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hannahemilie
16-05-2012, 10:42 AM
Hi, hoping for some advice!

I mind a 1yr old (2 in July) and his sister who is 4. It has got to the point where I dont want to take the 1 yr old anywhere as he is too jealous of other children, he constantly screams and wants to be picked up. He wont let anyone touch his or his sisters things, he wont let me pick up another baby or even his sister. I am finding his sister is being left out a lot and today she got upset at all the screaming. He constantly grunts and screams when he cant get food or a toy wont fit in place right. He can say please but prefers the screaming method :/ He used to be much better but now the sight of any children sends him into fits of uncontrollable screaming and crying. Sharing is not in his nature - he is young so I expect that, but have never seen so many tantrums! Today we went to another childminders house and he screamed from the moment he got there, he was tired so tried to get him to sleep but he wouldnt. We had to leave early because no one could take the noise anymore. He finally fell asleep when we got home. Even when we are my house he is constantly moaning and generally unhappy, nothing ever pleases him!

What I can gather from his sister is that he gets his own way at home and if he gets into a state he is given food and cbeebies is put on. Poor thing she is basically immune to the screaming, but today even she cracked.

Is this normal?! Have asked mum if he is like this at home and she says no...

Bridey
16-05-2012, 11:01 AM
Quick reply as just off out but you need to carry on doing what you need to do with the other mindees and he is going to have to learn to deal with it. "He won't let" is not a something that happens in my house - I'm the one in charge, not a baby. I know its hard and tiring but unless he learns that screaming has no effect at all then he will continue to do it to get his own way. The only way to learn that it won't get him what he wants is to not give him what he wants when he does it.

I amso sorry I don't have a quick magic answer for you, I can only imagine how difficult it is but if you persevere then he will learn only to do it at home ;)

Ripeberry
16-05-2012, 11:03 AM
Its always funny when kids say one thing and the parents say another. At least most kids are honest ;)

Ripeberry
16-05-2012, 11:09 AM
Has anyone else ever noticed that the kids who get their own way always seem to have the most ear splitting screams? Don't think I've ever met a child who has a 'quiet' scream doing whatever they want.
Do they develop this scream over time? Or was it there in the first place and the parents will do anything to 'shut them up'?

The latter is more likely :rolleyes:

hannahemilie
16-05-2012, 12:44 PM
Quick reply as just off out but you need to carry on doing what you need to do with the other mindees and he is going to have to learn to deal with it. "He won't let" is not a something that happens in my house - I'm the one in charge, not a baby. I know its hard and tiring but unless he learns that screaming has no effect at all then he will continue to do it to get his own way. The only way to learn that it won't get him what he wants is to not give him what he wants when he does it.

I amso sorry I don't have a quick magic answer for you, I can only imagine how difficult it is but if you persevere then he will learn only to do it at home ;)

Haha thanks! Patience... I shall keep going... sigh

VeggieSausage
16-05-2012, 12:48 PM
I currently have a child like this and last week had had enough and decided to tackle it head on. I decided that I would ignore all screaming and tantrums, no eye contact, no telling him to shhh, nothing. I told dad on pick up that he had screamed and had tantrums for most of the day and that the screaming was having a negative impact on the other children, that I had a duty of care for the others and this needed tackling, so my plan was ....etc, etc. I asked him if he agreed to this and he did, I put it formally in writing later and emailed it to them and within a week they have obviously been doing this at home and it is reducing but still bad some days, I think this child's nature is attention seeking too, and seems to have learnt that screaming is the only way to get what you want....it is wearing, draining and quite unbearable some days. I feel I have begun the process that if ignoring etc doesn't work I have set the groundwork for giving notice :(

hannahemilie
16-05-2012, 12:48 PM
Has anyone else ever noticed that the kids who get their own way always seem to have the most ear splitting screams? Don't think I've ever met a child who has a 'quiet' scream doing whatever they want.
Do they develop this scream over time? Or was it there in the first place and the parents will do anything to 'shut them up'?

The latter is more likely :rolleyes:

Defo.. I get the impression he rules the roost at home. He says jump they say high how and move over older sis! I feel so bad for the 4 year old she just takes it, Ive seen him pull clumps of her hair out and not bat an eyelid. I off course told him off, it was like he has never heard the word no before, he just laughed and tried to give me a hug!

Had words with mum just now, hope she has got the hint.

loocyloo
16-05-2012, 12:52 PM
good luck!

i can only offer the same advice! perservere! LO will learn that YOU don't give in!

i used to mind a LO who screamed if not held, not given what she wanted the minute before she wanted it, anyone else had anything she thought she ought to have.

apparently she wasn't like this at home, at all according to mum ... older sibling used to tell me LO always screamed at home and in fact, i had to work VERY hard at my house, not letting sibling give LO whatever it was whenever LO screamed ! grandad then picked up one day ( after a few months ) and was amazed that LO wasn't screaming over whatever it was ... yep, LO was still screaming blue murder at home ALL THE TIME :rolleyes:

i love having the older sibling!

hannahemilie
16-05-2012, 12:53 PM
I currently have a child like this and last week had had enough and decided to tackle it head on. I decided that I would ignore all screaming and tantrums, no eye contact, no telling him to shhh, nothing. I told dad on pick up that he had screamed and had tantrums for most of the day and that the screaming was having a negative impact on the other children, that I had a duty of care for the others and this needed tackling, so my plan was ....etc, etc. I asked him if he agreed to this and he did, I put it formally in writing later and emailed it to them and within a week they have obviously been doing this at home and it is reducing but still bad some days, I think this child's nature is attention seeking too, and seems to have learnt that screaming is the only way to get what you want....it is wearing, draining and quite unbearable some days. I feel I have begun the process that if ignoring etc doesn't work I have set the groundwork for giving notice :(

Thanks for replying I feel for you! I was in tears earlier at my friends house. I have started doing exactly what you do, so will see if it gets any better. Today was a constant screamathon :( I would hate to loose his sister as she is lovely, but they come as a pair :/

hannahemilie
16-05-2012, 12:56 PM
good luck!

i can only offer the same advice! perservere! LO will learn that YOU don't give in!

i used to mind a LO who screamed if not held, not given what she wanted the minute before she wanted it, anyone else had anything she thought she ought to have.

apparently she wasn't like this at home, at all according to mum ... older sibling used to tell me LO always screamed at home and in fact, i had to work VERY hard at my house, not letting sibling give LO whatever it was whenever LO screamed ! grandad then picked up one day ( after a few months ) and was amazed that LO wasn't screaming over whatever it was ... yep, LO was still screaming blue murder at home ALL THE TIME :rolleyes:

i love having the older sibling!

gotta love denial! big sis says he is always screaming! and mum says hes not like this at home... hmmmmm. Im sure it is hard being told by the help that your child is a brat but come on. help me and help yourself!