Non-player.. Advice

[NicoleW]

Hannah will be 2 on the 28th of May. A b it of background.
Born prematurely, only by a few days but was quite poorly and in neonatal for two weeks. Then went back into hospital at 6 weeks old with meningitis.

She had development delay in all areas, sat up at 11 months old, crawled at 13 months old, walked at 20 months old.
She has just been discharged from the pysiotherapist, and has been referred to Talk and Taste by Portage and has to have her hearing tested before she can be referred to a speech and language therapist.

What she does that concerns me, has been like this since well all her life. She will not play with toys inside the home, she wanders around follows me, cuddles me, throws herself all over her sister who is 6, but doesn't get down and interact with toys. She will if I begin it, but as soon as I move away she gets up. However at playgroups etc she's more than happy to go off and begin activities and plays with everything. Same when we do the school room she's very happy in the classroom getting stuck in with everything.

She isn't saying many recognisable words, moans alot during the day because she can't communicate her needs or wants, I've just started Makaton with her and she's copying the sign for "more" at the moment but I don't think she fully understands what it means.


Has anyone got any advice in how I can get her to start playing at home, she is my own daughter by the way!
A parent I have who is a Nursery Manager for children with SEN, suggested a visual timetable board type thing, so I will be doing that when we move this weekend. She asked what is her interests at the moment when I do my planning, and I had to admit I didn't know, because she doesn't play or interact with toys or anything really it's really hard for me to observe what interests her and motivates her. We went to the toy library and she kept playing with three things, so we brought them home and nope... she doesn't wanna know them!

[Little Pickles]

Just wanted to wish you Good Luck :)

[blue bear]

What happens at home (hers) does age play, is she always carried, dies mum constantly give her attention and so she associates home with not playing.

I had a lo who constantly followed me at home and preferred being on my knee. At toddlers she would go off and investigate. At home she had older siblings as well as mum and dad who would do everything with/for her and so age didn't need to play.

I would sit still at home in one place, this gave her tge confidence to go off and explore, it was very slow but we got there in the end

[sarah707]

Nicole I was concerned with how much information you were sharing - until I realised it was your daughter.

Bless her! It sounds like she's had a rough time.

I think Makaton is a great idea. You could also investigate visual timetables as a way of helping her to balance her day.

Do you sit with her and play? She might need extra stimulation to understand what to do with the toys before she goes off.

Just give her time she's a long way to go! xx

[NicoleW]

I do sit with her and play, and gradually try and remove myself from it but she's often stopped playing before me and gone to walk around and turn my light switch on and off.

Haha probably should have opened up with the fact that she is my daughter.

[leeloo1]

Perhaps you're expecting too much? Turning the light switch on and off is play for her. If she is playing with you, but getting bored then can you try swapping toys round or adding things as her interest wanes? Or making up a treasure basket if she wants to explore things that aren't traditional 'toys'.

If she is saying a few words then fingers crossed her hearing is ok. I hope you get more help for her.

[NicoleW]

Perhaps you're expecting too much? Turning the light switch on and off is play for her. If she is playing with you, but getting bored then can you try swapping toys round or adding things as her interest wanes? Or making up a treasure basket if she wants to explore things that aren't traditional 'toys'.

If she is saying a few words then fingers crossed her hearing is ok. I hope you get more help for her.


I do swap toys every fornight from the toy library and rotate every month or so, but as she doesn't even interact with any toys at home it's really hard to find out what she is interested in.

For example, yesterday at playgroup she spent ages with a dolly, a pushchair and a shopping trolley. We got some from the library to get out and she won't even touch them, she prefers to be following me around all day or sitting on the sofa not doing anything

[The Juggler]

sorry to hear what a rough infancy your dd had :(

If she IS capable of playing independently at playgroups etc, I wouldn't worry too much hon. Maybe look at what is different at playgroups to home, is it the other children she is drawn to, the space etc.

Maybe go really minimalist, get one exciting thing out, train set, happyland set. do you have a role play area? Is she different outdoors to indoors hon?

