Feel like giving up

[NicoleW]

I have only been registered a year but I feel like giving up.

I'm spending so much time planning and paperwork and my life revolves around school runs so much that I can't really get out anywhere.
I'm getting really stressed out and I feel really stressed all the time, I'm taking it out on my own family and it's not fair.

I'm not enjoying it anymore, but at the same time I'm going to find it really hard giving parents my notice and shutting down, admitting that I'm a failure :(

[pinkellifun]

You're not a failure! :panic:

I have to admit I am not in your shoes at present as I have recently registered and have no mindees at present. But I still know that it is a wonderful job even though the paperwork seems mountainous!

How many children do you have? What kind of paperwork do you do and when?

:group hug:

Hope others can help you out too.

[TooEarlyForGin?]

The first year can be the hardest until you get into a routine. Are there any children you could let go to make things a bit easier for a while?

Is it just a temporary bad patch or have you felt like this for a while? Do you know any other local minders, as it sometimes helps to have a chat, see how they run things, as it can be very lonely sometimes.

I hope you feel better soon, a nice long bank holiday weekend may help. :group hug:

[JCrakers]

Take a deep breath. Firstly you are not a failure

Now, I don't do written planning for each child..too much work. I still got a good from ofsted. I keep paperwork to a minimum and do it when the children are having freeplay. I don't let it eat into my evenings or weekend as this is my time.

When you say the school runs are taking over, how are they taking over? If so, why don't you just stick to the under 5s.

[Goatgirl]

Hi,
Sorry you're feeling down at the moment :(...

You are NOT a failure. Things have just managed to get out of control that's all :). Can you look at ways of cutting down the school runs? Or the paperwork?

My planning is very minimal. I don't write anything down in advance as I know things would change so it would be a big ol' waste of my time. We just do our thing, slightly adapted to accommodate children's changing interests, schemas or development stage.

Most of my paperwork is just incorporated into the daily diary sheets I give parents at the end of each day: 'we went to the park (planning), x enjoyed/achieved x activity(observation); I think we'll take a ball/try walking all the way/encourage turn taking etc next time (next steps and planning). Then I do an occasional 'extra' obs (roughly once a month, but nothing set in stone).

Diary sheets have room for parents feedback and info from home. Diary sheets go into a ring binder along with occasional obs and how these link to eyfs areas and odd bits of art work that doesn't make it home or on to the wall.

Hope you can pare down one or both areas and manage to relax again soon :) :thumbsup:

Best wishes,
Wendy :)

[breezy]

Have you looked at the work you're doing? Could you cut down anywhere rather than give up?

Maybe do pre school children only, or term time only, anything really that relieves the pressure, or maybe you could not work say on a Friday and fit in paperwork then? Are you doing early starts or late finishes, you could shorten your hours? See if any changes could make a difference before giving up?

I dont spend much time on planning because it usually all goes out the window anyway!

I also simplified my paperwork as I was over complicating things!!!

In the meantime huge hugs, I think we all feel like this at times!

[EmmaReed84]

I know exactly what you are saying I am so close at times. I feel so lonely sometimes, I cannot ever get on top of all the paperwork despite my best intentions. I have two mindees 50 hours a week and although on a monday it is lovely to see them, by Friday I cam pleased to see them go, which I feel terrible about. This is my first year also and I am just about getting in to a routine... not paperwork wise yet, but groups, outings, play/school runs etc.

Hopefully things will get better, but if they don't imporve then I will have to find an alternative... Don't feel like a failure. If you do decide it is not for you then at least your tried it. You did not fail. The worst kind of person is someone who says "One day I will do X Y or Z" and they never do... at you did try something, and it not working for you does NOT make you a failure at all!!!

[BucksCM]

First of all YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!
OK, so the job isn't for you...but I bet if you were to ask the children in your care and the parents what they think of you, it would't be failure!!
I think it's about the time spent planning and doing paperwork that's getting you down?
Have you had a look through the sections on here, there is one on planning etc...maybe if you rejigged how you do all the paperwork...thin it down somehow? Would that help?
How about giving notice to a family? Not ALL....just 1 (or maybe2)...and doing less?
If you really want to finish then please don't think of yourself as a failure...childminding isn't the easiest job and doesn't always fit in with everyone. I have been doing it for 18 years and still love it but i have seen people come and go, more recently it's all about the extra paperwork...but you can work round it...if you do enjoy it...and have support around you.
I have seen the support on this forum for starters:D

Sorry, I'm rambling, if you've made your mind up, there's not much I can do.:ohdear:

[The Juggler]

oh hon, it takes a while to get in the swing and then you have up and down times. Nearly 8 years on and I get a bit like this every now and again. However, if you are feeling like this all the time and are not having good periods then its maybe time to consider something else.

sending a hug x

[NicoleW]

Been feeling like this for ages.

