mindees friend died

[samkeddy]

ok, a little worried, mindees mum just called to warn me that today mindees school freind has died.

She wanted me to know incase he was down, quiet etc and also that he may have questions for me as other than his teacher ill be the 1st adult he'll be seeing, mindee is 11 and VERY bright so i dont think ill be able to answer his questions well, this is a very uncomfortable situation im very nervous.

the child that died was 10 he has been unwell for a while, he fell down and broke his leg and they found out he had cancer.

i only have this mindee once a week for an hour or so, so not as close as with some others (we do get on really well tho he's a good kid)

[AliceK]

Oh no, how sad :(
I think in your situation if he wants to talk then you should just listen and comfort him and if he has questions I would answer as honestly as you can. Poor kid :(

xxx

[Kiddleywinks]

Oh no, how sad

Can you ask mum how she's handling/wording it for him, how much he knows etc?

Try and be led by him and his emotions, as in don't treat him with kid gloves unless it's what he needs. He may be finding it (sympathy and emotions) all overwhelming enough and feel he can 'escape' when he gets to you.

Hope he's ok x

[Bridey]

I have had several children here in the last couple of years who have lost close family members. The families and I obviously discussed what I should look out for, how I should handle it and what I could and could not say ...

To my surprise, I didn't have to say anything at all. Not one of the children were down or mentioned it. They just got on and had the fun they normally had here. It was a few months until they talked about their bereavement and we concentrated on their nice memories.

I think the best thing would be to keep things as normal as you can and let him lead into any conversation about it if he feels he wants to.

[caz3007]

We lost a lovely teacher at our school in an accident and some of my mindies were in his class. The whole school was devastated but the mindies in his class talked about funny things they remembered about him. The day it happened the school pick up time was very very quiet and lots of crying. So if he needs it, offer him a cuddle

[elaineg]

When that happened to a mindee of mine, when his grandad died,we painted a rock and he took it home and put it in the garded and he used to talk to to it. He was younger though so dont know if it would work for 11 year old.

[FussyElmo]

I would ask mum how they have spoken about it. But i would always be honest children sometimes dont like you sugarcoating it. All my children believe in heaven so whenever we have lost someone close they have died and now in heaven. However if mindee doesnt believe then trhis would be no comfort in it so it would be useful if mum told you :thumbsup:

[samkeddy]

I would ask mum how they have spoken about it. But i would always be honest children sometimes dont like you sugarcoating it. All my children believe in heaven so whenever we have lost someone close they have died and now in heaven. However if mindee doesnt believe then trhis would be no comfort in it so it would be useful if mum told you :thumbsup:

I keep remembering a few weeks ago when this child was saying how he is athiest he doesnt believe in god and thinks the idea of heaven and hell are ridiculous and how reincarnation, or literaly ceasing to exist are much more realistic:panic::eek:

he was telling this to my 3&4yr olds demolishing the easter stories they had been told, etc, i had i quiet word about how we all believe in different things, inc in father xmas and the easter bunny so maybe we should let the little ones believe in god for now and they can change their mind when their older if they want.........................

just worries me he knows too much to be comforted easily:panic:

[miffy]

Hope it's gone OK for you with mindee tonight.

Miffy xx

[Pauline]

Oh that is so sad.

There is a booklet in the free downloads on bereavement and talking to children.

www.childmindinghelp.co.uk/freeresources - just click the 'downloads' tab at the end.

[Pauline]

In fact here is the direct link: http://childmindinghelp.co.uk/freeresources/Free%20downloads/bereavementbookl.html

:)

[chez]

I keep remembering a few weeks ago when this child was saying how he is athiest he doesnt believe in god and thinks the idea of heaven and hell are ridiculous and how reincarnation, or literaly ceasing to exist are much more realistic:panic::eek:

he was telling this to my 3&4yr olds demolishing the easter stories they had been told, etc, i had i quiet word about how we all believe in different things, inc in father xmas and the easter bunny so maybe we should let the little ones believe in god for now and they can change their mind when their older if they want.........................

just worries me he knows too much to be comforted easily:panic:

So sorry to hear that this poor little man has got to go through so much.

Im a little surprised to see your reation to this child saying he was an athiest and what he believes in. Every child and adult has a right to their own beliefs and why does his bring you such shock and panic?

As for telling him to be quiet about what he believes in I personally feel if religious conversations are that much of a problem then no relgious conversations including that of christain faiths should be discussed.

Sorry I understand totally this dificult time for you but I also know what its like to have a belief that dosesnt match what others expections are.

[Bridey]

So sorry to hear that this poor little man has got to go through so much.

Im a little surprised to see your reation to this child saying he was an athiest and what he believes in. Every child and adult has a right to their own beliefs and why does his bring you such shock and panic?

As for telling him to be quiet about what he believes in I personally feel if religious conversations are that much of a problem then no relgious conversations including that of christain faiths should be discussed.

Sorry I understand totally this dificult time for you but I also know what its like to have a belief that dosesnt match what others expections are.

I don't see that she asked him to be quiet about what he believed in, she just asked him not to do it in front of very young children. I have to do the same thing sometimes with the 12 year old I have. 5 year olds shouldn't have to eat their fishfingers whilst being subjected to an informed monologue about genocide (he's a very bright and aware 12 year old) :rolleyes:

[samkeddy]

So sorry to hear that this poor little man has got to go through so much.

Im a little surprised to see your reation to this child saying he was an athiest and what he believes in. Every child and adult has a right to their own beliefs and why does his bring you such shock and panic?

As for telling him to be quiet about what he believes in I personally feel if religious conversations are that much of a problem then no relgious conversations including that of christain faiths should be discussed.

Sorry I understand totally this dificult time for you but I also know what its like to have a belief that dosesnt match what others expections are.

i belief everyone has a right to there own beliefs 100%, but we were in the car and he was shooting the young children down at eatser telling them thier easter assmenbly had been rubbish, i told him i actually almost agree with his beleifs im agnostic personally but that as grown ups we had a responsibility to allow the little children to beleive in god for now the same as we dont tell the the truth about father xmas etc. (think i should have stuck the funny faces further down)

[samkeddy]

and thanks for the links unfortunatly didnt see them till after, but i know where they are now thanks, and it went fine, he told me what had happened, i said how awful that was and it wasnt mentioned again, he was his normal happy self.

Hope hes ok later............