As her speech is delayed learning/teaching some signing would be perfect, it will help her communicate what she wants to do.:thumbsup:

[little chickee]

She had development delay in all areas, sat up at 11 months old, crawled at 13 months old, walked at 20 months old.
!

Just wanted to say that this isnt really delayed development - the sitting up maybe but the crawling and walking is within the "accepted" limits.

My own son crawled the day before his first birthday, walked at 18-19 months.
His speech was "slow" to develop but is now a happy, healthy 15yo at the same stage as his peers.

Look into getting help if you wish but don't get too bogged down with ages and stages of development.

And I agree- maybe move away from traditional toys. How about saucepans and wooden spoons to bang them with, sensory baskets etc. My 2 yo mindee currently like to play with my pastry brush pretending to paint. a old mobile phone, bunch of keys things like that.

[NicoleW]

Thanks, we are moving this weekend so the front room is going to be so minimilisitc it's untrue LOL.

I don't have any happyland but people keep raving about this stuff?

Yes she loves being outdoors, and we finally will have access to a garden she can use WOOHOOO!!!

I'll get some saucepans out, and perhaps set up some heurisitc play for her thank you.

[NicoleW]

Well I have discovered Hannah loves to play with a nintendo ds she say for 5 minutes randomly tapping the screen with the pen and when she was finished she put the pen and back into the ds and put it in the kitchen.

[LChurch]

I feel for you, I have mindee who is 2 and struggles to play, at times he can play at other times he struggles. Very odd behaviour at times too. No cuddles either, doesn't like sudden noises. At toddlers this morning he started to show interest and actually joined in with sticking today which was good, this is a small group which I think is good for him! But I do get lots of comments and encouragements to keep trying different things.

[Kimmy050983]

What always helps for me in situations like that is to look at MYSELF and change how I feel about things.
I would try and take the expectation for her to play away. Maybe sit down with some knitting and let her play with some wool, or when you do housework let her be alongside you - my LO loves washing up (he goes through non-play phases sometimes when he learns something new) ..
I find as soon as I take the pressure away and don't expect anything it makes me feel a lot calmer and even though she still might not "play", everyone is happier..
I always find keeping myself busy but available helps a lot.

She might even like something like a treasure basket? :)

[Kimmy050983]

Just wanted to say that this isnt really delayed development - the sitting up maybe but the crawling and walking is within the "accepted" limits.

My own son crawled the day before his first birthday, walked at 18-19 months.
His speech was "slow" to develop but is now a happy, healthy 15yo at the same stage as his peers.

Look into getting help if you wish but don't get too bogged down with ages and stages of development.

And I agree- maybe move away from traditional toys. How about saucepans and wooden spoons to bang them with, sensory baskets etc. My 2 yo mindee currently like to play with my pastry brush pretending to paint. a old mobile phone, bunch of keys things like that.

Thank you!!! My Lo sat at 13 months , crawled at 17 months and walked at 23 months .. he is fine now! He had low muscle tone

[NicoleW]

Just wanted to say that this isnt really delayed development - the sitting up maybe but the crawling and walking is within the "accepted" limits.

My own son crawled the day before his first birthday, walked at 18-19 months.
His speech was "slow" to develop but is now a happy, healthy 15yo at the same stage as his peers.

Look into getting help if you wish but don't get too bogged down with ages and stages of development.

And I agree- maybe move away from traditional toys. How about saucepans and wooden spoons to bang them with, sensory baskets etc. My 2 yo mindee currently like to play with my pastry brush pretending to paint. a old mobile phone, bunch of keys things like that.



I agree, though that was just one example. She didn't babble until she was 17 months old, or copy noises or make any kind of sound. She didn't smile until she was 9 months old, and could never bear any weight on her legs.
Taking everything into account, she has done very well to catch up she is now in the accepted range of development whereas when she was first assessed she was about 6 months behind in everything.


I will definately be getting out some of those ideas thank you