I drop my 6yo off at school at 9
Then I pick up a t 3 yo from a different nursery at 12
Pickup my 6yo from school at 3
Collections at 4:00 for my 18mo
Back to school at 4:15 to pick up two over 8's
Back home for 4:30 collection of 3yo


That is my working day. My over 8;s are as and when needs, I don't want to give them up cos I've had them since being registered and have a great relationship with mum who always promptly pays and tbh they are very easy as they go upstairs and play with my 6yo in her bedroom for an hour or so.

I want to give up my 3yo, but my partner is having a go at me saying I can't because we need the money. Money is more important to him you see than my health and wellbeing.

I can't remember the last day I didn't have a little cry to myself

[NicoleW]

I have my own 2 year old and 6 year old
I have an 18mo mindee, 3yo, 8yo and 11yo mindee.

Paperwork I do are obs, activity evaluations, photo obs as well as written ones, fire drill records, accident incident forms, medication forms, daily diaries, accounts, generally updating learning stories folder, risk assessments, planning, looking online for more activity ideas, rearranging my front room constantly to make the most I can out of the space for the children.
Nto to mention I am very far behind on my Level 3 CYPW which is supposed to finish in July and I dont' think I've even done half of it.

None of the kids sleep at the same time so I can't get on with paperwork because generally atleast one of them plays up when I try to do it

[The Juggler]

Been feeling like this for ages.

I drop my 6yo off at school at 9
Then I pick up a t 3 yo from a different nursery at 12
Pickup my 6yo from school at 3
Collections at 4:00 for my 18mo
Back to school at 4:15 to pick up two over 8's
Back home for 4:30 collection of 3yo


That is my working day. My over 8;s are as and when needs, I don't want to give them up cos I've had them since being registered and have a great relationship with mum who always promptly pays and tbh they are very easy as they go upstairs and play with my 6yo in her bedroom for an hour or so.

I want to give up my 3yo, but my partner is having a go at me saying I can't because we need the money. Money is more important to him you see than my health and wellbeing.

I can't remember the last day I didn't have a little cry to myself

That's awful hon :panic::( Right well looking at the above I think its what you are doing you need to change not your career ;)

You should not be back and fore to school like this. I refuse to after school club pick ups for older children. I would tell their parents that due to a negative impact on the smaller children due to back and fore to school all the time, you'll no longer be able to do pick ups later than normal school finish. :thumbsup:

[NicoleW]

On a friday, I've spoke to mum and we've agreed that the eldest can walk home by herself which is great, but the only problem is is that the eldest only does an afterschool club on the friday. It's the 8 year old that finishes nearly every day at 4:15 and I think she may be a bit too young to walk to mine (about 10 minutes, I've just moved to the next street to her house ).

[NicoleW]

Anyway, time for a school run with a double pushchair and a 3yo who cries the entire time because he's used to being driven everywhere. JOY

[Bridey]

Do you have the older ones in the holidays? If not, is it worth having them?

An alternative is to see if the parents can arrange for another parent to drop them off at yours. I too do not collect any children after 3pm as I have to many to make it comfortable to do so. I have two boys who are regularly dropped off to me from another school by a helpful parent. I also have the local headmistress drop off one of my LOs after his after-school club! :laughing:

Nicole - I had a quick peek through your old posts (was wondering where in Hampshire you were from) and spotted a post from only a few months back where you said your working day ended 4.30pm and how happy you were. I don't think its the job that is getting you - its the combination of children you are caring for and all the rushing about. Something needs to change as you can't go on like this. If its the 3 year old getting you down then, *** your partner (I'm single - does it show?!;)), hand in your notice and find another child who fits into your schedule a little better.

Just some suggestions!

EDIT: Please notice it was 3 stars, not 4 stars ... it wasn't THAT rude a word!! :blush:

[Goatgirl]

I can't remember the last day I didn't have a little cry to myself[/QUOTE]

That's awful hon :panic::( Right well looking at the above I think its what you are doing you need to change not your career ;)

You should not be back and fore to school like this. I refuse to after school club pick ups for older children. I would tell their parents that due to a negative impact on the smaller children due to back and fore to school all the time, you'll no longer be able to do pick ups later than normal school finish. :thumbsup:[/QUOTE]

I agree: it does seem to be the after school clubs collection time which is making things so stressful. I would do as juggler has suggested and say that you can not collect after normal pick up time from x/x/x.

