18 month old toddler bit the other mindee and drew blood !

[tetti]

This is not the first time this boy has bitten the other toddler,he also bit me on a previous occasion.
I did speak to his mother regarding both incidents,and it turned out that he bites her at home (something she seemed to find funny and entertaining...yes,seriously)
I sent her various links on how to dicourage this behaviour,and the issue seemed to be solved,or so I thought.
Today we sat reading,one boy on each side of me,when this boy suddenly lunged at my other mindee and bit him so hard that he drew blood!Within minutes the other boy had a large bruise and the area swelled up.
I informed his parents naturally as soon as they arrived (I did not call them as it was literally 5 mins until collection time),and spoke with the mother of the "biter" again.She said that he bit her again the other day (she never mentioned this to me until now),and she said "it's just normal behaviour !"
,but I cannot tolerate this happening again.The "biter" was calm and seemed perfectly happy,so I could not have predicted this at all.
Have any of you been in a similar position ? Have you got any advice on how to handle this type of situation ? Diciplining (supernanny style,looking him in the eyes,and saying NO in a low and firm tone of voice) does not help at all.
I want the other parents to feel safe in the knowledge that their child will not be harmed whilst in my care,and I feel like I have failed them today.

[sarah707]

If you don't get support from parents at home then it will make your job so much harder :(

You need to watch him like a hawk, take him with you if you go out of the room, keep yourself between him and other children... do everything to keep the others safe.

At the same time do lots of sharing activities to teach him about appropriate touch and use the same techniques as you have mentioned in your post - they will work eventually if everyone follows the same words etc.

Hugs xx

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

I personally think it is normal behaviour (both my dc's were biters) IMO its the same as hitting or kicking but unfortunately causes more damage, but an 18 month old will not realise this, they are just talking out their frustrations.

I agree with Sarah you have to watch him like a hawk and try to recognise behaviour which causes it so you can jump in.

I know its not much comfort now but he will grow out of it.

When my dc's bit other children I was made to feel like the worse mother in the world by other parents, and that my lo's were ill disciplined children, thankfully now I realise its just part of childrens development

[LittleLegsCM]

I have a biter too, he's bitten his older brother quite a few times, me twice and my own son once too :( luckily on the occasions he's tried to bite 2 other mindees I've got there just in time to stop it but he is exactly the same as you described your mindee, could literally be happy as larry, playing not a care in the world and within a second he'll turn and launch himself at the closest person!

Unfortunately I have no words of advice as I have the same crappy responses from his parents (oh he's tired, oh he's not feeling 100% etc etc!) but jut wanted to say I know how crappy it makes you feel :(

My mindee & parents have basically been put on a last warning now as its really getting me down so much (an they aren't helping me in anyway to try & stop it) so if he does it again I won't be accepting him after the 6 weeks holidays.

Hope you get it solved one way or another hun x

[tetti]

Thank you for your advice everyone :)

I certainly will have to watch him like a hawk.I am just so concerned as a few years back,my girl was bitten by a boy (not one of my mindees) and the bite was so bad that the GP thought she had been attacked by a dog ! She had to have a tetanus jab and was prescribed antibiotics,it really was pretty horrendous.I heard back from the parents of the boy who got bitten (I enquired how he was doing as I was concerned as it looked so bad) ,and the area's swelled right up and he hasn't stopped crying.Of course they are not blaming me or the other child,but yes,I still feel guilty that he got harmed.

The mother of the biter also got in touch,she said that he likes to bite for fun,and that she can't keep a serious face when he does it (not the attitude she needs to have) and maybe he did it as he needed to have a poo? (no,I don't think so)

Had his parents been more co-operative,it would certainly have helped,but if they do not discourage this kind of behaviour at home ,then how will he learn that this behaviour is not acceptable here ?

[chibault]

This parent needs a wake up call. Yes kids do bite, it's common. My child bit and was bitten, but it doesn't mean it's funny or in anyway acceptable.

I would suggest you talk to this parent in an official way. Invite them around without their child. Not sure if you can take a photos of the wound and show them without identifying the child bitten. Explain this child was in tears and pain.

I would ask them to sit and come up with way to solve this together. You both make suggestions, you write them down, no matter what they are. Then go over them and decide which are acceptable to both.

Saying very firmly to offending child:
people are not for biting
I cannot let you hurt --------

request the parent to supply teethers and give these to him throughout the day.

Explain to the child if they want to bite they can use a teether and leave them somewhere easy to access.

I know the children are 18 months old but it's worth keeping this up. They will begin to respond if it's consistent at home and in your setting.
Good luck,
Becky x

[Bridey]

I think I would be finding myself looking into the eyes of the biter's parent and tell her in a low Supernanny voice that NO, it is NOT funny and NOT acceptable.

[BucksCM]

I think I would be finding myself looking into the eyes of the biter's parent and tell her in a low Supernanny voice that NO, it is NOT funny and NOT acceptable.

LOL!! YES, exactly what I'd be doing!!!

[AliceK]

Thank you for your advice everyone :)

I certainly will have to watch him like a hawk.I am just so concerned as a few years back,my girl was bitten by a boy (not one of my mindees) and the bite was so bad that the GP thought she had been attacked by a dog ! She had to have a tetanus jab and was prescribed antibiotics,it really was pretty horrendous.I heard back from the parents of the boy who got bitten (I enquired how he was doing as I was concerned as it looked so bad) ,and the area's swelled right up and he hasn't stopped crying.Of course they are not blaming me or the other child,but yes,I still feel guilty that he got harmed.

The mother of the biter also got in touch,she said that he likes to bite for fun,and that she can't keep a serious face when he does it (not the attitude she needs to have) and maybe he did it as he needed to have a poo? (no,I don't think so)

Had his parents been more co-operative,it would certainly have helped,but if they do not discourage this kind of behaviour at home ,then how will he learn that this behaviour is not acceptable here ?

Yes it is a normal phase that lots of LO's go through BUT that does not make it acceptable or funny :panic:. In your situation I would make it clear to the parents that they must support you in this and make it clear to their child that it is NOT funny and not acceptable and that if they can't do this then for the safety of the other children I would be unable to continue to care for their child.
It's one thing having a child that bites and having the parents on board with helping but quite another to have parents who seem to think it's ok :angry:

xxxx

[tetti]

@Bridey,lol,I am very tempted to try that one out ! ;D

@chibault -I did show the mother of the biter a picture that I took of the bite.She could see how very bad it was (it really did look very nasty) and I told her child off in the way that you described,but he does not respond,he will not look me in the eye,and he will just laugh,or glare at me.

@AliceK -I totally agree with you.

The thing is,I have noticed that his behaviour has changed over the last few months,and I have told his mother of my concerns, but nothing I say seems to sink in.
If he hears any noise,he will immediately put his fingers in his ears,and if we go anywhere near a road,he will literally freak out,as the traffic and the noise seem to frighten him.
The other boy will happily go and help himself to toys and books,and interact with other children in other settings,but the biter (sorry to refer to him by that name,but it makes it easier,as you'll know who I am talking about) will never freely go and help himself to toys or interact with other children.
If I tell him in a very gentle voice "You can play with any toys you like sweetie",he will start crying.If you hand him any toys to encourage him to play,he will not even touch them,he will only sit and look at them.
He has become very introverted,and when I had the Ofsted inspector around here,she could clearly see this,but she said "Oh,it's just a phase!I would not be concerned",but it DOES concern me.