New mindee 9 months old, help and advice please?

[Two Princesses]

I have started looking after a little girl (9 months old) and the first morning (9.30 till 1pm) she was an angel :littleangel:, no tears even after a nap and seemed very at home and very smiley. It was school holidays so my 2 DD's were here and she loved watching them play and crawling over to join in.
The 2nd visit (following week, same times) she was more unsettled so I decided to take them all to the library. She hated the car (cried all the 10 minute journey) and settled when put in the buggy, nodding off to sleep etc but cried all the way home too.
This week was the 3rd week and she came 2 mornings (mon and today). Monday was an inset day and she arrived at 7.30 and cried for 30 minutes till breakfast, sat and happilly munched breakfast but got anxious as soon as she finished. I had a play date organised with another minder and she still didn't really settle even though there was a lot more going on and today, unless I was holding her, she was asleep or eating, she was crying. I feel awful telling her mum (who's lovely!) so today I really played it down saying it would take time to settle her into a new routine. My question is how do I begin to help her feel more at home here? I realise it's VERY early days and she's used to 1-1 attention from mummy. I was going to get her used to me and my DD2 (25 months) before venturing out to playgroups and things but I'm wondering if she'll benefit from more active surroundings. She's not interested in toys and will just cry if I try to put her on the floor to play. I managed to get her to look at a book this morning for about 3 minutes but then she started again :( I only manged to clear the breakfast things away while she was having a 50 min nap before lunch! :blush:
All help greatly appreciated please so I can plan for monday! x I will only have her and my DD.

[Demonjill]

Hi this is long and might be of some use ....or not

I look after a 9 month old boy - he started in feb when he was 7 months - (4 hours 1 day a week).

we have built up gradually in prep for mum going back to work and he now comes thur and fri 7am-4.30 pm - very long days for him but mum is nurse.

he has always been fine at separation and comes to me no prob

4 hours was easy peasy but these longer days - im knackered

I asked mum when he was starting the full days to write down a rough plan of his routine when he is at home with her - it is only rough as she has to wake him up the days she is working when he comes to me but it was a great help.
mum is also breast feeding him still and he wont take a bottle at all with breast or formula but will take water in a bottle :rolleyes:
i now have him drinking a carton of formula milk from a cup throughout day - not much milk for his age but much better than none - mum breastfeeds him before drop off and at pick up so all ok.

He also used to cry in car just about all the time he was in it and cried louder when i got out car to get buggy out and go out of sight for a minute to pop it up to put him in aggghhh but time has made this better - I leave his door open when i go to boot to get buggy out now and keep talking (rubbish usually:rolleyes:) and he is much better so i would say your Lo will improve with this oo when she realises you are not going away.He is at stage where he wants to be on his feet most of the time but this involves me holding his hands and "walking" him where he wants to go :rolleyes: and its sore on the back and cant do it all day so i persuade him to do other stuff here is what i find works - i have tweaked things to suit me and:

7am he arrives (been breastfed) he is happy to sit on floor for 20-30 mins and play with a few toys then he gets bit unsettled and moans/whimpers(stage before cry lol)so i distract him slightly with a toy so he smiles again and then lift him up for cuddle or take him wee walkie round room( this way he is not associating crying with being picked up which should help in future
He is then happy to pop down again and i give him a few different toys:D
I repeat this the next time he gets unsettled and the second time its usually time to wake up DS(8) so we walk upstairs to do this and DS has brekkie and gets dressed
DS then is happy to play with LO for 20-30 mins before school ( I have my breakfast and check emails, make up packed lunch etc in this time) I am watching and listening out all time but gets LO used to not being totally dependant on me all day!:thumbsup: and gives me a wee break - DS loves it
Then its time for school run i only have Ds to drop off and LO goes in forward facing car seat now ( much happier seeing where he is going)
the car run short as it is breaks things up alittle
9am home again and time for his brekkie in highchair in kitchen so again change of scene:thumbsup:and food then get him dressed as he arrives in pjs as so early
9.30 we usually get ready to go walk in buggy whatever the weather
he falls asleep after 10 mins and sleeps for almost an hour - usually wakes up just after buggy gets home though however long we walk for - but we will work on this soon.
11.30 a wee snack and interactive play with me reading board books, playing with the toys and activity table that he can stand up to do, shot of ride on rocker, tickles watch the guinea pigs:laughing: look in mirrors etc
then he is happy again to have wee play himself and i get wee seat ha
12.30 is lunch in highchair and nappy change
1.30 ish is out in car to different park for play on swings etc wee walk about and back in car timed right to pick up DS from school - Lo usually has wee nap(20 mins) on way home
DS does the entertaining for wee while then i take over again and then mum comes at 4.30 tbh though its hard from 4pm as that seems to be his fed up time so spend time walking round house looking out windows etc

