Balance - Minding / own children

[notts]

Hi all, just wondering how you manage the balance with your own children. I'm new to this and have 2 young children (almost 3 and 1). I know there will be some adjusting issues to contend with but feel the pros outweigh the cons for me minding. But I'm sure there are jealousy, confidence, sharing issues that may come in to play. Would love to know your thoughts.............

[rickysmiths]

My two were about that age, 11 months and 20 months. I have never had a problem. I started with a 16 week lad every afternoon from 1 to 5 term time only. It suited me fine, I could spend the morning with my two, continue their activities and to be honest my son had a long sleep in the afternoon and the mindee was so little so did he so it eased them both into the idea that mummy looked after someone else. I had the little boy for 3.5 years and had his brother as well.

I was lucky that I was under no pressure to earn more than a bit extra. I paid for our summer holiday in Cornwall and all the Birthday and Christmas presents.

As my children grew I took on different combinations of children. It wasn't until I had been minding for 6 years that I took on two full time babies and my two were 8 and 6 then.

I have to say it breaks my heart when I see cms on here who expect to fill 2 or 3 under 5 spaces and have before and after school all at once and expect their own little ones to take it in their stride.

My two have always accepted what I do and my dh has been 100% behind me. Without that I could not be working 18 years on!

My two are nearly 20 and 18 now and my son the nearly 18 year old has spent from 1pm today looking after friends two children 9yrs and 6yrs, cooking tea, putting them to bed and staying the night tonight. Both have been babysitting my minded children for 4 and 2 years, my son also babysits for Beaver parents.

[samb]

It can be hard and I think it is a bit of trial and error. I have been minding almost 2 years and my youngest who is 3 asks every day, weekends included "is someone coming today?" They like it that there are others here and miss them when they don't come. However they also like having time when they are not here. Friday after school my dd has swimming lessons and me and ds sit at the side and he is allowed to play games on my phone. Sounds simple but they would both be upset if I worked late on a Friday. I so occasionally and they understand it is a one off and they tell me they like it when I am not working. I also only send ds to pre school 4 mornings so that he is at home with me 1 morning - other 3 yr old goes to pre school and the only other 1 I have here sleeps for hr and half in the mornings so we have that time too.

I do agree that building up to what you and your family can cope with is ideal is money allows. Also I would never want to take on a full time child as I like the variety and so do my children. They get on much better with the children I have 2-3 days a week than the one I have 4 days a week and I am sure it is because it gets too much for them.

[notts]

thanks rickysmiths. you speak from long experience! very helpful. I've always persisted that as much as I would like to contribute to the family home, its always going to be a 2 way interview. As much as we (and I say we, because me and my children are a package) need to be right for the prespective parents and child, they also need to be right for us (my children). Someone once said to me ' you can't be picky if you want to earn' I disagree. 'I can and pay is secondary in my venture. Albeit required haha! :)

[notts]

thanks samb! I like the idea of variety too. The thought of just doing say, Mond/Tues morns, Thurs/fri afters fits :)

[uf353432]

my children were about the same age when I started 3 years ago and I agree building up gradually and easing the children into it slowly. I only started with day time kids, in the 2nd year I introduced after school kids and then the business has remained steady in the 3rd year.

I treat everyone the same - obviously I treat my own children with respect and patience and so naturally I do that with the other children as well. I think if your own children experience fair play and equal standards when surrounded by other children they are happier, sometimes they get confused if they experience double standards if that make sense.

Before you start to feel guilty that your children have to share you, consider what the alternative will be and explain that to them when they are old enough to understand - because it will likely be a conversation you will have.

The pro's are fab though - my children have playdates every day, friends over for tea every night and at school have an extended family to look out for them. The only downsides are when they get poorly they don't often get a break from other children so make sure they get opportunities to rest up and recharge on family holidays and weekends.

Work out what time you will work and be sure to factor in time with your children in that equation - that way they get some quality time with you where they don't have to share you.

[notts]

thanks uf - my thoughts exactly. very useful to hear. The sickness thing has gone through my mind. Also, when they need a time out and also their things. So my thinking on this is downstairs min ding setting, upstairs, personal. Presents bought for, time outs etc sort of a divide which will probably be more beneficial when they are older but I want to start as I mean to go on. Also, we have bought 'new' (not brand new) but different toys for 'all the children' so that my children don't feel they 'have' to share their things. I hope I'm on the right track!

[Vickster]

I started when my son was 5 and my daughter was 1. I work three days a week and the youngsters are all younger than my daughter and I have an after school child who is in the same year as my son. My children have been fine. There have been sharing issues with my daughter but that is an age related issue rather than a childminding issue. My daughter always asks, who is coming today. I started slowly, just having one boy two days a week, then I took on another two days a week. My daughter is very close to my first mindee who I have had since he was 9 months old. he is 2years two months now and they play so nicely together.

My son struggles a little more particularly in the holidays as we are restricted a little more on the days I work, due to naps etc, but it means I don't have to leave him and we can have big days out on the Monday and Friday, when I am not minding. Saying that the age of 6 can be difficult as their approach to play changes and it takes them a while to get into playing again as school is so structured.

Sorry for the ramble, but overall it has been fine.

[uf353432]

Yes I work downstairs, upstairs is family space and sleeping area for children who need day time naps.

