Toddler hitting - help please

[Hayley102]

Hi I have an 19 month LO who wont stop hitting other children. I have given time out when I have witnessed it, raised my voice to try and get message through to him but he wont stop! He hits everybody including me and an adult at local playgroup. I cant be next to him all the time and I am finding it really wearing. One of the other LOs now greats him with "hello don't hit me". I know it is probably his age but any advice would be welcome.

[Bridey]

He would get a firm NO and moved away from wherever he was at the time. The main thing is to be consistent and not ignore it at any time. You often see parents do that while they are talking to you!

EDIT: All he would get was the NO. No eye contact, no chatting, no distraction - just a NO and moved away.

[Tealady]

In what circumstances does he do this? and what age are your other LO's?

My son used to do this. He found the reaction he got entertaining.

After explaining doing the usual things he did understand he shouldn't do it but still liked the reaction. In the end we just ignored it. If he hit me I'd just ignore it. He hit his sister (5) and my mindee (7) and I got them just to walk away. I had a little mindee 10mth younger than my DS so if he got hit I would just scoop up and make a fuss of the mindee totally ignoring my son. The behaviour stopped within the week.

However if your mindee is hitting for other reasons then the above won't be much good.

[Hayley102]

He hits all the time! My mindees are either age 2 or 3 years, then schoolies - yes he hits them too! He used to hit with toys in his hand but hasn't done that recently. I get a constant "X hit me" Sometimes I wonder if it has become a habit! He is that age when you aren't sure if he is understanding why I am cross!

[Bananabrain]

I have exactly the same problem, 'cept my mindee is 23m.
I am at a loss to be honest. I have tried the firm 'no' and moving him away from the situation.
We are at the stage where he is being deliberately provocative to get a reaction. He looks to see how people react. Sometimes even laughs.
I have him 4 days so it is getting quite wearing [along with other bad behaviour]
It concerns me that he can't play and is continually looking for adult input.
He is on hols for 2 weeks very soon, can't wait as it's getting quite tiresome.
I have seen him hit mum and tonight he kicked her. She barely says a word!
Will need to have a chat with mum, but what to say?

[hectors house]

I would carry on with the time out and if he doesn't stay where you put him for the allotted time, I would put a pushchair in corner of room facing into the room not the corner and put him in that each time out session - so he can see the others (children who don't hit each other) are allowed to play when he is not.

Other than that agree with don't make eye contact and make a fuss of child he has hit rather than him. Praise good behaviour (sometimes hard to spot sometimes) and maybe try a reward chart for everyone although he may be too young to get the concept.

It is a hard one, but needs nipping in the bud before another child is injuried or a parent complains.

[Bridey]

I have exactly the same problem, 'cept my mindee is 23m.
I am at a loss to be honest. I have tried the firm 'no' and moving him away from the situation.


You have to keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it. There is no magic instant cure I'm afraid. :(

[Helen79]

I would carry on with the time out and if he doesn't stay where you put him for the allotted time, I would put a pushchair in corner of room facing into the room not the corner and put him in that each time out session - so he can see the others (children who don't hit each other) are allowed to play when he is not.


I think 19months is too young for real time outs like this with set times. The time it takes to get him into the buggy (once he gets wise to it it could lead to tantrums and a battle to strap him in) is going to give him even more attention to him which is what he's looking for.

It's hard when there's other children needing your attention but I would shadow him as much as possible and take him everywhere with you if you need to leave the room. It means he gets positive one to one attention with you if he gets to be your little helper and keeps him out of mischief. If you need to make lunch or snacks then sit him at the table with you, if you need to do nappies then he sits next to you in charge of the wipe packet.

[tulip0803]

I think 19months is too young for real time outs like this with set times. The time it takes to get him into the buggy (once he gets wise to it it could lead to tantrums and a battle to strap him in) is going to give him even more attention to him which is what he's looking for.

It's hard when there's other children needing your attention but I would shadow him as much as possible and take him everywhere with you if you need to leave the room. It means he gets positive one to one attention with you if he gets to be your little helper and keeps him out of mischief. If you need to make lunch or snacks then sit him at the table with you, if you need to do nappies then he sits next to you in charge of the wipe packet.

I agree with Helen - 19 months is too young for time out they do not understand it and do not link it to the unwanted behaviour. You do need to be with him all the time and often you can see a look that they give just before they hit and you can step in and stop it. It is going to take time and consistency but if you shadow and stop him before he starts hitting he will stop.

Also give him plenty of praise when he is playing nicely and not hitting - good boy for playing nicely, good boy for not hitting x etc. By getting positive attention when being good he will not look for a reaction by doing something like hitting.

[dette]

i disagree.i have a 19mnth old who started hitting other kids this week.i put on the time out step 3 times on monday..told him no in a big firm voice,explained that he had hurt x y or z and now they needed a kiss better.he hasnt hit since.he is very bright for his age but he definitly understood

[JCrakers]

Down to his level, firm no and take him away from the situation. We do not hit and then distract with another active

It's a very common stage and just needs consistency. You just have to be on the ball and every time he hits you need to do the same thing...tiring but you'll get there :D