It sounds as though your partner is being particularly un supportive too. Maybe a sit down and a heart to heart might help him understand how much your job is affecting you at the moment? :(

Hope it works out for you. And if you do really think you'll be happier working outside your home, there's no harm in looking around to see what jobs are about. It wouldn't make you a failure. It would make you a strong person who knows when to make a change for the good of her family. You need to be happy. You're important.

best wishes,
Wendy :)

[Goatgirl]

Yes: also agree with Bridey,
Apart from the rush after school, if the 3 yr olds behaviour is stressing you out and you can't find a solution then it is only fair to you and him that you give notice. Another mindee will come along. Maybe there are ways you could cut costs until that happens?

Your partner will just have to accept it :rolleyes:

[NicoleW]

I was actually quite happy with my two day a week 8:00 - 4:30pm days. Okay so we weren't rolling in the money but it was nice.

It's more the fact that the mum of the 3yo has asked me to have him and his brother in the holidays, whereas my other two day a weeker is only term time. And to be quite frank, his brother she wants me to have is 6 and is awful. I know I shouldn't say it but he is.

[Bridey]

You can say 'no'. I only work term times so I can spend the holidays with my own child (which is a bit of a lie now as he's nearly 15!). I charge a holding retainer.

Perhaps, could you cope with just the 3 yr old? Just say you only mind under 5's in the holidays. The older child can go to a play scheme where he can run around and cause as much havoc as he wants!

Don't feel bamboozled into doing something you don't want to if its going to make you unhappy. Life is too short x

[EmmaReed84]

Sorry but you need to sit down with your OH and spell it out to him, Tell him either you need to make some changes that may decrease your wage... or you continue on this path and end up in hospital with chronic fatigue, which happened to my brother, he was so ill because he was so stressed and over worked! Or you could end up like my MIL who one day completely snapped (weekend no mindees) and ended up having time off UNPAID and on anti-depressants.

I don't want to scare you, or say that will happen, but you need to think about yourself and your own health... and quite frankly so does your OH and stop thinking about the £££!

Really hope something works out for you hun... xxx

[JCrakers]

I think you're doing too much rushing about. I drop off at 850am and then pick up at 315. I do a preschool pickup on a thurs/fri at 3pm before walking to school for 315pm.

It sounds like you are doing too many pick ups and not enough time to enjoy your job
Why do you have to go back to school at 415? I always say no to school clubs because of this

[NicoleW]

Because I can't say no and I don't like letting down parents so I go out of my way to accomadate them

[Bridey]

Because I can't say no and I don't like letting down parents so I go out of my way to accomadate them

Then you are going to remain unhappy. Its up to you. You're not letting anyone down if you say 'no' to something that isn't in your contract!

[JCrakers]

Because I can't say no and I don't like letting down parents so I go out of my way to accomadate them

It's really hard to be firm isn't it but its your business, your rules. If something doesn't fit into your day then just let the parents know its not going to work :D
You will be happier if you are doing what you've chosen to

[EmmaReed84]

Because I can't say no and I don't like letting down parents so I go out of my way to accomadate them

Ok so I am going to apologise now if this comes out harsh, it is so hard trying to convey your tone via the written word... but here goes!

I am guessing as a mother you would do anything to ensure your children are happy and well cared for in a loving environment, and I am guessing you would beat down anyone who evert stood in the way of that regardless of who they are... Well by you pussy footinh around parents and giving in because you "can't say no" is going to make you ill, your kids will pick up on this and in turn begin to fill your stress and take that on... even if you cry away from them... tension is felt, not seen!

You NEED to put yourself, your kids, your family first... Who cares if you let a client down because you are not at their beck and call... yes they are your clients and they pay you to do a job, they do not pay you to stress yourself out! Again sorry for sounding harsh, but you need to grow a pair and learn to say no... if not for your own health, then for your children.

I have seen what this can do to a family... Again I am not trying to be horrible just don't want to see anyone this low and burned out!

[NicoleW]

Might see if I can find some velcro balls from Tesco to "strap on a pair"

.. Might get some for my OH too LOL


Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a bit better today and having a chat with the parent who has the after school club kids and tell her after this half term I can no longer pickup twice from school.

[Bridey]

Glad you are feeling better and are doing something positive to make things better for yourself. Childminding generally is a GREAT JOB and if you are not enjoying it then it is generally because something or someone isn't quite fitting into the equation. :)