My children actually put all their toys downstairs - they keep a few precious toys upstair in their room, but they have no problem sharing their toys with other children - thats one thing you can play by ear.

[LauraS]

Before you start to feel guilty that your children have to share you, consider what the alternative will be and explain that to them when they are old enough to understand - because it will likely be a conversation you will have.



This is my reasoning. I have no doubt that there will be problems ahead as my children adjust to sharing their home and family with others, however, the alternative for them is that I return to spending 60 hours a week outside the home.

I have spent a lot of years sending them to nurseries, childminders, before and after school clubs and playschemes, missing nativity plays and sports days, having no connection with their school life, barely seeing them before bedtime in the week and then spending the weekends catching up on the domestics, etc etc.

How could childminding have a more negative impact than that? [insert naive icon here :D]

[miffy]

I started childminding when my youngest was two and that was to care for his best friend. For the first few years I cared for friends of my two children so didn't seem to have any problems - the children were all used to playing at my house, the bonus was I now got paid for it :D

I always let my children keep their special toys in their rooms and this was also their private space - minded children were only allowed there by invitation and that stood until my kids left home.

I think you're right to think about these things now and start as you mean to continue.

Miffy xx

[marnieb]

It is hard, and tbh it's taken me a few years to get the balance right.

In the beginning I had hardly any mindees at all, so it was easy to do everything and earn money, but then last year i found myself very busy and was basically working 7-6, 5 days a week, and in the end I had to stop as it was physically almost killing me, and I was so tired I never did anything with my own kids.

Now things are a bit better - dd 3, loves all my mindees and asks on weekends who is coming round to play with her, and I took on an after schoolie 2/3 days a week same age as my son so he has someone to play with as well.

And I stop work at 3pm on a Friday - no exceptions - so i can do the washing and Tesco run, and still have the weekends with my kids.

[Bridey]

My son was just two when I started. I've always only ever had children younger than him - never older - so he was always the 'big boy' and never felt pushed out or intimidated. I worked with just one or two children for the first few years, added a couple of after-schoolies when he was older and am now working with 14 children.


My son is now nearly 15 years old and prefers to be out or in his room doing homework/gaming when I work so I only do termtime. I don't think he even knows all the names of the children I mind as they are all part time and the combination changes every day. When he makes a rare appearance (en route to the fridge) it all goes quiet like a VIP had just arrived!

[rickysmiths]

thanks rickysmiths. you speak from long experience! very helpful. I've always persisted that as much as I would like to contribute to the family home, its always going to be a 2 way interview. As much as we (and I say we, because me and my children are a package) need to be right for the prespective parents and child, they also need to be right for us (my children). Someone once said to me ' you can't be picky if you want to earn' I disagree. 'I can and pay is secondary in my venture. Albeit required haha! :)

That is how I started for the last 7 years I have earned a good amount, lets put it this way I did full accounts before it was raised from £30,000. I have always regarded the interview with parents as a two way process and have refused to take on some families if I didn't think it would work.

[Helen Dempster]

my DS was just 2yo when I started, and I can honestly say I've never had any major problems with him. In fact, alot of new parents who meet him now (he's nearly 6yo), say how good he is with their children, and he's obviously used to having little ones around.

Your children will soon adapt and get used to your job :)

[Rosy Days]

When he makes a rare appearance (en route to the fridge) it all goes quiet like a VIP had just arrived!

:laughing: ha ha love it x

[mushpea]

I think its trial and error and finding out what suits you and your family,, I have discoved that children close to my sons age dont work as he feels pushed out so I am not taking on any older children at the moment, I also finish at 1.30pm twice a week so can spend this extra time with my two doing stuff although I appriciate this may not last when I take on new children, I also tend to do more with them at the weekends or evenings, it makes you appriciate your own children more.

[loocyloo]

i was a nanny before i was a minder, DS used to come to work with me, and so, as such, has never really had me to himself. i became a childminder when he was 18mth old and took a few months off when DD was born, 18mth later.

therefore, my 2 children have never known any different and i've minded a mix of ages both older & younger. the only thing i've tried not to do, is to actually mind any of their 'real' friends, as then, if they stop being friends, it doesn't become awkward at home! but they did become very close to all the minded children and at school, as another poster said, they all look out for each other and support each other and it was lovely.

we moved a year ago, and i spent the summer term and most of the summer holidays not having any mindees and my 2 missed them terribly! i now have lots of LO who they adore, and LO adore my 2, but they do ask when i'm going to have some older ones for them to play with!

i've always said that they have their toys in their bedrooms and play there, IF they bring toys down, whilst i am working, then EVERYONE must be allowed to play with them. it does mean that some toys don't get played with as much, but we do use them at weekends.

since we've moved, i've realised how much i liked our weekends just with our family! we used to go out/see friends/family, have them to stay etc, but as most were within an hour or so, it was fine. NOW we've moved and it is 4-5hrs for people to travel to see us, they come and stay for the weekend, which is lovely but when its family, after a day or so, i'm longing for them to go home and leave us in peace :blush: my mum is here this weekend and it HAS been busy, but its driving me potty somehow not being able to do what we want and when we want! (somehow its not so bad when its friends!) ( sorry! rant over! )

[notts]

Thanks everyone, such useful information and to hear your experiences. TBC! :)