Hope this helps

He is geetting better all the time -there will always be things that change this such as teething not feeling well, snotty nose etc but its working for me:thumbsup:

[Two Princesses]

Thanks Jill :) I know (hope!) she will start to settle soon once she gets to know me more and we are working our way up to 5 days a week 7.30-4.30/5 daily but she and I (seperately obviously!) are off on a few holidays before then and I don't want her to regress.
I suppose it's just a case of distracting her everytime she gets anxious but my DD is a bit demanding too so it's going to be a challenge to keep them both happy! I think I'll try a playgroup Monday and see how she is :)

[Demonjill]

I took LO to soft play and he loved it but that was after he had got used to me, my house, my car and the different people /mindees that come and go.

She will settle soon. She will soon associate you as the one who feeds,changes,plays and cuddles - almost as good as mum.

Maybe dont try so hard and try get your DD ( i know they younger) to help with the LO a bit etc

[Bridey]

I've always found that babies who only come once or twice a week take a little longer to bond and settle than those who attend more regularly.

[VeggieSausage]

I've always found that babies who only come once or twice a week take a little longer to bond and settle than those who attend more regularly.

Yes i agree, also I try and have time at home to feel safe with me before I venture out with new lo's. Hard work when they first start isn't it.

[Bridey]

Yes i agree, also I try and have time at home to feel safe with me before I venture out with new lo's. Hard work when they first start isn't it.

This is what I do too. Create an environment that is familiar before rushing around doing too many activities.

[Two Princesses]

That's what I had planned but she seems to be getting worse LOL! Spoke to mum who's agreed to send her Mon, Wed and Fri mornings so hopefully she settles better :)
Just makes me feel a little useless :blush:

[Bridey]

That's what I had planned but she seems to be getting worse LOL! Spoke to mum who's agreed to send her Mon, Wed and Fri mornings so hopefully she settles better :)
Just makes me feel a little useless :blush:

They get worse before they get better! She is starting to recognise that when she sees you, mum disappears. This will settle and she will get used to it and start looking forward to her time with you. You are not being useless at all, you are doing everything you can to help her and it sounds like mum is happy working in partnership with you - quite an achievement! :)

[The Juggler]

she will settle down once she develops that bond with you. for now, it's a case of lots of cuddles, sit on the floor with her between your legs so she feels secure but you are not holding her all the time (for her sake and for sake of your back - lol)

I am going through same thing at present and food prep and eating times are a case of let the screams go over my head and just cuddle her and reassure her but I can't pick her up out of the highchair as I've another baby to help feed and clear away things, its just not safe for me to be carrying her. she has settled down a bit now after the 3rd week.

the more she feels bonded to you, the less she'll scream/cry.

Hope things improve

[Two Princesses]

Thanks Ladies :)
Luckily mum is great and is thinking of ways to make it easier for LO too!

[crazyhazy]

Is there a reason she's coming once a week etc before starting full time? I think settling in sessions are good the week before they start for a couple of hours but no longer than that really. I've just had a 9m old start with me, he done two 2 hour sessions the week before then started pretty much full time (mon, tue & thur all day plus a few hours wed & fri) and he has settled brilliantly, I'm sure it's because he has got into our routine so quickly, he even had a week off last week and was still all smiles starting back on monday. It may just be luck but am sure they settle a lot quicker when they're there more than a day a week.

[toddlers896]

my mindee came to me three months ago and she was 9months. I thought i was so lucky because she never cried, was always happy and quickly settled into a routine, including going to groups. The only routine i couldnt get her into was having a sleep when she is tired and grumpy.
Anyway, she is now a year old, 3 months later and has just started to cry all the time. If i walk out the room she cries. If i put her down she cries. If i dont give her what she wants she cries and it is still imposssible to get her down for a sleep. This has all happened in the space of a week and i dont know if its because she is teething or if there is more to it.
Also over the last week or so she has stopped eating her dinner and will only eat pudding and biscuits. I fully understand where you are coming from and also understand how difficult it can be. Ime just hoping that its her teeth and she will go back to being the happy little girl she was otherwise i will find it really difficult when i start to get more children.:idea: