full Version : Help needed and fast for a challenging 3 year old



Beccles26
13-07-2012, 06:08 PM
I look after a 3 year old for two days a week, he is 90% of the time a lovely little boy, but the other 10% can be very challenging. He told me today, sorry i should say he screamed and me arms and legs kicking "I hate you i am going home I dont care what you say i am not eating my dinner" he had me in tears today as to how he was.
He is very fussy about what he eats and will regularly throw his food on the floor, he screams and shouts when he is told no and doesnt listen, he is like this with family as well as myself. Any advice on what I could do to help make my days a little easier would be appreciated. :(

md0u0131
13-07-2012, 07:23 PM
Has he always been like this or is a new development?

I would, really praise the good things, reward charts, verbal praise the works. Tactfully ignore the bad things where you can.

With food - he's old enough to get involved in helping to make food, give plenty of time and let him help you in the kitchen. Again ignore the screaming etc if possible.

Also, keep parents informed - he needs a consistent approach.

Beccles26
13-07-2012, 07:26 PM
he has always not liked sharing or not getting his own way, but this week has been the worse and seems to have gone down hill fast. :mad: he is very spoilt

cathtee
13-07-2012, 08:33 PM
he has always not liked sharing or not getting his own way, but this week has been the worse and seems to have gone down hill fast. :mad: he is very spoilt

That last piece of your statement says it all, if i can't get my own way then i will scream and shout until i do, praise the good things and try and ignore the bad and hopefully he will learn that good behaviour is more acceptable:thumbsup:

Helen Dempster
13-07-2012, 08:35 PM
I know it's hard, but try to stay in control and focussed. Ignore the negative behaviour as much as you can. Have you tried calling his bluff when he says he won't eat his dinner? Just say "ok" (calmly) and take it away. I've done this before and 9 times out of 10 they say they want it then! lol

If he's spoilt at home, I think you need to bring in the parents to have a 'little chat', cos otherwise I think you'll be fighting a losing battle.

Beccles26
13-07-2012, 08:47 PM
I know it's hard, but try to stay in control and focussed. Ignore the negative behaviour as much as you can. Have you tried calling his bluff when he says he won't eat his dinner? Just say "ok" (calmly) and take it away. I've done this before and 9 times out of 10 they say they want it then! lol

If he's spoilt at home, I think you need to bring in the parents to have a 'little chat', cos otherwise I think you'll be fighting a losing battle.

I have tried the whole "ok thats fine i will put it in the bin" to which he just replies "ok then i dont care"

His parents want to come in and discuss it, i just dont know what to say to them.

cathtee
13-07-2012, 10:13 PM
If the parents come in I would ask them how they deal with his behaviour, and how they react to not wanting the food that has been given. From there you can decide on a plan of action, it, I hope should be easier if you know how they deal with lo, and perhaps you will be able to advise them how to act when lo does things that they don't like. With them happy to share things with you I hope that you can help lo control his emotions:thumbsup:

Smiley
14-07-2012, 06:50 PM
I sympathise with you, I also have an extremely challenging 3 year old who screams. The noise is unbelievable often no trigger sometimes he doesn't react however another time he will explode! Working very closely with supportive parents, he only displays this behaviour with me and at home. Other childminders at local dropin have also tried to help but he likes an audience and I never know if he will be well behavioured or volatile. Very draining! :(

The Juggler
15-07-2012, 07:56 AM
def. get parents in hon.

as someone said, ask them how they deal with the not eating at home, telll them what you do.

tell them that the least fuss as possible and take it away is fine. the child won't starve himself :)

I would start by each meal offering choices. a choice of bread, filling (just one choice) what other bits he wants, so that he has acctually decided what to have.

If you do cooked lunches, ask him what his favorities are (within reason) and then when he makes a fuss tell him you know he likes these.

Tell parents he needs consistency at home and at yours with how you deal with him. if they want to meet it sounds like they would like some help. Why don't you contact your local children's centre and ask about parenting courses and then you could point them in the right direction. :thumbsup:

macherie
19-07-2012, 08:56 PM
As a mother of a very challenging 3yr old I know exactly what you're going through. My daughter has always been a screamer - she's not spoilt she is just extreme in everything she does, her 13yr old sister was eactly the same. I wouldn't assume the child is spoilt. Perhaps like my dd he can't help how he feels he just needs to learn how to take control of his emotions.

I have one rule NO SCREAMING or SHOUTING. When dd raised her voice to myself or the other children I made her stand outside the room until she calmed down - when she was younger i went with her and held her hand while she took deep breaths and we counted to ten. Now I simply point to the door and she goes out to sit on the hall mat where I can see her she has a good cry or whatever is needed to calm herself then she comes back in when she's ready and plays nicely as if nothing has happened. If she has an outburst when we're out I simply get down on her level and hold her hand and say quietly lets breathe (I count to ten over and over again until she calms down and counts with me).

As for the mealtimes, choice is good but it should be either/or. Eg I ask dd do you want the pink plate or the green one? Do you want pasta or rice? It lets them have some control. Also give lots of jobs - can you get pasta out of the cupboard, I need the biggest pot etc.

This worked with my 13yr old [she is still extreme in her emotions but she knows how to calm herself] and is working with my toddler. Be strong and persevere. Good Luck!