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EmmaReed84
28-05-2012, 05:22 PM
I have this 3yr old mindee since Aug, he has never been a "big" eater, but he has never really been that fussy either. He has always eaten his dinner, maybe left a few mouthfuls which was fine.

However lately he just does not want to seem to eat, even things I know he like... lately it is bread, he will not eat sandwhiches or even toast often getting up to the table saying "I don't want that Emma!" Again even though I know he likes it. We have a wide variety of lunches so I know it is not boredem.

Today he left half his breakfast, had some snack at messys place (handful of raisens and a bit of apple, for lunch he had a ham sandwhich and didn't even eat bite, so I told him that was what we had for lunch and there was nothing else, if he didn't eat it then fair enough. Then on the school run he said he was hungry and wanted dinner... great!

I got home and made a pasta bake, which I KNOW he likes, he even has had 2nd helpings before! He got up to the table and said "No Emma, don't want it!" So I said, ok but there was nothing else, he got down from the table then 2-3 minutes later he said "Emma, where my pasta" so told him it was where he left it. He got back up to the table and said "No Emma, I don't want pasta!"

I told his Mum and she said the same as me.. Basically tough, I cannot afford to make him several different meals for him to just turn them down. He apparentely did it yesterday at a party, he asked for a ham pizza, then would not eat it, so his Mum said no cake and saw it through.

Any ideas on why he is just starting this, also what can I do? I am careful because I know we cannot refuse food, but what does that mean, he can say "I want cake, crisps, biscuits" and I HAVE to give in because we are not allowed to refuse? It is such a grey area! I literally cannot afford to make loads of different things... and quite honestly I wouldn't do it for my own children so why should I treat mindee any differently

Sorry for the long post :blush:

Bridey
28-05-2012, 05:43 PM
Where does it say we are not allowed to refuse a mindee food?

caz3007
28-05-2012, 05:46 PM
You arent refusing him food, he is refusing to eat it. I would continue to put things in front of him that you know he likes and then take it away if uneaten. Insist he stays at the table until the others are finished and then just take it away. Dont get stressed, just say 'oh well'. Dont offer him cakes, crisps etc. If a child doesnt eat its dinner, it gets offered fruit and thats it.

EmmaReed84
28-05-2012, 05:46 PM
I have seen posts on here before from someone who said that we cannot refuse a child any food, drink, etc. Drink I wouldn't anyway, but the food I did say that it was tough and he had to wait for dinner (Mum was fine with this and has had to do it herself) I just get so worried on what we can and cannot do. IYSWIM

caz3007
28-05-2012, 05:48 PM
I have seen posts on here before from someone who said that we cannot refuse a child any food, drink, etc. Drink I wouldn't anyway, but the food I did say that it was tough and he had to wait for dinner (Mum was fine with this and has had to do it herself) I just get so worried on what we can and cannot do. IYSWIM

This is what I would do. If he is hungry he will eat and you arent refusing to not give him any food, you are offering him food. Lots of us would refuse to feed a child just crisps and cakes

Bridey
28-05-2012, 05:50 PM
Water has to be readily available, I know that much. Anything else depends on what the parent is paying me for or supplying themselves. As Caz3007 says ... you're aren't refusing him food, he is refusing to eat it.

EmmaReed84
28-05-2012, 05:54 PM
So just so I am 100% clear on this. I am offering crumpets he says yes then he says he doesn't want it, he wants scrabbled egg on toast... I can refuse the scrabbled egg as I have already offered him something he said he wanted?

What about when I do my dinner, I plan for the whole week as I have to consider allergies on 2 days for one mindee. If mindee says he doesn't want bolognese earlier in the day, do I serve it up and say tough, or make him a while different meal?

caz3007
28-05-2012, 05:58 PM
If you know he eats the crumpets and the spag bol etc, then no thats what we would have to eat and so be it. I used to cook for loads of after schoolies and some where here only a couple of nights, I did work out my menus to take into consideration individuals likes and dislikes, but they got what they were given that day.

Sometimes I would get 'oh we had spag bol last night at home' it was a case of 'well you are getting it again' and mum used to day it didnt do them any harm.

I would say if you eat your crumpet today as I know you like them, then tomorrow we can have scrambled egg.

Edited to add: could you give him a choice at lunchtime, I do that sometimes, but only 2 choices

Tealady
28-05-2012, 06:10 PM
You've asked him if he wants it and he's said yes, then how are you refusing food? you are not, so don't worry.

If it is food he likes or has eaten in the past, that you are offering (or even if it is something new, in my opinion) you are not refusing him food, he just isn't eating it.

I provide all food. All children get offered the same. They get their "main/savoury" then a milk based pudding (yogurt, custard, rice pudding) and fruit. If they have eaten it all and are still hungry they get cheese and biscuits, If it is something completely new and they just didn't like it (but ate the bits they do) then they get cheese and biscuits too.

He may just be trying to exercise some control, or the heat may be getting to him and he just doesn't know what he wants when you are giving him a choice. I'd just give him smaller portions so there is less waste and then he can have seconds if you have any left.

Bridey
28-05-2012, 06:12 PM
What about when I do my dinner, I plan for the whole week as I have to consider allergies on 2 days for one mindee. If mindee says he doesn't want bolognese earlier in the day, do I serve it up and say tough, or make him a while different meal?

I feed up to 8 mindees a day. When they ask me what is for dinner I answer "food". There is no discussion and no negotiation. They find out what is on offer when its on the plate in front of them. I know what they like and what they dislike, I never give them what they dislike although they are expected to eat food that isn't 'their favourite'. Any messing about results in nothing more on offer apart from a piece of fruit.

Good behaviour and good eating (not necessarily clearing their plate but 'doing their best', especially if its a new food) results in ending the meal with the 'chocolate pudding' - generally a biscuit, small cake or fromage frais etc. I've been doing this for 12 years and have never had an issue with a child regarding food.

Helen79
28-05-2012, 06:45 PM
If hes never been a big eater it may just be the heat making him loose his appetite. The last few days all I've wanted to eat is ice lollies, oranges and drink water.
When the weathers like this I'm happy for the kids to be more relaxed with food aswell. Obviously I'm still offering healthy food but we've been eating lots of small snacks and light meals instead of cooked dinners.

Could you do a cold buffet for lunch so he can pick a few things he'd like and maybe make some fruit smoothies with ice in for snacks. I've been doing a small buffet with salad stuff mixed in with fruit so they can choose to eat the fruit as a meal so there's no main/pudding decision. They've been prefering to eat bread sticks instead of sandwiches too.

I only look after 2 mindees at a time so i can be quiet flexible with food. I can imagine it's much harder if you've got lots of mindees to feed at each meal.

BucksCM
28-05-2012, 10:36 PM
I feed up to 8 mindees a day. When they ask me what is for dinner I answer "food". There is no discussion and no negotiation. They find out what is on offer when its on the plate in front of them. I know what they like and what they dislike, I never give them what they dislike although they are expected to eat food that isn't 'their favourite'. Any messing about results in nothing more on offer apart from a piece of fruit.

Good behaviour and good eating (not necessarily clearing their plate but 'doing their best', especially if its a new food) results in ending the meal with the 'chocolate pudding' - generally a biscuit, small cake or fromage frais etc. I've been doing this for 12 years and have never had an issue with a child regarding food.

LOL!! This is exactly what I say...then i get "yeah,but what sort of food?"
To which I reply "the sort you can eat!"
Like you, i haven't had any food issues...well not major ones! It's just a case of standing your ground and not being walked over /manipulated like some of their mums!!

EmmaReed84
29-05-2012, 05:08 AM
Thank you so much guys, I like to buffet idea and the breadsticks. I am quite strict when it comes to my own kids (mainly my youngest). If he starts to mess about with his food I take it away, when he cries for it, I give it back and tell him the next time it goes in the bin, and I always follow through, although only had to do it a few times as now he has learned I mean business... I struggle being that "harsh" with mindees at times because, well they are not my kids lol :blush:

Yesterday I was at another minders when he was being funny with his food, she has some little cakes that all the kids had and I told mindee no cake unless he ate at least a bit of his sandwhich. He didn't so got no cake. My friend said she would just give in, that made me feel guilty, but I stood my ground... despite mindee stomping about saying "I not get cake now, thats not fair!"

Bridey
29-05-2012, 06:54 AM
Its one rule for all in my house. Its not fair on your own children if you are more lenient with the mindees, or vice versa. I don't feel guilty (shook that feeling off when I left convent school!) as I believe being consistent makes children happy and less stressed :)